God, it's hard to think that it was only 24 hours ago that we were sitting down to the very first edition of News You Can Use. We were so young. So hopeful. A good deal heavier. So much has changed... Like what? Well, let me tell you:

News

Does Australia Have a Government Yet? Still no, would you believe, although we did inch ever so vaguely closer to Parliamentary fruition with the announcement of a deal between Labor and the Greens. Abbott was of course quick to lambast the whole arrangement and accused the Greens of never taking him seriously, but news of this announcement was about as surprising as discovering the ongoing presence of oxygen in the air, so I can't imagine he was overly dismayed. In other heartening news for Gillard et al, news of Wilkie's rejection would appear to have been highly exaggerated as he continues to meet with various members of the Labor party about undisclosed matters. Transparency! Meanwhile, Abbott is going to have a delightful day after Treasury last night announced the presence of an $11 BILLION hole in the Opposition's pre-election budget forecasts.  Andrew Robb has cheerfully rejected the figure as a "difference of opinion". Much like Chernobyl was really just a "difference of opinion" on nuclear safety standards. The Government's figures, on the other hand, were found to be pretty much in line with what they claimed, but I guess perhaps that was because they actually tested them with Treasury before the election.

Katter-watch: Katter don' like climate change.

NSW Minister resigns over use of porn and gambling websites: That should go down well in the elections next year. Paul McLeay, the Minister for Ports and Waterways, yesterday resigned after news emerged of his proclivity for visiting certain adult and gambling sites while using work computers. Of course, work computers in this case means Parliamentary computers, the traffic of which is quite easily trackable and dispensable to the media. So, it eventually hit the public domain, which is really where one wants their porn viewing habits to reside, and thus the world was treated to what must have been the most awkward press conference in recorded history. A representative quote: "I spoke to my wife first, and then the Premier, and then my mother". Your mother? Damn. Now there is a phone conversation I simply can not fathom having. McLeay's resignation makes him the fourth Minister to leave the Keneally Cabinet this year. NAGL.

Four Israelis shot in the West Bank. Professional assholes Hamas take responsibility. This unprovoked attack comes at a delicate time in Israeli-Palestine relations as both parties edge toward, for the first time in twenty months, being able to actually sit in the same room and start talking about how much they hate one another AKA negotiations. Further inflaming the situation (although, what wouldn't inflame that situation? Cake would inflame that situation) is Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu's declaration that come September 26 they're going to start building Israeli settlements in the West Bank again. A point of contention because the Palestinians still see the West Bank, with some justification, as being militarily occupied by Israel. Yeah, those negotiations are gonna go so well. If you need some crib notes on the innumerable complexities of the situation, I wrote a short guide a few months back during all that Gaza flotilla unpleasantness.

Wikileaks founder questioned by Swedish police: Julian Assange, the Melbourne-born founder of Wikileaks, has been questioned by Swedish police over allegations of molestation, which, I assure you, does not mean the same thing over there as it does here. Basically the charge seems to equate out to being generally mean to women i.e. refusing to wear a condom and get an STI check, although there is some suggestion he pushed the boundaries of consent too. All very strange and unflattering and isn't the media just loving it. As, I can imagine, are various governments around the world. Assange, meanwhile, is convinced it's all part of a plot by the Pentagon to undermine the Wikileaks project, which doesn't make him look all that sensitive to the tawdry nature of the case, but from an international intrigue perspective, gosh, it would make things awfully exciting, wouldn't it?

Russians told to drink and smoke more. The excise on alcohol and cigarettes is being increased, leading Russia's finance minister to declare that "If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates... People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state". As a country where the average citizen already consumes 18 litres of alcohol/vodka a year, this strikes me as exactly the sort of advice that Russians need. Although with this study showing that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, perhaps they're on to something...

Features

Could humble, plentiful thorium hold the key to safe nuclear energy? A piece in the UK Telegraph which suggests that with the right amount of funding a vastly more efficient, safer and easily accessible form of thorium-based nuclear power could be feasible within a few years. The phrase "magic bullet" is being used. Of course, getting people to fund the project is another matter altogether. Interests be entrenched y'all.

Vanity Fair's profile of Sarah Palin: There are few greater pleasures in this world than sitting down and reading a lengthy article on how batshit insane America is. This is one of those articles.

Oddities/Curiosities

Woman's Day is facing up to a certain amount of criticism after printing an ad that essentially tied success in the business world to washing out one's vagina.

A doctor in the US has died after getting stuck in the chimney of her sometimes lover. She was trying to crawl down the chimney after he had refused to let her into the house. Apparently her previous efforts to enter via shovel had been unsuccessful, although it's not specified whether this means she was trying to dig her way in. Meanwhile the lover escaped through the back door to "avoid a confrontation". Grim and hilarious. Reminds me of this scene from Gremlins.

Video

I don't really have anything news based today, so here, have a dog dancing the GODDAMN MERENGUE