SLOW NEWS DAY - Dame breaks leg, Pakistani lawyers protest, beer survives nuclear fallout 10 things

Bernardi rejected abroad

Sacked Parliamentary Secretary for the Opposition, Cory Bernardi, touched down in Britain yesterday to attend the European Young Conservative Freedom Summit at Oxford. Tony Abbott sacked Bernardi on Wednesday for equating gay marriage with bestiality and polygamy. You know a guy is a complete mistake when Tony Abbott doesn’t want him. UK conservatives there have denounced Bernardi’s comments, stating his views don’t reflect those of the PM or British Conservative Party. In fact, the Conservative Party is about to cement “full civil gay marriage.” How can conservatives be so fundamentally different? Anyway, Bernardi can look forward to hating gays, Muslims and multiculturalism in general from the backbench for a very long time.

Never a better time to get cancer

Okay that heading could be taken the wrong way, but it’s true. Cancer survival rates in Australia are improving. In my lifetime, the five-year cancer survival rate from all cancers has increased from 47 percent to 66 percent.

Pakistani holiday

Anger in the world of Islam has spread to Pakistan. The government there has declared today a holiday to allow protests against the ‘Anti-Islam’ film.

Dame Murdoch breaks a leg

The nicest member of the Murdoch family is in hospital with a broken leg after taking a fall at her home in Melbourne. Her son, Rupert Murdoch, happens to be in the country at the moment and has cancelled his engagements to be with her. Famously, the Dame has vocally countered the views of her magnate son.

Artic sea ice melts to new lows

Whether or not you accept that the current bout of global warming is a human-caused event, you can’t deny that it isn’t real. The annual melt in the Arctic has stopped for this year, but not without breaking any previous records. This year saw Artic ice reduced to a mere 24 percent coverage of the Artic Ocean. The previous record of 29 percent was set in 2007. When satellite monitoring of the ice began in the 1970s, the coverage was closer to 50 percent. Some scientists are revising 2007 predictions that the Arctic would be ice-free by the middle of this century (our lifetimes), instead some are saying this could happen by 2020 (you’ll probably have kids by then). Tip: don’t buy any oceanfront property.

Australian politicians don’t like the gays

Australian politicians don’t seem to share the views of many Australian people (or rather people who aren’t bothered); that gay people should be allowed to marry. The Senate rejected MP Stephen Jones’ bill yesterday by 98 votes to 42. Our beloved opposition leader, T. Abbott, made it clear that the matter is off the table for now, stating, “I think we should let the dust settle before we come back to it.” The lone voice of Lib senator Sue Boyce echoed across the chamber after she dropped a massive bombshell, “ the big news is gay people are just people.” It’s nice to see someone on that team not towing the company line. Despite the vote, Australian Marriage Equality front man, Rodney Croome, noted that a similar vote in 2009 saw only 4 senators vote in favour, so times are definitely changing.

Syrian gunship takes out 54 people

A Syrian helicopter gunship has killed 54 people at a crowded petrol station in Syria’s north. The Syrian government claimed that the gunship crashed, but activists claim the gunship attacked the petrol station. Being one of the few service stations open in the region, it was crowded.

Pregnancy fake kills woman and steals her fetus

Wow, this is a story destined for cable TV. Annette Morales-Rodriguez, 34 of Milwaukee, was convicted of killing a woman and taking her unborn child. Morales-Rodriguez faked her pregnancy and when her fake 9 months were up, she decided she needed to produce one. After luring Maritza Ramirez-Cruz to her house, Morales-Rodriguez attacked her and cut the baby out of her WHILE SHE WAS STILL ALIVE! Obviously, Ramirez-Cruz died, but even sadder, the baby died too. The world of law is a strange place, certainly in America; Morales-Rodriguez’s lawyers argued that she didn’t intend for anyone to die. Which is why she only used a baseball bat to hit Ramirez-Cruz over the head…

John Elliott wants to run Melbourne

John Elliott, famous for his loud mouth and pushing Fosters Larger “to the world” has weighed in on the battle for mayorship of Melbourne. But an article in the Sydney Morning Herald cites some of the things Elliott may not have included on his CV, such as theft and conspiracy to defraud; bankruptcy and losing a mere $1.3B (in 1990 money) at the helm of his company. Elliott exclaimed that Melbourne should be run like a business, rather than a community group, “your shareholders are the residents and the people who operate the businesses in the city.'' Nice one bozo, we aren’t the world’s current most livable city and regular top 5 by mistake! Vote this one out.

Anti-Muslim film actor lashes out

Cindy Garcia, a Californian actress who took part in the Anti-Muslim film and who reminds me of David Hasselhoff, has made a failed attempt to have the film removed from YouTube.

Nuclear beer is fine

According to science historian Alex Wellerstein, tests by the US government in the 1950s revealed that beer exposed to nuclear radiation was still of “commercial quality.” Scientific taste testings showed the beer situated 3km from ground zero was considered to be good, whereas beer 400m tasted “off.” Drinking beer and eating protein-rich cockroaches seems to be an ideal (or only) post-apocalyptic diet we can look forward to. You can read the report in this PDF.

Psychopaths have poor sense of smell

Australian researchers have found a link between psychopaths and an impaired sense of smell. According to the research, the same region of the brain that processes olfactory signals has been found to be the cause of dysfunctional psychopathy. The link has also been made to other dysfunctions; schizophrenia, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease.

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