So, you busted your ass in front of apathetic talent scouts for decades - since the month you learned how to walk, in fact - pressured relentlessly from the sidelines by an unfulfilled guardian-turned-coach. Through searing heat and pouring rain alike, you'd sprint, push, tackle, throw, jump, weave and shoot faster and harder than each time before, faster and harder than each guy before. But then you started getting old - that is, for a teenager. The narrow window of sporting opportunity was rapidly edging shut. You thought about lowering your sights towards just a scholarship - a higher education and nothing more - something to fall back on. But then the phone rang. And when you picked it up, at the other end was a contract...

You began missing birthdays for training camps, reunions for endless fixtures on the opposite coast. You left lovers behind in cities where you were no longer guaranteed a start. You dropped doctors who warned of the damage to your body faster than you'd drop opponents. Then, finally, on one glorious day it all peaked. They handed you the cup/the belt/the medal/the trophy-shaped-like-the-ball-of-your-chosen-sport, and the damn thing almost slipped straight through your tired, sweaty, bloodied palms. You made it, kid: the undisputed champ'. Confetti started falling at your feet. But something wasn't right. This summit didn't feel like you'd imagined it would, after all those years of waiting. There was a sour taste in your mouth, increasing - not helped by that celebratory cigar.

"Holy-f*cking-sh*t!", the revelation finally hits you. "I never truly wanted this!… All I ever truly wanted was to sing."

10. Tottenham's Glenn Hoddle & Chris Waddle - Diamond Lights (1987)
A secret, guilty part of me was actually kind of liking this song - right up until the dodgy lip syncing at 2.40mins.



9. 1990s' NFL and MLB All-Pro, Deion Sanders - Must Be The Money (1994)
A career straddling two major sports leagues inevitably wrote the tune that first drew our attention to a serious, growing issue: mo money = mo problems.



8. San Antonio Spur, Tony Parker - Premier Love (2007)
Even the shittest rhymes can sound poignant in French... in fact, that sly mother Tony was counting on it.



7. Former F1 Champion, Jacques Villeneuve - Accepterais-tu? (2006)
Um, you remember how I once said anything can sound better in French?… Scratch that.



6. Liverpool FC - Anfield Rap (1988)
I flipped a coin to choose between this abomination or the 1985 Chicago Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle. I couldn't possibly have subjected you to both.



5. BWAA 90s "Fighter of the Decade", Roy Jones Junior - Y'all Must Have Forgot (2006)
Condensing a biased retelling of one's entire career into just 2 minutes and 41 seconds deserves some sort of title in itself. Surely.



4. L.A. Lakers - Just Say No (1987)
Once Pat Riley took to the mic, I could have sworn I was high for sure.



3. Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right (1984)
Right on, Mr. T! And I pity any fool who suggests he wasn't a sports star. (...Being a champion college wrestler and footballer, before becoming a pro-wrestler, counts. My rules.)



2. Track and field champion, Carl Lewis - Break It Up (1987)
How Carl wasn't stripped of his nine Olympic gold medals following this, I'll never know.



1. BWAA 2000s "Fighter of the Decade", Manny Pacquiao - Sometimes When We Touch (2009)
It's one thing for an athlete to record a song in the relative safety of a studio. It's truly something else to perform it live in front of an audience and millions of television viewers. Manny, your honesty really is too much. LOVE you.




They weren't the first sports/song offenders, and they certainly won't be the last. Check out the image gallery up-top for their equally awesome album covers, plus a few extras who only just missed the cut.


BONUS BECAUSE WE CAN! Manny Pacquiao - Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You (2010)