The Catholic Church is doing well

OK, so that image came from a list entitled "12 Evilest Pope Pictures", so perhaps it isn't an entirely fair way to kick off this post, but still, there really isn't any getting around the fact that Pope Ratzinger does generally look a tiny bit creepy. Which is a bit like observing the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker does generally look a tiny bit like a horse.

So, I think we can probably all agree that this has not been the best start to the year for the good ol' Catholic Church. From decades of covered up physical, emotional and sexual abuse in Ireland, to decades of covered up physical, emotional and sexual abuse in Germany, to decades of covered up physical, emotional and sexual abuse in Italy, to decades of covered up physical, emotional and sexual abuse of perhaps 200 DEAF BOYS in Wisconsin (capitalised because of the scale of the atrocity, not because I think deaf people can't hear me), fresh, new sex scandals have been bursting out of the Catholic closet like presents on the 12 days of Christmas.

But of course, the fact that some of the most severe allegations (200 DEAF BOYS?!) were channelled through and seemingly overlooked by Pope Ratzinger while he was head of the euphemistically monikered Congregation of the Doctrine for the Faith (it's where allegations of priestly sexual abuse go to die) has imbued the sequence of scandals with an extra resonance. And now things have really hit a point with professional agitprop atheists Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens threatening to have the Pope arrested when he arrives in the UK. Which, just for the record, won't actually happen, but hey, it's a hell of an image.



BUDDY COP MOOOOOOVIE!

But the Vatican, not being an organisation to assume the inherent rightness of its seemingly above the law status, has this week published a handy guide to its policies on predatory priests. So that the laity can be reassured that the Church is in fact serious about curtailing the systemic rape of children entrusted to its care. Phew.

As a response to the sort of sexual abuse clusterfuck that the Catholic Church is currently embroiled in, it's a little better than putting out a press release claiming that priests couldn't be committing these crimes as they don't actually have genitalia, but it's still not exactly the sort of ground-breaking policy reformation that a situation of this gravity perhaps demands. Also, they really have to stop using the word "defrocking". As many people have pointed out, that sounds like the kind of thing that got them into this trouble in the first place. But beyond that, this new policy doesn't really appear to change all that much, and more worryingly keeps on with the Church's somewhat strange emphasis upon the role of the bishop in monitoring and dealing with allegations of sexual abuse in his diocese. As in, why the bishop and not the police?

To my mind, the problem with all of this is that the Catholic Church is assuming that in this day and age it still holds a distinct place above and beyond the authority of the State. Which, I'd say, it really doesn't. Fifty years ago perhaps. And perhaps it still has that sort of authority in the developing nations that the Catholic Church so ruthlessly evangelises these days. But not in places like Germany, and the US, and Australia. These are increasingly secular nations (that's education for you), and you'd be hard-pressed to find many people who legitimately believe that the Church is the best entity to deal with cases that involve priests raping children. Magnum P.I. it ain't.

But the Catholic Church has not proven to be all that apt at identifying its core problems over the years. Like so many other human institutions, it reacts blindly to things and with scant regard to the long-term implications of its actions. When their traditional Western base went missing, they didn't attempt to re-involve Jesus in the lives of their constituency, they just went and got more adherents from the Third World. Spreading good will, cheer and the AIDS pandemic as it went. When it became evident that priests were committing a disproportionately large amount of sexual offences, typically against children, they didn't attempt to diversify the ranks of the priesthood by overturning the  prohibition on priests marrying - itself an artefact of a time when the Church was worried primarily about priests giving Church property to their children and spouses -  they simply shuffled the priests like a deck of cards and hoped that it would all go away.

But it hasn't. And so here we are. With scandal bursting forth like a fountain, and the Catholic Church appearing as morally opaque as a tall glass of rancid milk. Awful. Give me Jesus any day.

Or give me the Insane Clown Posse. Now there's a band who understand the true meaning of miracles.





"Fucking Magnets, how do they work?" is the best line ever written.