Ah, the art of the campaign ad. 30-odd seconds in which to bewitch and beguile and convince a previously apathetic/uneducated person that the proper way for them to exercise their democratic right is by voting for YOU... By which I mean the candidate. Not you personally. You're probably not even on the ballot. Why you'd create a campaign ad when you're not even on the ballot is just beyond me. A total waste of time and money, really. Like that time Michael Bay created Transformers.
Yeah. That movie definitely needed more elections.
But obviously when you get a room full of besuited people together and tell them to create something to appeal to the common man, the results can come back a little... varied. Especially when your budget barely stretches to covering the costs of catching a bus to the shooting location and you've been told by your party "Nah, it's ok, you just write it yourself". So, without further ado, here are ten of the worst examples of political campaign advertisements from around the world. By which I mean America i.e. the world.
10. Harri Anne Smith (Republican, Alabama): It's not exactly clear why those "billionaire Middle Eastern sheiks" need to show the US some gratitude, but one thing's for sure: things will be better when Harri Anne kicks them into line.
9. John Edwards (2008 Democratic Presidential candidate): John Edwards' fall from grace was both meteoric (in a Deep Impact kinda way) and profound (in a Deep Impact kinda way). While the scandal that finally took him out was the revelation that he'd carried on an affair AND fathered a child with an aide while his wife was undergoing treatment for metastatic breast cancer (
NAGL), he had previously weathered some flak over revelations that he had used campaign contributions to pay for $500 haircuts. This was his response:
8. Big, Bad John (2008 Republican, Texas): After watching this ad, you too will have the chorus "Big John, Big John, Big, Bad John" stuck in your head for days. I'm also impressed that the final piece of information that they leave you with is the fact the Big John "enjoys a good brew". Oh good, exactly what the Senate needs: an inveterate drinker.
7. Mike Huckabee's HuckChuck Facts (2008 Republican Presidential candidate): If there is anything more cringeworthy than watching a hardcore, middle-aged Christian from America's south trying to piggyback his way onto a four year-old Internet meme, then man I don't want to know about it. Also, HuckChuck sounds a lot like upchuck. Which means vomit. I may have over-explained that.
6. Brant Webb (2010 ALP, Tasmania): A brief respite from the American circuit to take in this homegrown effort from Brant Webb, former Beaconsfield mine survivor turned ALP candidate. It's basically a what's-what of everything that can go wrong when people without huge amounts of media savvy are allowed to produce their own ads. Quite sublimely bad.
5. Mike Gravel (2008 Democratic Presidential candidate): Actually, I'll
be honest, I think this ad is sheer genius. As one YouTube commenter put
it: "I'm a Dadaist, and I approve of this candidate". 2:51 of your time well spent.
4. The Daisy Girl: Now, there's fear-mongering, and then there's OH MY SHITTING GOD THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END, QUICK, HIDE THE CHILDREN, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEE!... This ad is very much the latter and almost single-handedly won the election for President Johnson back in 1964. It's hard to argue against Armageddon.
3. The Ox vs. King Roy the Rat: While watching this, I want you to keep in mind that this is an ad for the Georgia 2010 gubernatorial (best word ever? Best word ever) race. Now ask yourself these questions: what the fuck is going on? Who in God's name is the rat? And who is the ox? And what on Earth was this animated in? MS Paint? I just don't understand how people who have just spent so much money on buying four minutes of airtime are comfortable putting out something of this calibre. Also informative around the 3:20 mark when it shows that the ox is in fact stronger than a snake, an otter and a cocker spaniel. PUT TOGETHER.
2. Diane Benson (2008 Democrat, Alaska): If the election of Sarah Palin suggested that perhaps things worked a little differently up in Alaska, this campaign ad surely must confirm it. But it does make one wonder: surely there has to be a better use of 30 seconds than to depict the candidate frolicking with dogs and then picking up their shit.
1. Carly Fiorina (2010 Republican, California): Oh, wow. This is so, so, so bad it almost defies description. Like, I do not really feel that my mind is lateral enough to truly envisage the creative meeting where they plotted this ad out. Most of the ad appears to be some sort of misguided attack on farm animals, but then when the Demonic Sheep arrives three minutes in, well, that's when you really know you're on to something special.
Honourable Mention - McCainSpace: Increasingly embarrassed by Obama's absolute dominance in the online sphere, McCain struck back with McCainSpace, a service whereby McCain supporters/nutjobs from all across America could upload videos where they explained why they were voting for McCain. This was the video John McCain - a man who admitted that he didn't know how to email - used to launch the service. And doesn't he just look like a man in touch with the youth of today? That or a man who is legitimately terrified that he'll never be able to escape the small box in which he's been trapped.