profile of AndrewPStreet

Nothing says Xmas like a Justin Bieber sex doll - 10 things

In the best scientific news since the finding that the best cure for hiccups is a bone-shattering orgasm, two studies - the National Child Development Study in the United Kingdom and the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health in the United States - have found a correlation between high intelligence and higher levels of alcohol use. After correcting for variables like parents' education level, social class and income, it found that the smarter a person was, the more likely they were to drink. Is it because smart people appreciate drunkenness on a more sophisticated level, or because it's the only way to deal with the rest of society? Sadly, it appears that you can't drink your way to genius level thinking, so stop packing Betsy off to school with a flask of Johnny Walker Red.

We're almost there, everyone: after a year of incessant campaigning, the US election is almost over

and, barring some sort of Mittastrophe, Barack Obama will be returned to the White House. Yes, we know that everyone is saying it's too close to call, but after looking at the data – fine, after talking to people who've looked at the data - it's mathematically possible though amazingly unlikely that the Republican challenger could win the necessary amount of states to take the big job. However, even when Obama wins, expect right wing pundits to ignore the result and declare a Romney victory: hell, if they're OK with ignoring climate change, the efficacy of abstinence education, the way that female bodies work and what evolution is, then why on Earth would they start paying attention to reality now? And we're nerds, sure, but we're loving the sign in the pic above: Star Trek fans would know that the Romulans are a warlike people constantly trying to destroy the Federation…


In news that may cheer anyone who doesn't want to die in a nuclear holocaust, Iran and Israel officials are currently in Brussels catching up, enjoying each other's company and having a bit of a chat about whether or not having nuclear weapons ready to be deployed at each other at a moment's notice is a groovy idea or not. There are hopes this summit could pave the way for complete disarmament in the region, which - given the history of negotiations between the two nations - seems a little… let's say "ambitious". However, discussions so far have reportedly been "respectful and positive", so here's hoping. 

Get excited, people: it might be on display exclusively at London's Science Museum, but thanks to the wonder of video you too can get your first glimpse of the prototype of the terrifying robot monster that will eventually destroy us all. Playfully dubbed "Frankenoctopus" by the designers who don't realise that they've already given it a reason to exact bloody revenge, the first soft-bodied robot ever built is waterproof, astonishingly flexible, can bend its tentacles in any direction thanks to shape-memory alloys and, though the report doesn't make this explicit, build an army of its own kind to finally wipe the puny biologicals from the face of the Earth. The robot is being designed for underwater search-and-rescue missions, which will no doubt give it a chance to acclimatise to its watery domain from whence it will strike back at its creators, who will in turn rue the day they dared to play god by teaching their creation to adapt its body shape using layers of conductive lycra, but failed to teach it how to love. The rest of us should prepare for a life serving in the silicon mines.

In news that should depress everyone in the Australian rental market while simultaneously terrifying everyone who owns a house, property research unit RP Data have announced that the mix of stupid, stupid rents and freefalling house prices means that it's currently cheaper to buy a place than rent it in 388 Australian suburbs and towns. Unexpectedly Queensland leads the pack with 147 suburbs, with NSW trailing second with 88, while Victoria has the least (17). So, weekly slug to the guts or large scale crippling debt? The choice is yours, Australia!

On the other hand, maybe you'd rather get out of the country and rent something a bit more schmick – like, say, Tony Montana's mansion from Scarface? Yes, the palatial estate in which Al Pacino celebrated the life-affirming joys of cocaine and violence (we assume, we dozed off towards the end) could be yours for a cool $US3000 a month, although its worth noting that while the film was set in Malibu, the place is actually in Santa Barbera. Whether or not you get to shoot the place up after exhorting foes to say hello to your little friend isn't clear from the report, but is presumably in the strata agreement.

It's official: your telco hates you. At least, it does if you're with one of the three biggest companies since Optus and Vodafone have decided to drop your monthly data allocation. Optus have cut said allocation in half compared with last year, from 4GB on last year's $79 plan to 2GB on their $80 plan now, and 3GB compared with 5GB on the $99 "Timeless" plan. Vodafone are offing a plan with a base 750MB of data and a bonus 500MB for the first 12 months, which still comes in a lot below their base 1.5GB offering from 2011, and Telstra are only dropping their data by 500MB on all their plans below $129 – but have upped call costs by 9 cents a minute plus a 5 cent increase to the call connection fee. Thank heavens they don't require you to lock yourself into contracts with large exit fees should you wish to shop elsew… oh.

With Xmas a mere six weeks away, you're no doubt thinking "what does one get for the girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/employer/weird neighbour/fellow prisoner that has everything?" And while this is a very personal decision that only you can answer, obviously the answer is "a Justin Bieber sex doll". Sorry, Just-in Beaver, "the barely legal boy-toy who's waited 18 long years to stick his lil' dicky in something sticky!" He's now retailing for a mere $US26 through Pipedream Products as part of their inflatable doll range that also includes "Lindsay Fully Loaded', "Katy Pervy" and "J-Ho". And no, we didn't realise there was still a market for inflatable sex dolls either. 

Yesterday we mentioned Russia's new laws outlawing the promotion of homosexuality and how that has been interpreted by the Russian police as "beat the shit out of the gays". Well, Russia, when freakin' Malawi starts overtaking you on human rights, you might need to take a long, hard look at yourself. The tiny nation in south-east Afria - head for Mozambique and turn left - came to the world's attention in 2009 when it jailed a male couple for marrying, but President Joyce Banda has called a moratorium on their anti-gay laws until the parliament decides whether or not to scrap them. Amnesty International are praising the decision, even while local LGBT activists take a we'll-believe-it-when-we-stop-being-persecuted-for-no-sane-reason approach.

Things are getting better and better in the wake of the Jimmy Saville sex abuse investigations in the UK, with the news that Tory politicians had been implicated in child abuse rings in the 70s and 80s, giving David Cameron fresh new brushfires to extinguish. UK police are currently involved in five new investigations, raising the question "seriously? The HELL? Did no-one think this was a problem for thirty freakin' years?" 
 
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2 comments so far..

  • Beavdog's avatar
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    Beavdog
    Date and time
    Tuesday 06 Nov 2012 - 10:23 AM
    I for one welcome our robot overloads
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  • AndrewPStreet's avatar
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    AndrewPStreet
    Date and time
    Tuesday 06 Nov 2012 - 1:50 PM
    THEY'RE ALREADY HERE.
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