Throughout centuries of human evolution, man has consistently found pause to take a perfectly good song and screw it up beyond recognition.
As is often the case, these artists are guilty long before such travesties occur, simply by existing. So to summon the courage and audacity to produce the following is worthy of the highest punishment. A list on the internet.
Such is the minefield of what constitutes a 'cover', we had to set some parameters here. No phone clips of your local busker. No shower scenes. No unsuspecting karaoke queens on a hens night. Only officially sanctioned for mass-consumption, ego-swabbing aberrations of the highest order.
10. Madonna – 'American Pie'
(Don Henley)
Don McLean released American Pie in 1971 as a personal homage to the 1959 plane crash which killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper. The general meaning of the term “American Pie” remained a topic of fierce debate....until Madonna release her cover version of it. Draped in an American flag, the witch boils it down to two girls kissing.
Then there's the synth that enters at 0:25?
Released March 3, 2000. The day the music died.
YouTube comment: IrkenAlchemist: This should never exist. Kill it with fire.
9. Avril Lavigne – 'The Scientist'
(Coldplay)
I'm a Coldplay fan. I have no qualms admitting it - or fighting you - because I think this is a beautiful song by Mr. Martin and Co. Now, I could write a list of highly indefensible reasons why this cover is so, so wrong – or, we could do the responsible thing and take note of a:
YouTube comment: goandeatshitc*nt: This ugly, dirty Canadian should never got a record deal. She sounds like a strangled cat, if I never hear from her again it will be too soon. Oh and her music is seriously shit. I hate this slut. Who does she think she is covering a great British band? Silly bitch.
8. The Proclaimers – '17'
(Kings of Leon)
When I stumbled across this cover it surprised me for two reasons: 1. I had no idea the Proclaimers were still alive, and 2. this video has some of the most bizarre editing I've ever seen. Be sure to note the pogo-like switch moves from the duo. And the fatal inclusion of the harmonica.
YouTube comment: jamie71907 i would walk 500 miles to never hear this cover again
7. Celine Dion & Anastacia – 'You Shook Me All Night Long'
(AC/DC)
And they say heavy metal is Satanic. A powerful case.
YouTube comment: TheMangarita: that was disgusting. I exept the fact that covers don't have to be the the same but that's an insult. This song isn't meant to be sung by women 'she told me to come but I was already there'. Celine deon: sea lion dying.
6. Rolf Harris – Stairway To Heaven
(Led Zeppelin)
When Jimmy Page and Robert Plant were brainstorming this track I highly doubt a wobble board was in the room. "Oi Bonham, gis sum ov yer wobble guv".
<insert punch on>.
Still, to be covered by ROFL Harris...
(!)
YouTube comment: wingthwong Yes is a horid rendition, but it's always an honor to get a Rolf Harris nod on your song. Like most of weird Al songs, they are truly horid, but they are nods to the originals, in a funny and demented way. Rolf Harris is primarily a comedy singer like Ray Stevens, Weird Al, Roger Miller, and so on. He also did this to entertain children as well.
5. David Hasselhoff – Love Me Tender
(Elvis)
I'm still not sure if Hasslehoff is taking the piss. Or is just super high. Y/N?
4. Alien Ant Farm – 'Smooth Criminal'
(Michael Jackson)
Were Alien Ant Farm just a cheese dream? Did four IT guys really perform this song in a wrestling ring? Did the singer really have a bum crack shaved down the middle of his head? How much do you want to gut that tubby-faced bass player? A glaring omission from MJ's memorial service last year.
YouTube comment: MJFAN216 They Did not even do the lean by self i mean that you can't do with sneakers and guitar in your hand's......and they use a "dancer" boy who did'nt even dance good and they use MJ stuff like bilie jean step's son of a biches!!!!
3. Shannon Noll – 'What About Me?'
(Written by Gary Frost and Frances Swan)
First performed by The Moving Pictures
It's an undeniable achievement to be able take an awful track and make it worse. Shannon Noll achieved this feat. The 2003 idol runner-up proved his hitherto unknown solo credentials with...this wet biscuit of a cover.
YouTube comment: khisraw420 lol its funny on his concert i had the biggest punch on sorry Shanon mate 1000 apology !!
2. Britney Spears – 'Satisfaction'
(The Rolling Stones)
'Satisfaction' was written by the Stones in 1965 and birthed their first US number 1. A world-renowned classic, it is, essentially, folklore. But sure, obviously it needed a bit of work, and fortunately for us Britney Spears took on the massive task of defiling it herself.
YouTube comment: scg325 i was in elementary school and i came in and turned on the tv n it just happened to be her, my gramps thought i was watching porn lol 4
1. Avril Lavigne – 'Chop Suey'
(System Of A Down)
We've reached the number one spot and I think it's only befitting that the queen of song-slaughter claims the title. We've seen a lot of awful things in this top 10 list, and yet I vehemently protest that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to music in the history of man. If you don't throw up the heart of a baby seal while listening to this, there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Enjoy.
YouTube comment: INKsie from now on the sight or mention of avril lavigne will fill me with anger and disgust.
Nick Holt (with Marcus)