The irritation of the Facebook status update is often enough to send me reaching for the hair dryer while running a bath. Let's face it: It's the perfect breeding ground for unashamed self-righteousness, criticism, vanity, promotion, passive aggressiveness and of course, ostentatiousness like nothing else.
We've all been guilty of at least one painful status crime. Whether it's informing your friend list of a soon-to-be holiday destination, or the fact that you're seeing (insert latest flavour of the month indie band) play at a warehouse on the weekend. But as is often the case, ignorance is bliss, and as you are swept up in the emotion of the status crime, you often forget just how much of a douche bag you sound like.
Here are a few of the classic crimes.
5. Let everyone know you're overseas
Chances are you are going to ignore any advice given to you anyway, but a quick update will remind everyone that you're on the other side of the world and they aren't.
4. The cry out for attention
This is usually proceeded by 25 comments from people who are just as desperate for affection as you are. If you are silly enough to reply with "what happened??", then all is
lost on you.
3. The cryptic update that only you understand
This possibly just came into your mind and you thought posting it on Facebook might add some value. It doesn't. You know this and your friends know this. Don't do it.
2. Involve your friend list in utterly mundane decisions
If, as a fully grown adult, you are having to put these kinds of questions to the survey, you should be asking some of the bigger questions.
And finally my most hated of all the status updates...
1. Let everyone know everything you did today
Yes it could. For you and for everyone on your friend list. Are you questioning your contentment so much so, that you feel you need to tell 400 people these irrelevant details?
In conclusion: the Facebook status update should only be used for paying homage to hilarious quotes, or posting links to your Vine articles.