Rihanna's boobs too hot for Ireland - 10 Things

Rihanna's boobs: Ireland has taken issue with both of them. Specifically, folks in Dublin aren't about to stand idly by while some pop singer shows off her dirty pillows on her tour posters, even if they're covered by an elbow and an album title, and have taken the law into their own hands - hands that know how to sew fetching new tops for the singer's posters, as seen above. And honestly, as protests about nudity go, this is by far the most charming.

People may disagree about whether NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden did the right thing by exposing the level of surveillance to which the US government treats its citizens, but we can all come together as one and concur that he totally burned Dick Cheney. In response to being called a traitor by the former Vice President, he replied "This is a man who gave us the warrantless wiretapping scheme as a kind of atrocity warm-up on the way to deceitfully engineering a conflict that has killed over 4,400 and maimed nearly 32,000 Americans, as well as leaving over 100,000 Iraqis dead. Being called a traitor by Dick Cheney is the highest honor you can give an American." Zing, Dick.

The federal government is doing everything it can possibly do to protect the Great Barrier Reef and stop the downgrading of its UN Heritage status, environment minister Tony Burke has assured reporters, although "everything it can possibly do" doesn't include blocking new port developments near it until an environmental assessment report is published in 2015, as recommended by the Senate. His argument is that there are no port developments planned before 2015, which surely means that banning developments would have no adverse effects but also send a message that the government takes the Reef seriously - not just to the UN, but also to people who suspect that the environment is a political priority right up until the point where it stop being convenient. But hey, reefs huh? We can always get a new one, right?

Speaking of the unpleasant side of politics: you know that the culture's getting poisonous when, like pus building up in a boil, federal politics starts showing signs of Pauline Hanson. The proudly ignorant former One Nation leader is said to have brokered a preference deal with Queensland's other great public intellectuals Bob Katter and Clive Palmer, that could see any or all of them in our upper house after the election and oh please god no. Just remember, folks: this is the woman whose solution to the recession was "print more money". Australia, we have our faults, but we definitely deserve better than this.

And while we're on the depressing subject of things federal, apparently Kevin Rudd is willing to come back as leader only if Julia Gillard's key supporters come out publicly as backing him, and presumably if they also bake a nice big cake out of their own shit and then eat the cake. It's all in the wake of poll after poll suggesting that Gillard can either take Labor to a complete electoral wipeout or stand aside for Rudd to, at best, take us to a hung parliament, claiming that her "re-igniting of the gender issue" has cost her votes, which is a polite version of the more accurate "bitch wouldn't stand there and take it, so fuck her". Tony Abbott, meanwhile, is presumably wondering what colour to paint the Lodge, and deciding grey.

Everyone knows that 'Happy Birthday To You' is a copyrighted song, right? It makes publishers Warner/Chappell millions every year and forces people making TV shows to come up with plausible sounding alternative songs when their characters celebrate birthdays lest they bankrupt their studios. Well, the makers of a documentary about the history of 'Happy Birthday To You' have filed suit against the publishers, claiming that their claim to the song is bogus and that they should be forced to return decades of royalties. The suit centres on two main points: one, that the writers Patty and Mildred Hill didn't actually write the song - they wrote a song called 'Good Morning To All' that had the same melody, which existed long before their adaptation, and b) that the copyright on the song expired in 1921, meaning that they've been fraudulently collecting royalties on a public domain song for the best part of a century. This ought to be interesting.

Dear reader, you are not Spider-man. In fact, none of you are Spiders-man (to use the accepted plural), so if you find that you're locked out of your 14th floor apartment at 2AM, suck it up and call a 24 hour locksmith rather than visit the flat above you and attempt to climb from their balcony onto yours, as you will probably fall fifteen stories and it will not end well. That's what happened to one Tom Stilwell, a British chap on a working holiday in Auckland, who amazingly survived the fall - though he does have neck and back fractures and internal injuries, so he's not exactly in tip-top shape - after popping upstairs to neighbour Geraldine Bautista and asked if she'd mind him shimmying off her balcony on Sunday morning. Gravity, kids. It's always going to win.

UK foreign minister William Hague has assured the British that the nation's decision to arm the Syrian rebel forces is a great one and that those weapons will not fall into the hands of "extremist elements". Which is odd, because most people would probably say that groups aligned with Hezbollah - Lebanon's fun-lovin' and fundamentalist Shia militia - were probably on the "extremist" end of the spectrum of elements, especially since the Syrian civil war has gently transitioned from "angry citizens vs dictatorial government" to "Shia vs Sunni all-star Muslim battle royale". Still, the beauty of weapons is that they only work for the people that you sell them to, and there's absolutely no way that they could possibly be used for anything other than helping people. The argument remains that a stronger rebel opposition will provide an impetus for embattled president Bashar al-Assad to enter negotiations, which seems wildly optimistic even by typical Middle Eastern hopes-of-a-armistace standards.

Was advertising mogul Charles Saatchi really strangling celebrity chef wife Nigella Lawson at a fancy restaurant in London, as published in UK papers over the weekend? Scotland Yard apparently reckon so, and are investigating the celebrity couple because that's what the police do when a man chokes a woman in public. Neither party have issued a statement, but police are still investigating since it's their job.

And finally, there's a new winner in Most Incoherent Reply By A Beauty Pageant Contestant thanks to the recent Miss USA pageant, in which Miss Utah - one Marissa Powell - gave a spectacular response to the question "A recent report shows that in 40 percent of American families with children, women are the primary earners, yet they continue to earn less than men. What does this say about society?" Let's all strive to figure out how we can create education better - and happy Tuesday!
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1 comments so far..

  • Spamelot's avatar
    Date and time
    Tuesday 18 Jun 2013 - 9:52 AM
    Yes, we do need to create education better, if only so beauty pageant contestants can actually understand the (in this case really quite excellent) questions they're asked.
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