Kim Jong-un's family tree and gunman falls for police-posing-as-pizza-delivery trick - 10 Things

“The suspect is deceased… at this time”

A 55-year-old Suwanee, Georgia man called 911 with an alleged medical incident—to which four firemen attended. On arrival as the crew approached the bed of Lauren Brown, he held them up with a handgun. One of the hostages was allowed to leave to move the fire truck… WHY? That’s a move I’d pull… “Hey, sorry guys I gotta move the fire truck—you know—parking inspectors...” *backs away* Brown had fallen on hard times, the house was repossessed in November and his power had since been cut—during the incident, Brown demanded the power be reconnected to his home. Then Brown, demonstrating he’s never watched a cop movie in his life, demanded food. A policeman posing as the delivery guy knocks on the door. The SWAT team enter with a flash and the suspect is dead. Police later find half a dozen guns—an entire country ignores the fact that guns are too easy to obtain. Oh, pending a resurrection in three days, I envisage the suspect will remain deceased.

Uruguay loves the gays

Whilst we lamented a rainbow road crossing, Uruguayan congress voted in favour of legalising gay marriage—“overwhelmingly” too. 71 of 92 members of the lower house voted for the bill (in Australia we could never be so in favour of anything). It’s no real surprise though since man-on-man action has been legal in Uruguay since the 1930s! And same sex marriage is legal in Mexico (2009), Argentina (2011) and Brazil earlier this year—oh you progressive Americas, you. The same bill also raises the age of consent to 16 years of age… FROM 12 for women and 14 for men! JESUS, MARIA! *sign of the cross* The Catholic Church Is losing its grip.

DR Congo—officers order soldiers to rape

I’m about to lose my breakfast. The BBC has uncovered evidence that officers in the Dem. Rep. of Congo army ordered their men to rape. Why? Exactly. Soldiers have been raping women and in some cases killing them and their children too. Meanwhile, the G8 has met to discuss what to do to curb the use of rape as a weapon of war. There’s a caution on this YouTube page that some viewers may be distressed by the details, but I encourage you all to view it—throw up your breakfast—and be thankful that your biggest problems here are fast internet and media ownership.

Kim Jong-un’s family tree

Ever wanted to know where The Great Leader sits in his family tree? This interactive BBC graphic shows that The Great Family is not too different from your own. There’s even a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Gen-Y who just wants to make things right.

Kim Jong-un—end your belligerent approach: Obama

The tension mounts as war’s biggest penis now stands to attention: “The U.S. will take all necessary steps to protect its people and to meet our obligations under our alliances in the region.” That is fighting language, Kimmy so you had better Google translate that shit before you cop yourself a good reaming!

OMFG—unemployment up!

Hold on to that Maccas job kids, unemployment just edged up to its highest level since 2009. That, of course, is me towing the typical media hysteria line—unemployment only rose to 5.6-percent. True, it’s not a great thing, but if you want to know what first world hard times are—look to Europe’s 8-percent, Spain’s 23-percent and Greece’s staggering 26-percent! Meanwhile the US enjoyed its four year low of 7-percent (of 314,000,000 people). That’s right Australians, your problems should be framed with a global outlook because you live in one of the world’s most resilient economies—so don’t let doomsday journalists, economists and Coalition cronies tell you you’re doing it so tough!

Carbon Tax: "Renewables are basically cancelling out coal"

More good news from the Carbon Tax story—coal power has sunk to its lowest level in the National Electricity Market (NEM) in 10 years, dropping from 85-percent four years ago to 74.8-percent this quarter. That figure has dropped thanks to a push from renewables; “wind generation is at 3.8 per cent, hydro 8.7 per cent and gas at 12.7 per cent of the NEM. Coal generation has been trending steadily downwards since the introduction of the carbon pricing mechanism last July.” This all means that Australia is on track to hit its 2020 target of 20-percent renewables.

Being sexually abused? Don’t call the Salvos

Of the 474 complaints of sexual abuse to the Salvos from Victorians who were children under their care, zero of them have been reported to authorities. The Salvos’ line is that “it isn’t [their] responsibility…” to… help? Then there’s this guy (above) who’s life was so screwed up, as a result of the abuse, that he sleeps with “an axe and a big hunting knife under [his] bed.”

Australia getting dumber

We think of ourselves as a smart country when really Cook was just lucky enough to land on a virgin slab of minerals. Alarmingly, back in 2004 we were 14th on the Global Information Technology rankings—this year, we’re down to 18th! The drop adds weight to our requirement for an NBN, which we’re going to get one way or another. The SMH spoke to Australian Industry (Ai) Group chief executive Innes Willox, "This reinforces both the need for high-speed ubiquitous broadband but importantly, the critical need to invest in lifting the skills needed to gain the greatest benefit from this infrastructure." WORD!

Russell Crowe to Rebel Wilson: “Fuck off”

As a student, Pitched Perfect star Rebel Wilson, won a Nicole Kidman scholarship which she used to study comedy in New York. She related to Jay Leno that upon seeing Nicole dining in a Sydney restaurant with Russell Crowe, she figured she’d she g’day and “thanks for the cash, Nic.” However, Russell didn’t even let her get a word out when he told her to “fuck off.” It’s not really news though is it? Hands up who’s surprised by this?

profile of Chuck Kolyvas