Gina Rinehart's ungrateful spawn defy her - 10 things

Gina Rinehart, universally beloved rescuer of imperilled minerals trapped beneath the unforgiving ground, has been dealt a cruel blow by the so-called "justice" system. Her ungrateful offspring launched a case against the woman who gave them life and immediate, intimate access to her material wealth and, more importantly, her poetry, brattily asserting that their mother attempted to put them at a financial disadvantage by extending the vesting date of their family trust (ie: threatened their inheritance). Gina, who wouldn't possibly do such a thing against her own children and if she did was no doubt attempting to instil within them a valuable lesson about thrift, attempted to have the case thrown out of court but has been told by the uncouth judge that her demon spawn John Hancock, Bianca Rinehart and Hope Rinehart Welker have the right to take her to court to demand she be removed as trustee. She's not angry with you, kids: just very, very disappointed.

It's always in the last place you look: NSW State Auditor-General Peter Achterstraat has announced that the NSW government has looked under the metaphorical couches of the public service and discovered a billion more dollars than they thought they had, turning the budget from a $337 million deficit to a big fat surplus. Rather than being pleased about this, he slammed the government department's failure to create accurate budget predictions – although given the public sector cuts that have been going on, it's amazing the remaining departments had working pencils with which to do their sums at all. 

"Fuckin' magnets," Insane Clown Posse so elegantly asked in 'Miracles, "How do they work?" And the answer is by naturally or artificially aligning the outermost electrons in the atoms of a solid in such a way that they retain a magnetic field – and, chillingly, it appears that we may be running out of 'em. Magnets are used in a huge amount of things - speakers, computers, engines, transformers, Transformers, loads of things - and technically it's not hard to make 'em since all you need to do is stick a lump of metal in a magnetic field, have said field knock some electrons around and presto: magnet. However, the need for the so-called "super magnets" that are used in a bunch of green technologies like wind turbines require magnetic rare earths, and those things are hard to find – and are mainly in China, who are hoarding most of what they have for their own industry. So maybe the question should be rephrased "fucking magnets – how can they be created at an economically attractive rate in order to preserve our emerging technologies?" ICP, man: they're prophets. 

Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood, 65, has taken a leaf out of the book of his former bandmate Bill Wyman and proposed to a woman creepily younger than him – although while Wyman was 55 when he married 18 year old Mandy Smith, Wood is at least choosing to wed a grown adult: 31 year old UK theatre producer Sally Humphries is 31 years younger than her craggy betrothed. It'll be the third time Wood's walked down the aisle, and rumours the Mick Jagger wants to be reimbursed for his previous wedding gifts before getting Ronnie any new ones couldn't be confirmed at press time.

China aren't just sitting around enjoying their economic boom: they're considering social change. In fact, a government think tanks has recommended that the mighty, magnet-heavy nation abandon it's trademark one-child policy, phasing in a two-child policy across certain provinces immediately before going national in 2015 and dropping all birth limits by 2020, in order to offset the coming massive demographic glut. We completely endorse this plan for social and human rights reasons, but still… it just feels like China without a one-child policy would be like EMF playing a gig and not doing 'Unbelievable'. You know, there are certain things you just kind of expect.

Cat Power's Australian visit appears to be in jeopardy: the famously troubled US artist is meant to be one of the headliners for Golden Plains 2013, but has posted on Instragram that "I MAY HAVE TO CANCEL MY EUROPEAN TOUR DUE TO BANKRUPTCY & MY HEALTH STRUGGLE WITH ANGIOEDEMA." The former bit is a shock, given the acclaim that Sun has received since release last month, and the latter part is a nasty painful inflammatory skin condition. There's been no official word as yet, so here's hoping. 

Things are still mighty grim in NYC in the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy: Brooklyn has power, but just about nowhere else does (hipster win!) and some areas may remain cut off for over a week. There are 24 confirmed deaths, billions of dollars in damage, and questions are being raised about how long it will take to get things like trains running again, if at all. Fortunately Mitt Romney organised a big ol' relief rally that was absolutely not a political stunt at which attendees brought clothes and canned goods to send to folks in New Jersey, thereby proving that individuals are better at this stuff than inefficient governments. Except, um, that the Red Cross - who are actually helping people on the ground - don't accept boxes of shit from rallies: while Mitt was insisting the goods were going to the well-known charity, said charity were making clear that "due to logistical constraints the Red Cross does not accept or solicit individual donations or collections of items. Items such as collected food, used clothing and shoes must be sorted, cleaned, repackaged and transported which impedes the valuable resources of money, time, and personnel." It's almost like a man can't even turns a catastrophe into a political advantage anymore!

Nerds around the world are still reeling at the news that Lucasarts is to be sold to Disney for $4.05 billion, with plans for another Star Wars trilogy starting in 2015. While most have expressed relief that Lucas himself will not be writing or directing any future films - citing his writing and direction as the two fatal flaws in Episodes 1-3, along with everything else - cautious optimism about the franchise having new life breathed into it should be tempered with all the evidence provided by the Clone Wars animated TV series. Still, those hoping for a film where the Ewoks and the Gungans join forces, you may be in luck. And before you ask, yes: people have been making "Gungan style" videos. To be fair, it's better than Attack of the Clones

Speaking of beloved film franchises, the critical response to the new James Bond film Skyfall has been almost universally positive – including within the the pages of L'Osservatore Romano, the official paper of the Vatican. Yes, it turns out that the mouthpiece of the Catholic state has been swept away by the action and intrigue of Daniel Craig's latest portrayal of the immortal shapeshifting superspy, praising the "adrenalin pumping action, amazing hyper-realistic chases, exotic locations, extremely beautiful Bond girls, the usual super villain and the essential vodka martini." Finally, an answer to the age-old question: what would Jesus watch? 

And while we're on the subject of things what are in films, if you've ever wanted to own an apartment in the Central Park-adjacent building that once housed Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) in Ghostbusters, you're in luck: there's a multi-floor apartment going for a mere $35 million. Now word on whether the refurbishments necessitated by the return of Gozer have been carried out, but apparently Calvin Klein used to own live there. Does that mean that he was the Keymaster? Have it out with endless Ghostbusters quotes in the comments. 

profile of AndrewPStreet

1 comments so far..

  • mikeyh's avatar
    Date and time
    Thursday 01 Nov 2012 - 9:03 AM
    Perfect, this man is a wordsmith. Not often you laugh out loud while reading your stories.
    This comment has been flagged.
    This comment has been marked for removal.
    This comment has been marked as spam and will be purged.