Top 10 Obvious Halloween Costume Ideas
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As we become increasingly Americanised (or is that Americanized?) Halloween, like our waistlines, swells into a bigger and bigger deal. This year Google searches for All Souls Halloween related costumes and products in Australia have hit a high, while eBay tells us the holiday is doubling the sales of some businesses.
As you frantically pull together your last minute topical Halloween costume, in preparation for that big exciting warehouse rave you just got invited to, remember that the more original and exciting your costume is, the more likely you are to get laid because of it. Then just give up and dress as one of these things instead.
10. Julia Gillard
If you want to swap the exposed look for different sexist clichés, I have no doubt the wig shop I live above has ordered triple the usual amount of ginger soccer-mum weaves this spooky season. If you’re a Herald Sun reader, you earn bonus points by combining your cheap polyester suit and hair with a muzzle around your mouth or a witch’s hat (don’t laugh, we all know it’s happening).
Better option: Dressing as a giant, denim clad bottom with a large badge of Germane Greer’s face pinned to your back pocket.
9. A Shire cast-member
Yes, it’s easy because boys just have to take off their shirts and paint on Southern Cross tattoos and girls just need to abandon their taste and dignity, but must the pale and derisive residents of the inner suburbs really turn on the worst our reality programming has to offer in cruel impersonation? Can’t we all just collectively forget?
Better option: Zombie Network Ten Executive
8. Anything US Election Related
While the psychodrama and hilarious media idiocy that categorises the seemingly endless road to the polls in the United States may be compelling, it’s worth remembering that when the whole world is watching, at least some of them are also making totally bad-ass Half-Romney/Half-Terminator facemasks that will completely outshine your pithy dark blue suit and American flag pin. That being said, if you do an excellent Paul Ryan impersonation and own a nice sturdy wooden ruler, I have $100 and an interesting request for you.
Better option: The London Olympic Mascots. Now dated, still frightening.
7. Gina Rinehart
Oh yes, I know it’s easy to recycle that old Star Wars costume, or pull on a doona and a wig, or make some other kind of reference to the girth and follicular preferences of Australia’s richest woman. It’s also tempting to dress as a dragon, or Mr Monopoly, or a huge sack of cash and just tell people you’re Gina, but believe me, if I can come up with these slightly offensive ideas in four seconds, so can at least 12 other people at the party. Also, a PR agent emailed me to tell me the costume shop she works for has been getting mask requests.
Better option: Zombie Lang Hancock
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