I remember it well. It was during the summer of ’88 that my parentals decided to invest in the future and bestow us with a VCR. Eagerness and naivety led us to purchase the black sheep of the home entertainment family, the BETA recorder. After the initial disillusionment of not being able to fit the videotapes into the machine we finally tracked down a video store that stocked VHS’ distant ugly cousin and so begins my horrifying tale.
There’s nothing quite like that first experience of entering a video store and finally being able to pick anything, a responsibility I did not take lightly. The choice was
Gremlins as we had recently watched
ET and thought we would experience something in that calibre. If Spielberg presents the film, how could it possibly be scary?
Approximately 90 minutes later the eagerness turned to sheer terror as I witnessed a world in which cute looking furry animals turned into blood thirsty creatures capable of anything. In this universe Christmas trees attacked innocent mothers and tortured the family pet. Worst of all, it appeared they liked hiding in dark spaces and unfortunately there were many of those around our house.
Twenty years later after anything breaks I still contemplate the film’s chilling final words and consider for a split second the voiceover's advice to turn on all the lights, look under the bed, because it might just be a gremlin. I believe this is commonly referred to as trauma.
Whilst anyone born after ’92 probably missed many of the previous cultural references, the eighties were a landmine in the home entertainment department. The video store was a new concept and as parents seemed unaware of the content, many of us were inadvertently exposed to films that were clearly not suited for the age bracket.
The end result was countless sleepless nights and while the films are no longer scary we will never forget the moment our innocence was violently taken away with the pressing of the play button on the remote control.
Taking a trip down memory lane, these are the films that forever ruined my childhood. Whilst I am able to look back and laugh, these movies terrified the living daylights out of me as I understood it was fiction but still wasn’t completely convinced it couldn’t happen.
Gremlins (1984)This film terrified me purely based on expectations. Gizmo was cute in the
ET vein but then things clearly take a turn for the worse. Most of all I remember this dark story of Christmas night as told by Pheobe Cates which with time has become darkly comical.
Stephen King’s It (1990)For those unfamiliar with Jonathan Brandis, he was the early nineties non-singing Zac Efron, boys wanted to be like him and girls thought he was dreamy. In one unfortunate outing to the video store we decided to have a Brandis triple feature of
Ladybugs, Sidekicks and
Stephen King’s It. Worst sleepover ever.
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)I first heard about the mythic Freddie Kruger in grade three as Mark Paino would brag about having recently viewed the film and not being scared. A fortunate late night screening on television left me sleepless for weeks. Why did it have to be in dreams?
Poltergeist (1982)This film still creeps me out to this very day. The brilliance lies in making the suburbs a living nightmare... more so.
Child’s Play (1988)When my universe revolved around action figures the notion that they could suddenly attack horrified me to no end. Having seen the film was the ultimate test of manhood around the playground in the eastern suburbs circa 1990.
** EDITOR'S NOTE **Sebastian has compiled a cracking list. I couldn't agree more about Stephen King's It. I ruined a perfectly good outing to Ashton's Circus because of that film.
But before publishing his list, I thought I would add a couple of the kiddy films that caused me to retreat into a fort made out of couch cushions.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Return to Oz was FUCKED UP. Especially the Wheelers and that nasty Mombi character.
I also used to have a bit of a love/hate relationship with
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The start lulled me into a false sense of security (Chocolate rivers! Tasty wallpaper! Jolly fat kids!) but then THIS happened:
Last but not least, there was a film I used to love called
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It had a FLYING CAR in it, so it had me at 'hello'. It was getting two enthusiastic five-year-old thumbs up until they introduced a character called The Child Catcher. Then I ran screaming from the television set.
So. Which films ruined your childhood? Please share - we will not judge.