profile of Jenna Clarke

A gift guide for the girl who is rude to her family

A gift guide for the girl who is rude to her family
This one time, at Christmas, after three servings of my Nan's potato salad and two platefuls of trifle, I excused myself and curled up for an unscheduled siesta, literally in the middle of lunch, I just up and left the table. Rude - yes, relaxing - absolutely. I awoke hours later to a deserted house, which is kind of like an island just with electricity and pillows. Here are 11 things to buy that girl at Christmas who treats the holiday season as an actual holiday.   


1.     Le Specs Olympias - $69.95

Don't be surprised if your grandma screams "Bitch, stole my look" if you decide to partake in Christmas lunch.

2.     Man Palermo Rose Gold Choker - $230

Who needs an actual pony when you can have your very own Little Pony wrapped around your neck?

3.     Mara & Mine Jem Skull Slippers - $350 

Don't have anything in common with your 15-year-old cousin? Here's the footwear equivalent of an ice breaker. 

4.     Telstra Samsung Galaxy Young – from $99

If you must check emails or check in anywhere, this may come in handy.

5.     Clinique Whole Lotta Candy lipstick sticks – $40

Summer is usually too hot for a matte lip, a colourful gloss (off set by a glowing tan) is practically the only scrap of make-up you need for the silly season. 

6.     Roxy Pop Surf One Piece $99.99

Fact: one piece swimsuits are more versatile than a LBD, especially ones with pretty pictures on them, just don't forget pants, bikini lines are not welcome at brunch.

7.     L’Oréal Professionnel Série Expert Liss Unlimited – $218

Unless you are Redfoo, you're probably not a fan of frizz, this kit should shower with you all summer.  

8.     Bikini Atoll Grace Elliot Balconette High Waist bikini – $98.00 (top)/$85.00 (bottom)

This is fashion's brilliant way of flipping the bird to the Brazilian cut.

9.     The Rumour Mill by Roxy Jacenko - $24.99

Summer TV may be boring, but the fiction isn't. 

10.    ASOS Cameo Bib Necklace – $93

You can actually hide food in here without anyone being any the wiser, the colours and jewels are a great distraction.

11.   Laduree Mademoiselle Noëlle hat box - $55

Seriously, I have to explain why macarons are a good gift idea? C'mon.

This gift guide was brought to you by Telstra.

profile of Jenna Clarke

7 comments so far..

  • Riches9999's avatar
    Commenter
    Riches9999
    Date and time
    Friday 20 Dec 2013 - 6:13 PM
    online editor - please send 'shittest article ever' to this hack. who's paying her off for this shit? fuck you.
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  • xbb1024's avatar
    Commenter
    xbb1024
    Date and time
    Saturday 21 Dec 2013 - 7:47 PM
    Telstra are. "This gift guide was brought to you by Telstra." it says at the bottom
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  • Snezzle's avatar
    Commenter
    Snezzle
    Date and time
    Tuesday 24 Dec 2013 - 9:36 AM
    Wow ... can't believe THAT got through! Someone's getting coal tonight! :@
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  • Riches9999's avatar
    Commenter
    Riches9999
    Date and time
    Tuesday 24 Dec 2013 - 3:05 PM
    I can't believe it either! I guess they agree.
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  • Mindboggled's avatar
    Commenter
    Mindboggled
    Date and time
    Tuesday 31 Dec 2013 - 8:54 AM
    So who's the idiot at The Vine who commissioned this 'story'? What a crock of absolute shit.
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  • Jeromey's avatar
    Commenter
    Jeromey
    Date and time
    Wednesday 08 Jan 2014 - 11:46 AM
    Yes indeed there are some really stupid people in this country who are so stupid they are not afraid to let everyone else know that they are stupid how stupid is that? I won't be coming back here its run by vacuous wannabe nobodies
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  • ulrichziegler's avatar
    Commenter
    ulrichziegler
    Date and time
    Friday 17 Jan 2014 - 5:39 PM
    More important is the practicality and where you can be comfortable. - http://westhill.pl
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