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US and mice team up for world's most adorable-slash-disgusting military assault - 10 Things

In the best US military news in ages, specially trained mice are set to be deployed to destroy the invasive brown tree snake population of Guam, and by "specially trained" we mean "poisoned". Yes, the Australian snake has taken over the US protectorate after stowing aboard US military vehicles 60 years back and attempts to curtail the exploding population have failed - but now, in a plot that will be the rodent equivalent of Argo, the US are planning to air-drop mice stuffed with (and we are not kidding here) Tylenol, the over-the-counter painkiller which is conveniently toxic to snakes, over the island in the northern springtime - a move which has predictably got People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals up in arms, even though environmentalists are arguing that the snakes have been decimating local bird populations and need to be stopped. Now, it's worth adding that the dosed-up mice will be dead - they're not getting tiny parachutes or anything - but if you're not already imagining a heartwarming animated feature based on this story (working title: Saving Private Nibbles) then you've harder hearts than us. That, or you're imagining being bombarded by dead mice while running through a jungle full of snakes. Either way: that's one hell of a film.

Kanye West's descent into madness continues apace in his current UK tour. Not only has he biologically guaranteed that Kardashian genes will get at least one more generation in which to do their infernal work, his performance at the Hammersmith Apollo on Sunday night included a yeti mask and an encore of 'Touch the Sky' with a new freestyle section that went "ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRRGHHGHHHH! ARRRRGRGHHHHHH!" followed by whipping his mic off stage. It was a worthy successor to his show at the same venue the night before, which included a rant about Justin Timberlake's 'Suit & Tie' and an exhortation for the Grammys to "suck my dick". Sanity, thy name is West. 
Dear reader, are you a young mother? In Sydney? Got boobs? Fancy a coffee? Then you might want to pop into the Satellite Cafe in Newtown today to feed your child in protest at the cafe's management informing one Regan Matthews that breastfeeding her baby was "an offence to humanity" on Saturday. The owners have since publicly apologised online (and implied that they were acting only because other unidentified patrons were terrified), but hey - seems like a nice morning for an inner-west caffeine hit.

Remember yesterday when we mentioned that Britain's top cardinal Keith O'Brien was under investigation for making pervy advances on young priests? Well, he's now stepped down, meaning that Britain doesn't get to vote in the upcoming Vatican's Got Talent. However, he's issued a statement assuring the world that he'll be with the papal conclave in (sexy) spirit: "I will pray with them and for them that, enlightened by the Holy Spirit, they will make the correct choice for the future good of the church," because obviously that's been at the forefront of his mind from day one. 

And while we're in a following-up sort of a mood, latest exit polls from Italy show Silvio Berlusconi's coalition - described as "centre-right" and predicated on giving people free money in the form of immediate tax returns that Italy doesn't have and can't afford - a smidge ahead of Pier Luigi Bersani's centre-left alliance based on being grown ups who understand the notion of consequences. Predictably, though, different media outlets are reporting different results based on their own politics and those of the magnates which own them - which, fortunately, isn't something that ever happens in Australian media.

People seem generally pleased with the Oscar results - nice spread of films, couple of surprises, Seth McFarlane wasn't as egregiously awful a host as one would naturally assume (oh, sorry, yeah, he pretty much was) - but you know what the Oscars hate? Paper planes. Sure, they might let them win Best Animated Short, but if you actually start throwing them in celebration, as did Kristina Read when Disney's beautiful 'Paperman' deservedly took the honours, you're going to get kicked out. The film's producer threw three paper planes with an X thereon, as per the film, from the mezzanine before security realised she was a threat to freedom and all the Oscars hold dear. And then she was let back in ten minutes later when everyone involved realised they were adults giving tiny golden men to each other for playing pretendies. 
Be warned, chubby Elvis looking dudes: if you arrest MC Hammer for obstruction of justice, he will call you out on Twitter. Despite being a man which, allegedly, U Can't Touch he was pulled over for driving a car with expired registration outside of San Francisco, leading the above-described officer to ask (according to said Twitter) "are you on parole or probation?", to which Hammer took umbrage. That said, he also didn't explain who the car's owner was or why he was driving it, which is why the man born Stanley Burrell gets to go to court in March.

In news that should have British right wingers reconsidering their whole anti-Euro agenda, the pound has dropped to a two-year low in the wake of the UK's credit downgrade (from AAA to AA1) and the forecasts for economically-shite times ahead. It's currently sitting at $AU1.47 and economists are predicting even lower values ahead - so if you've been eying off any UK-exclusive box sets recently, now's the time to strike.
 
Spellcheck: you might think that it's going to help your angry Trip Adviser review of a hotel that was hosting a furry convention, but you're just going to end up describing "lude and lascivious behaviour". Tony A was not happy - not happy at ALL - that he and his family had to share the glamourous confines of the Crowne Plaza North Dallas-Addison with the annual Furry Fiesta, a gathering of harmless weirdos in animal costumes, and railed against the "unacceptable adults" that his children were forced to perceive. The review's since been reviewed, but Gawker don't miss this stuff. God help your offspring if you ever visit Disneyworld. Tones.  

And finally, if Paperman didn't already slow you down, why not guarantee that you'll miss your bus this morning by watching Jimmy Kimmel's celebration of the Oscars: Movie: The Movie 2V, starring Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler, Samuel L. Jackson, Bryan Cranston, Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, Salma Hayek, John Krasinski, Amanda Seyfried, Matt Damon, Oprah Winfrey and other people who really don't need to do this sort of thing? 
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1 comments so far..

  • Beavdog's avatar
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    Beavdog
    Date and time
    Tuesday 26 Feb 2013 - 9:58 AM
    Definitely a GOAT edition today. That 'Furry Fiesta' piece was gold
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