When The Vine’s powers that be tapped me on the shoulder to write a blog about education, I was a little bemused. For one, I’m not a student anymore. But, even more than that, as a man who spent eight and a half years slowly burning my way through two undergraduate degrees, only one of which I can accuse of having any relevance to my day to day existence, I couldn’t work out whether I was an excellent candidate to talk about education, or a truly awful one.
However, when they threatened to remove a toe if I didn’t comply, well, I was in! I mean, you don’t go through eight and a half years of variously interesting, life-changing, unbearably dreary, exciting, stressful and wholly mediocre tertiary education across four, yes, count them, four separate institutions without picking up a thing or two, right? Sure, most of those things involve sneaky ways of gaming the system – I once had six whole units cut from my degree merely by changing universities! – but after occupying all but seven years of my life on this planet, I can’t help but think educational institutions are pretty much part of the fabric of my being.
So, this. A weekly blog. About education - some school, some tertiary. With the occasional pop culture reference. It’ll probably be Community one week and ‘Homer Goes to College’ the next. I am a man of limited, but exceptional tastes. Thing is, for an institution that is probably as significant in shaping the future of the country as any single other institution that you’d care to name - up to and including family - we tend to largely ignore education when we’re not actively participating in it. I mean, I’ve been out for eight months and already I feel like I’d struggle if somebody asked me to sign up for a tutorial. In what? Do they hurt? Will I need coloured pencils? They scratch my laptop screen!
But this is education, man. Pretty much from the moment we get memory, we’re enrolled in an educational institution. The sort of schools we go to, the people they’re populated with, the teachers who are in charge and what they teach us shape the parameters of what we perceive to be true, right and useful. This is only going to become of more import as we move toward a nationalised curriculum – suddenly the concept of what constitutes an education is going to be subject to the high grade frictions of these culture wars that Howard was so keen on starting. Christopher Pyne has already intimated that if the Coalition gets into power (not such a long shot, given the current tendencies in the polls)
they will rebuild the curriculum from scratch so as to install a greater focus upon our British and - no shit - Ancient Roman heritage. Although if that means Asterix becomes a core primary school text, I am all for it. Goscinny and Uderzo, you taught me everything I need to know about the ancient world.
Look, at least it wasn’t as racist as Tintin.
And then there’s higher education. It gets an intimidatingly detailed liftout in The Australian every single week. It must be important. And it is: tertiary education is where we, as a whole, decide what’s important for the continuation of our society. The answer to which, these days, seems to be “mostly commerce, some IT”. And it’s where we define the (often permeable) boundaries between education and vocation, suggesting what it is that we value as a culture. The answer to which, these days, seems to be “mostly commerce, some IT”. Also, it’s a great place to learn how to drink heavily, avoid responsibility and have sex with people you don’t know all that well. Essential life lessons, all.
But there’s plenty of time for that. You’ve got five months of me here! What fun we’ll have. Educational fun. There’ll be activities and everything.*
And now, because I promised pop culture...
*There won’t be activities.