Falls Music Festival
Lorne, Victoria
Wednesday 30th December

Out of state Christmas festivities see me arrive in Lorne, Victoria, on the morning of the 30th December. It's hot. Very hot. We make a quick stop in town to pick-up some basic necessities and the vibrancy of Lorne is in full swing. On to the camp site and the task of erecting the five man tent we got our hands on, last minute, is fast becoming a punishing reality. "Has anyone ever done this before"? "Fucking city kids". Half an hour later we have something that resembles a domicile - or rather, a bit of art that belongs in a Berlin gallery. Or the bin. I stand by the claim that it's somehow the only 2 dimensional tent in the history of camping equipment .

First stop is the Grand Theatre big top stage and first cab off the rank are Dew Process kids Yves Klein Blue. They're in full swing when we arrive and the early crowd is firmly in the back pocket of front man Michael Tomlinson. Though we've missed most of their set, the super-single 'Polka' is a great way to kick-off the festival as the guys roll around violently, dry humping their instruments and other such metaphoric efforts.

Out into the wilderness and the beauty of The Valley stage; a natural amphitheatre which plays home to the Falls main stage. A surreal backdrop of mountainous forest and crystal blue sky lies in front. So too does DJ Zan Rowe who is ripping it up on the decks and warming up the scattered crowd with familiar beats. Rowe closes out a popular set and makes way for Scottish band the View.

The View are a band who I've been less than impressed with previously. A stock standard brit-pop flavour of the month band, the pasty lads face a formidable task of entertaining in the midday sun. Their set is wishy-washy and garage sounding, emulating that of a debut practice session. The only thing missing, their mum up the stairs yelling 'Shut up, your fathers trying to sleep!". Singles 'Same Jeans' and 'Wasted little DJ's' get a few feet tapping, but it's not enough to be memorable.  

It's time for some cold treats and we're thrilled to find out we're paying just $5 a beer. Or 6 for $25 if you're chasing a bargain. It makes an incredible difference on the back pocket, unlike most other festivals. The 6 for $25 was the winner by the way, and combined with the midday sun it's definitely doing its job. The View are now a distant memory and I'm back under the shade of the big-top watching Chairlift close out their set. The Brooklyn electro-popster's have a solid crowd - possibly thanks to the kids clamouring for shade - but either way their dreamy synth tunes are washing hitting the spot. The punter in the Geelong Cats jersey seems to agree, too: "Not bad, not bad...go the Cats". The faces of Chairlift seem to agree from a distance. 

Back on the main stage, The Herd frontman, Tim Levinson, is doing his thing under the pseudonym Urthboy and the crowd gathers to it's largest so far. The masses of singlet wearing, 6 for $25 clients are are reveling in this first taste of Aussie Hip-Hop and the rewards are evident. It also leads to our first game of the festival.

TATTOO WATCH

- The Bundy Rum bear on the bicep.

- The Southern Cross on three different parts of the body.

- A 30cm x 30cm picture of the Scales of Justice across the back (Possibly the worst tattoo in the history of ink).

I'm reasonably excited about Icelandic songstress Emilíana Torrini; namely due to her vocal contributions on one of my favourite albums of all time, Thievery Corporation's The Richest Man in Babylon. She's shy and polite, almost blushing as the crowd welcomes her on stage. Her voice is truly amazing, nowhere more so than on the fun 'Jungle Drum'. No shit tattoos in this crowd, just happy faces and smiling eardrums. Why she isn't playing main stage is beyond me.

Did I mention it's 6 beers for $25?  

"Go the fuckin' cats!"

One of the great aspects of any festival is the eclecticism/idiots you find sprinkled throughout. Whether that be the fashions, the music, or the unavoidable idiosyncrasies which people refuse to leave behind in their natural habitat. Somethings aren't thought through, while others have been given far too much. Four dudes dressed as the Ninja Turtles are recreating a fight scene. It's close to 40 degrees and they're in fluro-green spandex with paper mache shells. While this is taking place a guy walks past wearing a top hat and suspenders, drinking a coffee. Just down to my left another gent thinks the sneakiest way to give his mate a pill is to pretend like they're having a kiss - they do and it takes them about 5 seconds before they realise what they've just done. The hilarity continues over my shoulder as two girls are sitting in a blow up boat with no water in it; evidently unfamiliar with plastic in the sun. All this has happened within a five minute journey and it's hard to pull away from. 

One of the more talked about bands of 2009 ambles onto stage seemingly void off all pretensions and launch into a beautiful set. I'm talking of New York's Grizzly Bear. Ed Droste's voice is in gorgeous form and after an early evening college cigarette we find ourselves comprehensively lost in the beauty of the Bear, their subtle, orchestral sounds perfect for the stunning natural amphitheatre. Songs from Veckatamist inspire the loudest roars - most notably 'While You Wait For The Others'. The somewhat untimely closer of 'On A Neck, On A Spit' creates a minor anti-climax, but we feel far from unrewarded.

From one buzz band to another - The Temper Trap have garnered more international chit-chat than possibly any other Australian band over the past year. Today marks their first return to the homeland festival scene since the V Fest, way back in April. Dougy Mandagi and his cohorts storm the stage to the largest reception of the day. It's a sight to see. Possibly not since Wolfmother or The Vines has an Australian band received this reception and it's evident that the guys can hardly contain their excitement. Rumour has it that Dougy's voice box is hanging on by a string. A shorter set than billed seems to confirm these rumours, but it doesn't detract. 'Science of Fear' achieves the desired hysteria before Mandagi joins the crowd at the barrier to thank them for their sweet dispositions. *boom tish* 

TATTOO WATCH

- Python wrapped around the Southern Cross.

I feel myself warping into/revealing myself as one of the aforementioned bogans, hastily replacing the Carlton Draught cans with Bundy and Coke. Extra Smooth Bundy and Coke, ladies. As the transformation from man into beast takes place, UK whippets The Editors are creating a racketl on main stage as the sun begins to set behind the hills. 'Munich' at dusk is a real treat, but the crowd really fires for 'Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors'.

I find myself backstage: The Yeah Yeah Yeah's have their own amazing igloo style seclusion and Grizzly Bear are playing checkers. As is customary, I make my way into a friend's trailer and pocket as much booze as I can. The next couple of rounds prove to be the cheapest of the day.

The Midnight Juggernauts are now on stage and there's very little standing room available. With just the one album to date, the Melbourne dance-darlings still manage to play an expansive set featuring songs from their cult-followed EP's Into the Galaxy and Shadows. I am now one of 16,000 singing along vivaciously to 'Tombstone'.  

As we know, the Falls line-up shifts between two locations. Lorne and Marion Bay in Tasmania. The Marion Bay crowd will countdown 2009 under the direction of Karen O. We don't get that, but we do get them. The stage is set - a giant eyeball sits aloft. Things glitter. The moment is right, the crowd at its peak. Out come the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who explode into their set with....really shit sound. Really shit. What going on? Please, someone turn it up!

They don't and it's a hard blemish to ignore. A tinny snare drum and a droning bass frequencies sludge through the balmy summer air. Karen O is dressed in a multi-coloured cloke type garment, which right now is louder than her vocals. Still, she commands respect, stalking wildly around stage like a diva on crack. The set is jam-packed with YYY's classics: 'Gold Lion', 'Zero', 'Heads Will Roll'', before 'Maps' closes the night coupled by a wave of confetti. Nevertheless, what could have been an amazing moment has been marred by an inexcusable foible behind the mixing console.

The rest of the evening plays out in usual post 1:30am festival fashion. Bag Raiders & The Hoop DJ's do all that's required to entertain the inebriated remainders of the Grand Theatre, while Major Lazer keep the main stage crowd bouncing to the rafters. A quick stage invasion from some of the more promiscuous females, and 2am has landed on our shoulders.  

After another hour or two of banter and drink destruction, decide to head back to the tents and consider the possibility of the sun rising. On the seemingly perpetual walk home we're joined by Aleks from Aleks and the Ramps, who suggests we head back to his campsite for a few nightcaps and a quick game of 'Celebricheese'. Now, for those who have never heard of this game, I warn you…you will lose hours, days, possibly months of your life as it encapsulates your existence.

Here's how it goes:  

It's a free flowing game in which all participants need to involve a celebrity's name in a pun which features a food. Some popular ones that kick started the game:  

'Bread Pitt'. 'Crispskin Slater', 'Ham Worthington'…

5AM

'Mussel Crow'

5:30AM

'Egg Ryan', 'Sally Fieldmushroom'

6:00AM

'Prawn Penn', 'Tom Shanks', 'Breadward Norton',.

6:45AM

*scene missing*

7AM

I'm somehow back in my piece of art. Time for bed.

(I encourage as many reader additions to Celebricheese as possible. You may soon discover - as have I - that it's consumed your life).

READ PART 2 OF OUR FALLS FESTIVAL REVIEW

(Pics: Sarah McEvoy)