“Water. Where’s my water? ..…here it is. What time is it? My god, what happened last night?”
Anyone familiar with this scenario knows what comes next. Well yeah, greasy food, but after that, it’s time to go to the one thing that will always be there for you, no matter what: THE COUCH.
This amazing invention has allowed me to sculpt my athletic physique through years of gruelling console gaming. If you’re anything like me, you almost enjoy the hangover as much as the night before, due mainly to one thing: it gives you an excuse to do absolute fuck all ... and play video games.
Acknowledging personal preference for first-person shooters, I have attempted to be objective in my TOP FIVE GAMES TO PLAY WHEN YOU’RE HUNGOVER. Here they are in no particular order:
1. Call of Duty (all platforms)
Depending on how bad your hangover is, this is undoubtedly the best first person shooter released to date. This spectacular ensemble of pixels and sound allows the player to submerge themselves into a battle against "international separatists" (with authentic terrorist accents). It boasts stunning graphics and sound, intense multiplayer maps and photo-realism not seen in gaming. It is also unbelievably brutal and loud. WARNING: only for light hangovers.
2. Burnout 3: Takedown (PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360)
If the explosions and screaming in Call of Duty are too much to handle, then this is the ticket: car racing in the midst of rush-hour traffic. It's another spectacular looking game with an amazing soundtrack and great two-player fun! Generally regarded as the best in the series. My personal favourite is the "road rage" scenario - where the aim is to take out everyone else and leave your car sufficiently driveable. WARNING: makes the KFC drive-thru potentially lethal.
3. FIFA World Cup - Germany 2006 (all platforms)
Don’t get all "Pro-Evo" on me; this is the best soccer game hands down. 127 national teams, easy scroll menus, cool soundtrack and the first time Australia qualifies for a World Cup in 30-odd years. Averaging a games review score of about eight (8) across most platforms, you will need a mate and I would suggest cracking open a six-pack. Look like we’re BACK ON! Just wait until that crowd starts to sing …
4. Halo 3 (Xbox 360 – multiplayer)
Although to do this properly (with a linked system and more than one television) may be the complete opposite of what you feel like doing, this is well worth the effort. This game is stunning and provides some of the best fun you’ll have shooting your mate from the back of a jeep while he scrambles up a hill for cover. Fighting over who drives and who shoots can result in some amazing dummy spits. The highest selling Xbox 360 game for a reason.
5. Mario Kart (SNES, N64 and Nintendo Wii)
The old favourite. We’ve all played it and laughed our heads off as we’ve fired a tortoise shell up a mate’s arse whilst getting sideways around a corner. Newly release on Wii, Nintendo breathed new life into the Mario franchise and once again hit the nail on the head. Easy enough for the most retarded gamer to get their head around. Fun graphics and hilarious sound effects.
So you know what you need to do. Dim those lights, make a cup of tea and get those take away menus ready: it’s time for some serious hangover gaming.
- By Conor Farrell