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Finally, society to get that Angry Birds movie it's apparently been clamouring for - 10 Things

2DayFM are ramping up the frequency of their mea culpas for the UK hospital phone prank by announcing that they're now donating the rest of their advertising for the year to the family of  family of late nurse Jacintha Saldanha who transferred the call to the ward Kate Middleton was in, estimated at around $500k. They've also cancelled their Xmas party tomorrow night in Sydney (and donating the cost of the party to mental health services Lifeline and Beyondblue) which means that a) a bunch of hardworking staffers are being punished for something they had nothing to do with, and b) Surry Hills venue Oxford Art Factory is available on Thursday, if you have a last-minute event that needs a home. 

It's OK, everyone: Angry Birds is finally coming to the big screen in 2016. If you, like all of us at TheVine, have wondered "Fine, the pigs stole the eggs from the birds: but why? What lead them to such a desperate act? What tangled web of species-based enmity resulted in slamming the pointy yellow bird though a castle made inexplicably of glass and sticks?" then worry no more, for all your questions will be answered - in 3D, no less! - come 2016. It's the baby of John Cohen, the man who produced the OK Despicable Me and - as a press release makes clear - "had the idea to reimagine Alvin and the Chipmunks", which a) really kind of amounts to him thinking "let's make a thing out of a thing!", and b) still makes him one of history's greatest monsters. We're hoping that it basically looks like this, though. 

In a freakish and terrifying event last night, a protective services officer was attacked with a hammer while patrolling around Melbourne's Parliament House while the Victorian Parliament were sitting. The as-yet-unnamed assailant knocked the officer unconscious, stole his firearm and fled through Fitzroy Gardens before shooting himself dead near the train lines. The guard is in hospital in a stable condition.

Oh sure, everyone's enjoying their little It's Political Correctness Gone Mad moment about how the Northern NSW Local Health District sent a memo around instructing staff not to use terms like "mate", "darling" and "sweetheart", but we're terrifically excited by the tacit encouragement for terms not specifically delineated therein. Admit it, there's going to be a glorious poetry at work now that workers will be addressing the public as "old salt", "bosom chum", "my sun, my moon, my starlit sky" and "me ol' mucker", all of which we assume are now totes fine to run with. 

Social media got a bit more antisocial this week with news that Facebook's flirtation with democracy is over after a measly 668,125 of the 1 billion-odd users bothered voting in a referendum on policy changes. Facebook had said they wanted at least 30% turnout for voting in order to maintain direct user voting, a threshold that the actual turnout of 0.007% didn't quite get to. Meanwhile Twitter have quietly cut Instagram integration, meaning that users of the popular (and now Facebook-owned) photo sharing service have to go through time-consuming extra steps in order to show strangers what they're eating. Twitter's released it's own olde-timey sepia filters, though - so that should be fine, right?

Actor Robert Hughes - the chap who played Martin Kelly, the titular Dad in 80s Australian television comedy vacuum Hey Dad! - is finally popping back to Australia after the British government agreed to extradite him to face charges of child sexual abuse. He should be back in Sydney inside of a week to face 11 charges, including indecent and sexual assault against five girls, one of which is presumably his on-screen daughter Sarah Monahan who first brought the case public in a 2010 interview with Woman's Day (claims backed up by statements from fellow cast members Ben Oxenbould and Simone Buchanan). Did it really have to be an actor whose entire job description has "dad" in the title? That just adds a whole new creepy layer to an already horrible story.

"Not a coup, honest", "perfectly normal transfer of power", and "if anything, could really stand to be MORE like a coup" were some of the official declarations related to the news that Mali's Prime Minister Cheick Modibo Diarra has suddenly resigned and been arrested by soldiers under the orders of the country's ex-junta leader and coup enthusiast Amadou Sanogo. Diarra's unexpected decision to resign in order to spend more time being imprisoned by the military also certainly has nothing whatsoever to do with his plan to send a force to deal with Islamist rebels affiliated with al-Qaeda in the north of the country, who are imposing harsh sharia law on inhabitants and are supported by Sanogo, so you can put that idea right out of your head. The take away here is: it's not a coup, a hardline Islamist junta has not wrested power by force, and everything's going to be fine. 

Finally science has developed the technology to send AC/DC songs by laser beam! Yes, Yoann Thueux and his team at EADS Innovation Works in Newport, UK, have finally found a way to bounce a laser beam off a surveillance drone, reflect said beam through a light modulator to add AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell' to the beam, and then send that now rock-enhanced light back to a base. The technology could also be used to send surveillance data at much higher bitrates than is currently possible with radio waves (which also requires heavy and clunky equipment on the drone itself), which all sounds suitably shady and military - but for those of us who lamented that we'd go to the grave before the Dacca could be administered by laser blast, breathe easy.

Our government's shameful, caffeine-fuelled spendthrift ways have been brought to light, with opposition senator David Bushby leading the charge. Bushby - showing the sort of uncompromising dedication to justice that basically makes him Batman - has slammed the profligate spending of the Department of Resources, Energy and Tourism, who have reportedly spent over $100k on coffee machines, maintenance of the coffee machines and coffee to put in these well maintained coffee machines over the last four years, which… actually, that seems pretty cheap for providing coffee to an entire department of hundreds of people over multiple sites for that length of time. But yes, Senator Bushby, you take those latte-sipping pencil pushers down. And grab us a short black while you're at it, old salt.

And finally: in tragic ingrate news, much put upon giver of joy and laughter Charlie Sheen is yet to get a thank you from Lindsay Lohan for slipping her $100k to pay her unpaid taxes and thereby get the feds off her back. "I’m still waiting for a text to say 'thank you,'" he told Entertainment Tonight. "Anything, you know?" Honestly, Lohan: does the sacred bond of Scary Movie 5 mean nothing to you?

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