profile of lukeryan

Oddities and curiosities - 6

News LOL!

Big issue in the UK over the last couple of weeks: a proposed tax on hot baked goods, such as pasties and pies. This has forced David Cameron, a sitting Prime Minister of a major world nation, to defend his authentic love for pasties: "I'm a pasty eater myself. I love a hot pasty". The Sun is in full flight and has accused Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, of being a "modern day Marie Antoinette". To the castle, Londoners. Let's show them toffs what's what.

Well, this is just excellent comic political writing – a quantum theory of Mitt Romney. Actually does a reasonably good job of explaining quantum theory while it's at it.

The BBC has compiled a list of the news stories that should have been April Fools jokes, but actually weren't. To which I'd add both the news that sons of the Beatles are considering creating a new Beatles and the revelation of footage from Star Wars Kinect. Do not click that link if you're interested in keeping the contents of your childhood intact.

In a similar vein, a list of the six best batshit mental Daily Mail stories. My favourite has got to be Salad Towers, the Mail's guide to getting the most out of the Pizza Hut all you can eat buffet. Includes helpful diagrams.

The world's tiniest puppy may have been born in California
. Named Beyonce, she had to be revived by mouth-to-mouth and whole heap of AWWWWWWWs.

The latest entry to the prestigious Wolfson Economic Prize, this year tackling the eurozone crisis, comes from a ten-year-old Dutch boy. Extra points for the diagram showing the unhappy Greek people. He also loves animals.

Remember Kim Dotcom? Well, you'll be pleased to know that a court has slackened some of his bail conditions, which should allow him to get back online and finish work on his new music album. I presume it will be released for free on MegaUpload.

An Austrian man has cut off his own foot and thrown it into his home furnace in order to fool unemployment officials into thinking he was unfit to work. Key quote, from his wife of 36 years, "He wants to work. But the job he imagines for himself doesn't exist." Uh... huh.

The Turkish army has cracked wise to the tactic of pretending to be gay in order to avoid military service. Their solution: provide photographic evidence of you having sex with another man. Can't argue with that...

Never change, mX.

mX

OMG Science!

Chinese medicine at its very best: Eggs soaked in the urine of pre-pubescent boys. Apparently it prevents heat stroke! And ever getting laid!

Plastic not bio-degradable? Just try telling that to the plucky little microbes of the Amazon rainforest, some of which have been found to thrive on pure, unadulterated polyurethane. Probably the first time you'd have to worry about the Tupperware disintegrating before the food does.

Here's a 10 000 year old mammoth that was, in all likelihood, butchered by humans. Why, Snuffleupagus, whyyyyyyy?

mammothzoom

Studying before bed IS the best way to retain new knowledge. However, my university days are well and truly behind me, so I'm just going to drink before bed instead. Learn that thing, um, brain. Good.

Want a more permanent testament to the genius of your Twitter feed? Well, why not convert it into toilet paper form? Also works for rubbing your faeces all over the thoughts of your greatest enemy.

The more friends you have, the bigger your brain. Please be my friend, I can't solve this sudoku.

Want to get euthanised, but just can't be bothered going to the clinic? Well, now there's a Dutch organisation that brings euthanasia to you in the convenience and comfort of your own home. Even better, get euthanised five times and get the sixth one free!

Jus' saying, I would probably go to church if the local chapel was built into an 800-year-old oak tree.

oak-chapel5

Here's footage of a solar tornado that could, at a pinch, swallow five Earths. Ooooooooh.

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