Katy Perry kissed a girl, and I didn't like it. The American singer didn't just kiss a girl, she wrote a song about it, sold millions of records and trivialised a pretty serious issue. And did I mention that she's straight?
Pretending to be a lesbian is suddenly cool. It's hip not to be square. Celesbianism, as it has been labelled, is on the front pages, at the top of the charts and making money like never before.
Perry is leading the charge (and performing in Sydney tonight). She recently spent six weeks at the top of the ARIA singles charts with her single I Kissed A Girl. Its lyrics include: "I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry ChapStick."
The song even spent seven weeks at the top of the notoriously fickle American charts last month, tying with the Beatles' I Want To Hold Your Hand as the longest-running No. 1 for Capitol Records since 1964.
Who would have thought? Certainly no one who bought Perry's previous album, a collection of Christian gospel songs she, a daughter of Protestant pastors, released under the name Katy Hudson. Far from kissing girls, the lead single from that album was Trust In Me, with lyrics such as "Don't worry, for I've healed the blind man and set the captives free".
Cue an overnight makeover, some fauxmosexual lyrics, a masterfully manufactured image and behold! A new, improved and, it goes without saying, successful product.
But lesbians and gays haven't spent the past few decades fighting for equal rights only to have it thrown back in our faces as a novelty song about being, like, totally outrageous to kiss someone of the same sex.
Riding shotgun with Perry on the lesbian-as-social-currency bandwagon is the Veronicas' Jess Origliasso. Barely a day goes by that her romance with MTV VJ (and bona fide, lifelong lesbian) Ruby Rose isn't breathlessly reported with every staged "sighting". Look, there they are canoodling at a restaurant, there they are making out at a bar. Oh, is their new album really out this week?
Add tabloid-hungry Lindsay Lohan and her DJ girlfriend, Samantha Ronson (They Swapped Engagement Rings! They're Moving In!) and even the designer Marc Jacobs to the list. He has selected Russian duo Tatu to replace Victoria Beckham as the faces of his latest collection. Remember them? No, didn't think so. They were paraded on Eurovision in 2003 as a "lesbian couple", only to be revealed as a marketing ploy dreamt up by their Svengali manager.
Their Warholian moment came when they made out on live television wearing matching school uniforms. Most assumed they would be footnoted into musical history by now, but Marc Jacobs, channelling the zeitgeist, has dragged them out of Siberian obscurity.
But what part does real lesbianism have in all of this? You know, the type based on genetic - rather than marketing - instinct?
By pretending it's cool to kiss other girls for fun, Perry insults the very people she is parodying - real life, garden-variety lesbians. When the bulbs stop flashing and the fad moves on, the sexuality of lesbians and gays will remain steadfastly unchanged. In its place is a confused and battered community that has been taken for a ride.
The current popular culture "acceptance" of lesbianism is a temporary pass that is expected to be handed back when the novelty wears off. It's OK to go for a swim off the Isle of Lesbos, but don't ever think about living there.
What does this say to girls struggling with their own sexuality? When Perry steps out with her boyfriend, or Origliasso settles down with a guy, or Lohan courts the next headline with a bloke, the mixed messages are extremely confusing.
In interviews, Perry implies it's just all a bit of fun. But when up to 30 per cent of teen suicides in the US are by lesbian or gay teens, it's very a dangerous game for celebrities to play.
The gay equality movement has gradually, thankfully, started to take hold across the world. And then along comes a simple, straight singer with dollars in her eyes who takes us back to a fantasyland created by video-clip directors.
It's time for Perry to stop kissing girls and start taking responsibility for the knock-on effect of her thoughtless lyrics.
By Tim DugganTim Duggan is the co-founder of the gay and lesbian website
www.SameSame.com.au