This week's top 5 most depressing headlines

Look, scouring the Internet’s darkest (and brightest, if we’re being real) news recesses, generally speaking, never culminates in much good. There’s usually some terrible a sex tape (I recently learnt Hulk Hogan has one – what in all hell), shameless celebrity endorsement deal or arbitrary all round embarrassing scandal brought to the eyes of the unsuspecting public via their media outlet of choice.

But this week, I feel anyway, the 24-hour news cycle has even managed to out-do itself. The web has been packed with headlines so sick, so shocking and so salacious that my faith in the media’s honesty has, to some extent, actually been reaffirmed – you’d have to have a pretty ill disposition/ extremely over-active imagination/ an impressive creative writing portfolio to have conjured the stories below, and so, for the first time, TheVine brings you a horrible news wrap. Welcome, friends, prepare to be shocked and appalled and for any remnant of human faith you may have built up at this stage to swiftly crumble.

An ‘ex-gay’ Christian sex cult leader allegedly arranged wife’s murder after repeatedly ‘ritually raping’ her and made it all look like a suicide

Jezebel, via the Kansas City Star, reported on the death of Bethany Deaton; the 27-year-old wife of “charismatic evangelical Christian prayer group leader Tyler Deaton”. On October 30, Bethany’s body was found in the back of a van near her home in Missouri and the death scene was set up like a suicide – there was a bag over her head, an empty pill bottle and a suicide note which read “My name is Bethany Deaton. I chose this evil thing. I did it because I wouldn’t be a real person and what is the point of living if it is too late for that? I wish I had chosen differently a long time ago. I knew it all and refused to listen. Maybe Jesus will save me” surrounding her. Three days after her funeral on November 6, attended by members of her and her husband’s International House of Prayer faction, fellow IHOPer, 23-year-old Micah Moore came forward to the police and confessed that Bethany hadn’t committed suicide – in actual fact he had killed her under her husband’s orders. Moore said that Bethany had been the repeated victim of ‘ritual’ rapes by male members of the group and her husband was scared she would soon reveal the extent of her abuse to her psychologist. Apparently, Bethany also knew too much about the group’s homosexual romps – husband Tyler, as a side, note was an ‘ex-homosexual’ who had managed to “pray the gay away”. Awful doesn’t even begin to describe.

The Cannibal Cop maintains his innocence, plead not guilty to plotting to kill and eat women (it was all just a fantasy you guys!)

Gilberto Valle, a member of the New York police force, was turned into the authorities in October by his now estranged wife after she found disturbing documents on his computer that detailed his plans to “abduct and cook” women and the “materials [he] needed” to do so. The 28-year-old ‘Cannibal Cop’ stole photos, names and addresses of people from a classified NYPD law enforcement database, and took part in online exchanges that specified his plans to kidnap and torture at least 100 victims: “I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus... cook her over low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.” Valle also ruminated on how “tasty” one woman would be, swiftly adding “her days are numbered”. According to the AP, Valle also “talked about the mechanics of fitting the woman's body into an oven (her legs would have to be bent).” On Monday, Gilberto appeared in court, and pleaded not guilty—his lawyer maintained that all his plans were just a fantasy, he had not actually harmed anyone, and that he posed no threat to society.

Anti-Gay Christian lawyer arrested on child pornography charges, intent to engage in criminal sexual activity and five counts of child sexual exploitation

You can meet Lisa Biron here.

A man raped a mentally disabled woman on a bus in LA during rush hour

Kerry Trotter, a 20-year-old member of the Los Angeles community has been arrested for raping a mentally disabled woman – who had the “capacity of a 10 year old” – at the back of a bus after she stepped on. At the time of the assault, there were other passengers on board and the circumstances of the scenario are being investigated – for example, the bus driver’s response and the witnesses’ privy to the absurd act of sexual violence.

Security cameras capture violent attack on British teenage girl

A 16-year-old girl from London, who understandably wishes to remain anonymous, was knocked unconscious after a yet-to-be-identified man followed her from her home and struck her in the back of her head, leaving her prone on the side of the street with cuts and bruises. The teenager remembers nothing of the attack – luckily there is a slew of footage immortalizing it forever – and sustained minor injuries after the unprovoked assault. She woke up in an ambulance and “had a migraine, my chin was grazed and sore, my teeth were hurting because they were chipped and I couldn’t talk. I hope he does get caught so he doesn’t do it again to another person. I hope I am his last victim.” Us too. 

Lead image via Shuttertsock. The man is overwhelmed by the bad news. We are overwhelmed, too. 

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