Photo: BeauGiles via Flickr

Friday 25th March, 2011

3:30AM
I woke up quite early, but not as early as I'd hoped. This was in part because I had fallen asleep on the couch and because I thought I had my alarm set for 1AM when iPad 2 orders were opening on the Apple website. I looked at the store and decided I couldn't wait the quoted 2-3 weeks delivery, fearful that this would balloon out to a month or more because of the Japanese radiation crisis (#FirstWorldProblems). Instead, I sat there for an hour or so scouring forums and local news sites for information on iPad 2 queues around Melbourne, Googling history on iPad 1 queues 12 months earlier and slavishly refreshing my Twitter stream for the progress of young tech whiz @BeauGiles who was 15th in the Sydney Apple Store queue along George St.

8:30AM
Fast forward 5 hours with no sleep—I did a photo shoot for a café near my work. This might shock you all, but I was behind the camera, not in front. It's a strange world.

11:30AM
I approached an Apple retailer nearby for their take on the day's proceedings and how much stock they might expect to get. I was met with a very plain-faced sales dude who flatly said, "I cannot confirm what is happening today. But we will be closing the store at 4pm, then reopening at 5pm. That's all I know." DON'T GIVE ME LINES DUDE! I pressed him again for a bit more detail but he simply repeated his line.

12:30AM
An hour later I met up with a friend from out of town for lunch. We both ordered some very average sushi. He's a circus performer, so I momentarily forgot my mission as he regaled me with tales of wonder and alcohol.

2:00PM
We finished off with a coffee. I thought it would be nice if he tried a decent brew since he used to be a Barista in Sydney. But it was more a matter of city-pride.

2:30PM
We said our goodbyes and I headed off to find an iPad queue. Passing by Myer Melbourne, I decided I needed to use the gents. However, instead of going to the toilet, I went right to the top floor where I found myself sitting on the drab carpet of the Apple store—queued behind 37 others (I still needed to pee). I don't do queues; the last time I queued like this was 8 years ago, in the rain, outside a Fitzroy pub on gay night.

3:30PM
Twelve hours of wankiness so far. A post-sushi carb lull was telling my body that I needed to sleep. It was also pushing on my bladder—I needed to pee. I decided I needed to make friends with the people around me so I could be sure I could leave my spot. In front of me was a young mother with her adorable 4 year old daughter. Behind me was a young dude named David, here on a working holiday. He was well into gadgets—we got on well.

4:00PM
I got carried away chatting to them, but I was pretty sure now that I could leave my spot. It was my first time doing this so I wasn't too sure of the etiquette. As it happens, I didn't need to worry—everyone was doing it. Folks were getting up for coffee and doughnuts. A full chorus of Mozart's Requiem erupted as I relieved myself. Back in the queue I started counting the stacked cardboard iPad shipping boxes. 50 boxes... maybe 4 to a box—200 iPads! I was quite sure now that I would get one. By this time the queue snaked the perimeter of the whole floor and maybe down the escalator. I'm guessing there were about 300 people. Someone was going to miss out.

4:40PM
Apple/Myer staff were zipping back and forth, amongst them I could hear American accents. Some dude hopped on the PA to brief the crowd. "One iPad per customer only!" Immediately people started making calls.

4:55PM
Everyone was standing. Some American dude gets on the PA. He's an Apple employee, "I'm from California!" He tried to drum up excitement and failed dismally, "gimme an A, gimme a P!..." I don't care if he was joking or not, it made me cringe like I'd never cringed before. The queue just wanted their shit. Some losers thought they could hang around hoping to queue jump. We were all ready to break their femurs if they tried.

5:00PM
The queue compressed with anticipation. 'American Dad' was still yelling shit at the PA, everyone heard him but no one was listening.

5:10PM
David and I were laughing at people at the end of the queue, they weren't getting iPads today, not for waltzing in at 5pm. BFFL we exchanged MSN addresses.

5:20PM
I promised myself I'd never queue again. It was the same promise I made outside that gay bar, in the rain. Tickets were being issued to queuers according to the iPad they wanted. An announcement on the PA: 16Gb WiFi only sold out in black and white. Groans from the queue.

5:25PM
I finally got my ticket—64Gb WiFi only in black (David convinced me I didn't need 3G). The store had this bizarre system where you hand in your ticket and that person runs across the floor to the store room and gets your iPad—too much paranoia. I've handed out Xmas presents to a family of rabid Maori kids, I could have done a way better job.

5:35PM
David and I are picking our accessories. I wanted the [RED] Smart Cover, David wanted the navy. We both ended up getting black as it was the only real option (grey and beige tan aren't going to wear well). The Myer dude tried (really hard) to up-sell me to the Myer extended warranty by trying to explain what dead-pixels were. David did his best Amy Winehouse impression "no, no, no". I asked the dude what his commission was... that put him off his spiel and he totted up the bill. Motherfucker, I could have bought a MacBook Air for that!

5:45PM
I said goodbye to David. As I was leaving the checkout I bumped into an old friend, Steve, whom I hadn't seen since around that time I was queueing outside the gay bar. He kept me chatting for a good fifteen minutes—we had a lot to catch up on I admit. Meanwhile the iPad was burning a hole in my flimsy Myer bag. "Shall we walk and talk, Steve?"

My trip home on the tram was terrible. I felt like a baked stoner dude in a police station. People were whispering around me, scheming. They all wanted what I had in the bag. I hugged it tight... "I QUEUED FOR THIS, I TOOK A DAY OFF WORK FOR THIS! MINE FUCKERS, MINE!"

iPad 2 has reportedly sold out across Australia.

Sent from my iPad