profile of Chuck Kolyvas

Vaguely Rude Place Names of the World

Vaguely Rude Place Names of the World

When I was a schoolboy, my friends and I would trawl the Macquarie World Atlas* looking for the rudest place names we could find. The team favourite was Fucking (Austria). Oh, the trace amounts of humour we squeezed out of that nugget, “where’s the Fucking police station?” [Riotous laughter] It was a blissful time when showing “58008” upside down on a calculator to your mate was enough to get you both sent out of maths class and your best friend’s dad’s porn collection was still paper-based.

Today such fun is only a click away for kids (I’m mostly referring to online maps, but porn is just as accessible). My inner schoolboy air-guitared when I came across this in TheAge:

Vaguely Rude Place Names of the World

Fucking is there—it’s obviously the first place I looked up. I nodded slowly and nose laughed as my 12-year-old-self high fived me.

Closer to home I was impressed to find my local favourite Tittybong (VIC) is accounted for. And fuck me half way between Melbourne and Albury-Woodonga if there isn't a Mt. Buggery. NSW is endowed with a Chinaman’s Knob and South Australia has an Iron Knob, apparently. Hands up who hasn’t been to the Intercourse Islands (WA) before? If not, you're still on the Virgin Islands, no? [Nose laugh] Also, there's Shit in Iran, Algeria has a pair of Tits and Philippines; two Anuses. Arizona, Reunion and Russia take the cake with Wet Beaver Creek, Tampon and Vagina, respectively. Surely they were taking the Pis (France)?

I want to be sodden with the waters of the Wanks River (Nicaragua) and I want to go to Climax via Cumming (Georgia) after spending time in and out of Bum (Missouri).

SORRY—I’m not naturally a dirty person; it’s just that my 12-year-old-self stood no chance in this very dirty world.


*Kids, an atlas is a book of maps. 

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