In the first of a two part post, Dan W from Art vs Science report on chicken pies, salsa dancing and sexual awakenings, from the midst of their current nationwide 'Magic Fountain' tour.
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Hello everybody!
Half way through our Magic Fountain tour and life is WEIRD.
Check it and so forth:
August 11 (early morning) until August 15 (early morning)
First up, introductions. Main characters in this tale are:
Me, the narrator, known as Dan W. I hit things with small pieces of wood.
Then there is Jim Finn, who hits plastic things with his fingers that complete a circuit and send signal to an amplifier via bunch of pedals that I don’t understand in order to make loud sounds. He also sings.
Then there is Dan Mac, who does the same thing as Jim Finn, except sometimes also plays this thing called a "guitar". He also likes to read books.
Then there is Drew, our sound guy and tour manager man. He makes the band sound good. He is also about 8 feet tall and knows a lot about Formula One racing. Perhaps too much.
Then there is Dan "Maddog" Morgan, a man who makes the lights at our shows go "wwwwwwrrrrrrrr pppppppooooowwwww zing KABLAMO!" so that people clap and come back and see us play next time.
Sweet jeepers! After a planned 6am departure turns into a 8.30 departure, (due to a bakery, a sleep in and a confusing set of pick up instructions, not in that order), we drive drive drive away from home sweet home and into the delicious oblivion. The romantic allure of the road trip eludes me somewhat for the first bunch of hours, as I ponder whether or not I have left a whole bunch of important things back at home. Anyway, BYRON BAY is the first stop on this mighty Magic Fountain tour. The whole darn thing is SOLD OUT! Except Hobart (at time of printing)! Yippee!
Great Northern is the venue. Our openers for the tour are just super. Jinja Safari. The stage is decked out with all manner of drums and fake plastic greenery, and they rock the hearts and souls out of the peoples. Tim and Jean also kick a similar amount of buttock and I begin breathing heavily with that feeling that someone else's show-and-tell object is better than your show-and-tell object, when at the beginning of the class you thought yours was easily the most awesome.
So anyway, the show gets played and we have lots of fun and so does the crowd, hopefully. The rest of the night is spent going back and forth between the pub and the 24 hr bakery. Jim eats 7 chicken pies. Dan Mac wanders the beach with a small man's guitar and talks to a local nutcase about god knows what. Jim and Dan Mac both cleverly avoid packing the trailer in the morning, so I promise to cleverly avoid doing it at some later time.
Next stop is COOLANGATTA. (Yes I will write all places in CAPITAL LETTERS, because I am the one writing and there's nothing you can do about it, kapiche?) I realise that I have been to COOLANGATTA before and regale to the lads how I have been to COOLANGATTA before and that I was just confused earlier. Dan Mac says "huh?" and Jim says "what?" and I realise they're both staring at this really weird looking old lady crossing the street. I buy a drum skin from this dude who owns a music museum opposite the venue. He shows me a photo of The Rolling Stones playing in BRISBANE circa ‘68 or something. Such shabby hair. We go for a swim and realise its freezing. Although strangely warm. We laugh and impersonate the brain telling the blood to retreat to the vital organs. "Quickly! Sacrifice the toes! Warm the balls! Warm the heart! BAH!"
And yes, the COOLANGATTA show goes very well. The damn set is like an hour and 20 minutes long, when we used to only play for 45 minutes or something. Sweet lordy it’s hard work. Oh and by the way, we used to tour around in this really old Tarago, but now the big wigs at Art vs Science management figured a trailer behind a 4WD would be a better idea. But, the trailer is freakin’ 2.6 metres high! That’s correct, the trailer doesn't fit under ANYTHING. Found out the hard way.
After some "breakfasting", we depart for BRISBANE and the mighty Hi-Fi Bar. After sound check and setting up our one thousand lights, we travel in a cab that is driven by Craig Nichols from The Vines' cousin. He's a righteous dude! The gig is the most enjoyable of the tour so far. After the gig I meet this guy who has an Art vs Science tattoo. Then someone else tells me that the members of The Amity Affliction all have their band name tattooed on their chests. Whack! Then I remember that Simon Berkfinger from the Philly Jays has a tattoo on his arm that says "Soul" but it looks like it says "Paul". Ha!
We wander across the road after we pack up our stuff and come across a Latin music fiesta, complete with live band and couples who look like they actually know how to dance. The whole thing looks a deleted scene out of Scarface. A friend of ours starts chatting up the male host and asks him if he's ever heard of Art vs Science. He promptly shakes his head and gestures for us to leave, then weirdly changes his mind almost immediately. The rest of the night involves us dancing in a most inferior manner next to salsa geniuses. Someone in the distance suggests a cab ride back to the hotel.
With Latin rhythms bouncing around my mind we drive the car to Brisbane airport to fly to CAIRNS for the Time Out Festival. Upon arrival in CAIRNS we are greeted by a man with a freakin’ limousine! With trailer attached. Genius. CAIRNS festival organisers sure are nice. After rolling around in the back I feel a little queasy and we stop at the festival.
We meet the men from Gyroscope and are immediately in awe of their humbleness. Such nice fellas. Rob promises to venture with me to the casino after the festival is done to learn how to lose money on blackjack. Lisa Mitchell plays before us and warms the crowd's hearts whilst at the same time the blistering North Queensland afternoon sun shines directly into her face. She does well to survive without 3rd degree burns. We come on and cop about 20 minutes of said sun before it retreats behind a wall of trees. We play our loud music to the throngs of over ages and under ages and feel all nice about it. Very enjoyable.
We wander around the festival like goldfish looking for adventure. I run into to cousins of mine. Gyroscope play. Lead singer spends more time in the crowd than onstage. Awesome! All of a sudden we are standing by a shallow pool whilst the Bag Raiders spin tunes to some very intoxicated peoples. One guy I swear stands in the shallow lagoon fully clothed yet completely soaked, eyes closed, grin plastered across his face and fists pumping in the air for a full 30 minutes. Unbelievable. Should be an Olympic sport.
The rest of the night can be summed up in these three snapshots:
1. Jim and Dan wander the afterparty smiling and high fiving a whole bunch of people.
2. I blabber something incomprehensible to Bliss from Bliss and Eso and he looks at me suspiciously. I bail.
3. Drew, Rob and I end up at the Black Jack table as promised and are promptly kicked out by security after a certain patron threatens us with violence for god knows why. I think I was a few dollars up.
Ah yes. Three days off in CAIRNS. Bliiiiiiiissssssssss.
August 18th (early morning) until August 22nd (early morning)
Cairns R'n'R was a god send. Wake boarding, forest walks, jumping off this 13-metre thing into water at a place called Crystal Cascades. We even saw the aftermath of that planetary alignment thing. Groovy. Thanks go to Lyn and Ricky who put us up for a night in Mission Beach. Swell.
Now. Wednesday.
When I set my alarm for 4am I had the full intention of waking up at that time and making to Cairns airport for our 5.30am flight. And yet when the alarm went off, some part of brain suggested that it couldn’t possibly be 4am already and sent me reeling into a near coma. When we finally awoke the car was packed so fast that you would need one of those 1000 frame a second cameras to work out what we had done. At this stage we thought maybe we could still make the flight. Then Jim completely misread a sign at the airport (one that I had only half read moments earlier) and suggested we drive into an inescapable labyrinth of taxis in a car park. Sweet! After reversing and swearing, then reversing and swearing some more, we unloaded the car and promptly missed the flight by a full 20 minutes.
I tried to sleep at the airport whilst we waited for our brand new 10am flight, but managed to lie next to the P.A. speaker. Just as I drifted off into a deep slumber, a voice yelled out of the speaker so loudly that my ears stood up, packed their bags, and promptly left the sides of my head in protest. Then my eyelids had a disagreement with my eyeballs and refused to close over them. Then I sat up to see Jim and Dan Mac fast asleep like little puppies after a long jog. The nature of my rage was near indescribable.
Anyways! Everything worked out after we drove without food or rest from Brisbane airport to ARMIDALE in order to make the show. The set up and soundcheck seem to me now like an odd dream one has when drifting off to sleep on a bus and overhearing a conversion that works its way into the plotting of your subconscious.
As for the show, people just went bonkers which was delightful. A friend of ours offered to help pack the trailer at the end of the night, which was nice. Yet, we failed to calculate accurately just how entirely shitfaced he was. Our suspicions were aroused when he sliced his hand open on something, then picked up our snare drum case whilst blood pissed out everywhere. I said "Um, are you sure you're alright?" to which he replied "Yeah mate, its not that fucking heavy". Dan Mac, Maddog Morgan and I saw the night out with some swindled alcoholic drinks and a laptop full of music. Finally, there was sleep.
Next up was a 5 hour drive to NEWCASTLE via what is easily the shitest road in the entire Solar System. Winding around and around and up and down. I now know how bugs feel when they wander innocently into washing machines. But hey, I'm complaining a lot here aren't I? I should be focusing on the positives. Like the fact that Dan Mac had bought a Motley Crue and Van Halen CD which we played and sang aloud. Tidy.
So Newcastle was definitely the best show of the tour so far. We felt that we played the best that night. The crowd went more bananas than bananas in pyjamas. Drew look terrified after the show. Apparently the entire floor of the venue had been bouncing up and down like a trampoline. Sweeeeeet! Almost a repeat of the broken gymnasium floor incident in Ballarat a year or so ago. Jim and Dan Mac spent the night partying with local college kids on campus somewhere, drinking responsibly and telling sophisticated anecdotes. Drew, Maddog and I went to the hotel and couldn't sleep. I drank 4 UHT 30ml milks out of the fridge and was out like a light.
Then came Friday night: WOLLONGONG! I had my first experience of backing a trailer, which is something that requires so much counterintuitive wheel-turning that I felt like the back of my brain had leapfrogged over the middle and landed in the front, whilst the front had quickly limbo’d its way to the back, then done a little twisty. Remarkable.
Our number one fans Brendan and Jacob (the mime and the penguin respectively) rocked up and gave us a case of beer. How well they must know us! The show went swimmingly. Jinja Safari had some technical schmechnical problems but STILL managed to whoop buttock. Tim and Jean were their usual simmering selves. Jean is only 16 years old. WTF? We enjoyed our set again. During Dan Mac's guitar solo where he wanders around like a loon, I could help but think about how much I needed to go to the bathroom, and if I left during the part where Dan stood on the speaker stacks, would they even notice? It seemed I would have to wait.
After a heated discussion with the man at the hotel over the phone, Drew decided it would be cool if we could drive straight back to SYDNEY. Sweet. During his in-car DJ show, Maddog played a little too much trip hop and atmos trance stuff for my liking. But it was still fun, nonetheless. Dan Mac entertained us by reading out passages from a novel entitled Songbird. He found the book in an old lady's garage whilst helping her clean it out. It was one of those soft-core porn novels. This one involved the story of a young girl named "Songbird" and her sexual awakening. It was written by a 50-something year old man too. Nice. Can’t remember any exact passages but I can tell you that the words "member", "bliss" and "engorged" were used far too liberally in my opinion. He also read passages from Ian Fleming's For Your Eyes Only, which was definitely a better thing to read aloud in a car full of five dudes.
Then came Saturday. Lovely Saturday. Time to play the new fan dangled show to the home crowd. And what better place to do it than at a sold out Metro. Definitely our favourite venue in Sydney, if not Australia. We had seen so much rock and roll royalty here: The Hives, Presidents of the USA, Mars Volta, The Living End, The Grates, our friend Berkfinger's Sydney Funk and Soul Festival, the list goes on.
That gig will definitely be fondly remembered by us. It will be that notch in the belt that I tell grandkids about one day. So much good energy from the crowd. Up there in the top three for me. We partied on with our new friends from Jinja and Tim and Jean, and our old friends too. All was well in the universe for a shining moment. And the packing up wasn’t that bad.
Jesus we're only half way! Stay tuned for more tales. Tasmania, WA, Victoria, South Australia and New Zealand to come. Love you all!
Dan W
(Art vs Science at Sydney Metro pics: Nikki To)
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ART VS SCIENCE - MAGIC FOUNTAIN TOUR 2010 (REMAINING DATES)
Aug 25 - The Saloon Bar Launceston, TAS
Aug 26 - Hobart Uni, Hobart Hobart, TAS
Aug 27 - The Hi-Fi (SOLD OUT) Melbourne, VIC
Aug 28 - The Hi-Fi (SOLD OUT) Melbourne, VIC
Sep 3 - Governor Hindmarsh (SOLD OUT) Adelaide, SA
Sep 4 - Capitol (SOLD OUT) Perth, WA