Kevin Bacon looked at himself in the mirror. Actually, it was more of an intense study rather than a simple look. "Yes", said Kevin Bacon, "I now see what everyone in the world has been telling me - I do have a face you want to punch."

He slumped into his custom built throne. He felt unloved & an overwhelming feeling of dejection. He looked over at his Baconphone (the phone his manager uses to inform him of new movie offers and the same one his mother rings him on to congratulate him on his accomplishments) - that piece of shit hadn't rung in two & a half years. He picked up a brick from his "Things to Throw" pile and sailed it with gusto at the Baconphone. It missed.

"Fuck. This. Shit", grumbled Kevin Bacon. The words echoed around his cave, which pissed him off even more.

Meanwhile, across the other side of the country, the King of Queens himself, Kevin James, was also feeling dejected. He was looking at a photo of Kevin Bacon and as a single tear rolled down his cheek, he mumbled to himself, "Why can't I be called Bacon??"

As he sat in his hamburger shaped bed, he thought of all the jokes he could use. Well, he could only think of one, but still, it made him smile, much like the time he ordered his first pizza, when he was only 4 years old. He sat there fantasizing about walking into a cafe where Leah Rimini, AKA the Queen of Queens, was working behind a sandwich counter.

"Hey sexy, whaaadya havin?", snorted Leah Rimini.

"Well you know me", he smugly chuffed, "Bacon by name, Bacon by sandwich!"

Leah Rimini laughed so hard that her top fell right off and landed in the pickles, rendering it unwearable! This made Kevin Bacon-nee-James very happy indeed, so much so that he jumped straight on the internet and started reading this blog to find out more about food gadgets.

"Hey!", thought Kevin Bacon-nee-James aloud, "How on earth do these words exist if I just thought of it then??", but alas, no-one was in the room to answer his question, so he shut up, ordered another pizza and read the stupid blog.


Bacon Tuxedo
Before Lady Gaga's meat dress, there was the Bacon Tuxedo. Perfect for those times when you have to go to a Black Tie barbecue at your bosses house and you really want to make an impression. This will definitely give you the edge over that annoying Darren with his amazing sales figures.


Toast Printer
This Toast Printer, designed by industrial designer Othmar Muhlebach "prints" your toast much like a bubblejet printer. But you know, without the paper-jams, ink cartridge issues, alignment problems & broken hands from punching said bubblejet.


Buddha Shaped Pears
Growing pears within these Buddha shaped plastic moulds makes for some friggen kickarse results. But with this application, does that mean that we now refer to portly people as "Buddha Shaped" instead of "Pear Shaped"? Cos I don't think that would go down so well...


Portable Pizza Oven
Don't you hate it when you're running late for a very important meeting but you haven't had your morning pizza?? I DO VERY MUCH. But ever since I bought this Portable Pizza Oven, not only do I arrive on time for work, but I also have started a very successful pizza delivery company on the side.


Cheeseburger in a Can
Some things were never meant to be stored in cans. These things include babies, puppies, kittens and, what was that other one? Oh yeah, CHEESEBURGERS. The idea of boiling a burger IN A BUN until it's cooked really makes my brain sit back and go, "SQUARE PEG, ROUND HOLE". Nope, I prefer mine the way Ronald McDonald intended, microwaved by a snarly 15 year old. Check the image gallery for more pics of it being "cooked".


Wow, I am as full as an egg after that up-sized food McSpecial. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and have a lie down...



Oh yeah, he tried to commit suicide, fucked that up, acquired a drug addiction, went to rehab, cleaned himself up, opened up a homeless animal shelter, won an oscar and is now following me on Twitter. Ha, who would have thought?



OTHER LECTURES AVAILABLE BY MR TECHNO1OGY:
 Diary of a P-I-M-P
What's the time, Mr Tech?
All the other 2010 Lectures (Super Special)