Well, well, well, it's Monday again. My, how time flies. It seems like just yesterday when I was sitting in my bedroom eating an upsized 2 piece feed with a side order of coleslaw and potato & gravy while playing pong on my Atari 2600. Oh wait, it was.  



Thanks Bill. Now I don't feel bad about using a pirated version of Windows 7.

Dear Feds: It's not really pirated. It's totally legit.

So I watched an interview the other day with the oldest man in the world and as he incoherently babbled on about the olden days & how they had no electricity, I realised something very profound - the olden days would have sucked the ultimate shit. I'm talking about the PROPER olden days, like before Bill Gates was born, or even back when Stephen Hawking could walk.

WOH. I just thought of something. What if Stephen Hawking is actually just really lazy and as techno1ogy has improved with time, he's just said to himself, "Pfft, legs are for jerks. I'm taking the chair." 

Here's a graph (using actual mathematics) to illustrate how right I am:



Enough about laziness, for this weeks WWoT is dedicated to the gadgets of our forefathers.  Not so much as to honour their pathfinding ways, moreso just to be thankful that we don't live in those God awful eras - you know, before Windows 95 came out.

Wonder Sauna Hot Pants
Back in 1975 when Kylie Minogue was only in her late 30's, there was a different type of hot pants on the market. Wonder Sauna Hot Pants to be more exact. Put these puppies on and in no time your hips will be as thin as my patience for Steve Jobs.


Since the mid 1980's, television has been awesome, mainly thanks to Bill Cosby. But before Bill Cosby, all people had to watch on telly was Batman re-runs and ads for dog food. Which is why it didn't really matter that your screen is only 1 inch. Thank Gates for Bill Cosby. 


Prosthetic Arm
If these are from the past then it's all the evidence I need to believe that The Terminator WAS a documentary.


Sound Burger
Yeah, you could say I like sounds (Gary Numan, Starship, Steely Dan, Windows 95 Shutdown Theme) and I definitely like burgers (KFC's Tower Burger 4 life), so this portable turntable pretty much had me from the get go. It's just like a walkman - presuming that the only walk you are going on is to the fridge and back, cos the Sound Burger would be a pain in the arse to carry around in your back pocket, hey?


Ultrasonic Human Washing Machine
Cleaning oneself is a chore and it is something that I only do once a fortnight. However, this Human Washing Machine from 1970 not only makes it a breeze, but perfectly compliments those days when ONLY Herb Alpert's soft & suave trumpet will do.


Wow.  Could you possibly imagine how many 30-can blocks of Pepsi Max I could get into that boot??  The Dodge Doera was a concept car built in 1965 and was renowned for being awesome at surviving head on crashes with semi-trucks. NO IT WASN'T SILLY, LOOK AT IT!! YOU WOULD BE CRUSHED IF A BLOWFLY HIT IT HEAD ON!! I mean, you get in at the front for goodness sakes! It's practically made for death! That said, ONE PLZ WAITER!!


Well, if that's the best of it, I for one am glad that I live in 2010. But if I ever get around to finishing off my time machine that I've built out of an old 386 Processor and one of my mum's old electric wheelchairs, I suppose I might travel back to 1979 for this little gem:



Check back next week for more from the Wonderful World of TechKNOWLEDGEy for your chance to win your very own burp!  Also, if you feel the need to know what I had for lunch, what words I've invented, any jokes that I've come up with or any other mundane interesting facts, then please do the clicking and follow me on Twitter!



OTHER LECTURES FROM MR TECHNO1OGY:
I Got 99 Problems But A Couch Ain't One
Don't Sweat The TechKNOWLEDGEy
Hollywood has a lot to answer for
He Hardly Works Hard For The Money
The Wonderful World of SPORT!
Gadgetz Paradise
Gravity - Arch Nemesis of Nerd