So the reviews of Tron Legacy and its much anticipated Daft Punk soundtrack are starting to trickle in but I'm refusing to read any for either, even though the headlines on a couple have taunted me with "disappointing". (You know what? Including the word "disappointing" in your headline was pretty disappointing too, numb-nuts, though I thank you for lowering my expectations to a more reasonable level).

No, I have taken a personal vow to experience Daft Punk's first all-new album since 2005's Human After All in the way they surely intended and in the optimum conditions available to me. I shall forthwith ignore any and all reviews and/or heinously compressed Youtube clips until I take my seat in Melbourne's 3D IMAX cinema on December 16th; a full 10 days after the release of the soundtrack.

Here's why, just like teen virgins across America, I'm taking a pledge of abstinence...


1. Like the Jonas Brothers before me this abstinence is a religious matter. While I don't believe in God per se, I was in Hyde Park in 2007 to witness Daft Punk (or their helmeted stand-ins, who really cares?) atop their mighty pyramid of lights; a quasi-religious experience if ever I had one.


2. According to those of a religious bent, waiting makes it better. Yes, it's unnatural but in this case there are clear advantages (see below).


3. According to a snippet from a recent interview with Dazed & Confused, this may not be the Daft Punk we know and love. “We knew from the start that there was no way we were going to do this film score with two synthesizers and a drum machine,” they said, slightly worryingly. But then this is the duo who mastered the art of mixing electric guitars with electro so who am I to doubt them if they want to pick up the violin? This is, after all, a movie score. I therefore choose to hear it, for the first time at least, with the movie itself.

Furthermore, in the same interview the duo cited film score composer legends Max Steiner [King Kong], Bernard Hermmann [Hitchcock classics such as Vertigo] and John Carpenter [director and pioneering electronic score composer of Escape from New York and Halloween] as inspirations. Music to my ears.

To conclude: This album will make more sense with the movie itself. Hearing it without the visuals might cause me to question the wisdom of Daft Punk and that could be heresy (depending on your belief system).


4. Melbourne's IMAX boasts 15,000 watt 6-channel digital surround sound and "uses no form of sound compression, thus losing no sound information and therefore delivering the world standard in cinema sound." I'm pretty sure Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo would rather I hear their meticulously crafted work on this system than through my iPod Nano and lowly Sennheiser earbuds or, heaven-forbid, through my totally bass-less Vivo TV ("vivid and alive" doesn't apply to it's built in speakers apparently).


5. The screen I'll watch Tron Legacy on measures a vision-engulfing 32 metres x 23 metres and my seats are bang in the middle of the auditorium. It is Melbourne's biggest screen and Australia's largest 3D image. In short, I should feel very much "in-like-Flynn"; i.e. when he was scanned and beamed into the world of Tron.

Since Daft Punk composed the album to complement this movie I hereby, out of deference to them (and because I'm shamelessly chasing the dragon that was the Hyde Park experience), choose the medium that promises to make me pee my pants in awe. This rules out Youtube and pirated DVD.


6. Your first time should be "special". When comparing sitting at home, intoxicated on cider, and experiencing the collective joy amongst an amped-up crowd of Daft Punk fans and eye-candy whores, the latter takes it.


7. Popping your cherry - whether it be having sex or sky-diving - should be memorable. The fact that I'll experience Tron Legacy for the first time in 3D IMAX means I'll have no choice but to be sober*, thereby almost guaranteeing that I'll remember the experience.

(*This is due to an unfortunate incident back in London where I toked on something ill-advised in a phone box before attempting to watch Tyrannosaurus Rex 3D. After climbing the heavily raked stairs that are a feature of an IMAX theatre I donned my glasses, only to pull a horrifying white-out as the 3D trailer began and overloaded my struggling brain. I immediately fled to the nearest toilet which I proceeded to hug for the duration of the movie. Though I doubt I missed that much with Tyrannosaurus Rex 3D, I shall not make the same mistake again.)


8. While I don't largely adhere to their views on religion or sex, America's Abstinence Clearinghouse do highlight the benefits of waiting [until December 16th to experience Tron Legacy], such as:

“...building self-esteem [I'll feel stronger for having waited], developing values/character traits [I'll know Daft Punk would approve], formulating goals [I aimed to wait, I scored], making decisions [MP3 versus uncompressed], avoiding risky behavior [illegal downloading], maximizing communication [seeing it with a crowd], strengthening relationships [sharing the experience with friends], understanding development and anatomy [of the inside of a computer], preventing STDs [I aim to keep my pants on], withstanding social and peer pressure [mental note: avoid Facebook], addressing consequences/self-control [see #7], resolving sexual conflicts [who knows who I'll sit next to?], learning etiquette and manners [my seats are in the middle of the row and yet, sadly, I will probably need a toilet break], aspiring to marriage [lead actor Garrett Hedlund?], understanding parenthood [the plot clearly revolves around father/son issues]”.

To conclude: Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.


9. According to the True Love Waits chastity program, from whom I gathered useful tips on abstaining, waiting means "not looking at pornography or pictures that feed sexual thoughts." I figure that if it's okay for religious folks to interpret the words of their bibles to suit their own ends then it's fine for me too. Therefore, I pledge not to watch any Daft Punk Tron Legacy videos on YouTube as they're clearly techno-porn which will only feed my urges. I shall wait for the sacred moment itself. I might even cry a little afterward.


10. I've taken a pledge to do right by Daft Punk for the many moments of true love they've brought into my life. Okay, I only need to wait a little under two weeks but a man is only as good as his word. And so, to paraphrase the handy True Love Waits pledge:

"Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God Daft Punk, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime 12 days of purity including sexual Tron Legacy abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship Melbourne's IMAX cinema."


Now I wait.