Ben Roper found dead at home, house chores earn men less sex, another US school shooting - 10 things

Ben Roper found dead at his home

Were you anywhere near social media this week, you’d have seen shots of missing Sydney flight attendant, Benjamin Roper, accompanying a plea from family and friends to help find him. Last seen on Saturday night, the 32-year-old was presumed missing after colleagues raised the alarm when he failed to report for duty on a Virgin flight to Bali on Sunday. Despite an “extensive search,” his body was found in the basement of his apartment yesterday—police say his death was not suspicious.

Brisbane train crashes into station

Considering what could’ve happened, there’s an upside to that train crashing into the station in Brisbane’s bayside suburb of Cleveland—no one died! Passengers described their fear as the train began to shudder and struggled to slow down. Passengers and the driver were treated for minor injuries and shock. The only reported injury external to the train was a poor soul in the toilet.

Sir, put the vacuum down—you’re getting sex tonight!

Men who share “core” household chores with their ladies are less likely to have sex than their ape-like, alpha counterparts according to new research from Spain… a country which doesn’t exactly strike me as a leader in the gender equality movement. Surveying 4,500 couples, researchers concluded that guys who confine their weekends to boring and stroking their slant-6s are doing the same in the bedroom up to 1.6 times more frequently. I was originally going to quip about “donks” and “purring like kittens,” but quite frankly I CBF (too much housework).

100ft world record wave surfed (scoff—a mere 30.5m)

Actually, 30m in height is a hell of a lot when it comes to being a finless meat sack full of bone and gristle. If confirmed, Hawaii’s Garrett McNamara surfed what is the world’s largest wave to be surfed, in Nazaré on the coast of Portugal. Admittedly that’s massive, but readers should be aware that the aspect and long lens used by the photographer in that shot go some way to exaggerate the size of the wave. McNamara summed up the danger succinctly, “it's unique. The waves break into cliffs [100m] in height. You can't contemplate coming off because it would kill you." You’ll find me in the wading pool.

A pint of ale with a vodka chaser

Polish is now the unofficial second language of England and Wales, according to the 2011 census. This will no doubt fire up the right wing BNP, who in order to get their message across, are going to need to hire a Polish PR team.

Teen shot in back of neck, teacher trampled at Atlanta school

Another kid has been shot in another school shooting in the USA. It’s almost getting comical now (but not really)—as the USA debates whether or not guns really are the issue; some kids are taking the initiative and sorting it for themselves. According to witnesses, an altercation broke out between groups of boys when one pulled a gun and began shooting. THE FUCK IS GOING ON OVER THERE? Everyday is like Russian roulette—“are my kids coming home today?” All American parents have to ask that. Anyway, police have arrested a student, but it’s not clear whether or not he’s from the same school.

Soft-ons more than just beacons a of dysfunction

Look, I have trouble with that heading too, but the time of writing was after midnight so that’s the best you’re going to get (said the bishop to the actress). Sorry, that was an old man joke... I’ll stop there before this whole story flops in my face. BOOM! Seriously though, the gist is that erectile dysfunction (not being able to get it up) is a likely indicator of “eventual heart disease” in men 55 or younger according to a study conducted by ANU last year. However, now the smart folks have found that the severity of the erectile dysfunction correlates directly with the likelihood of cardiovascular disease, including premature death.

Aussie claims to have hooked up with 1D’s Zayn Malik: death threats

Australian Courtney Webb claims to have had sex with teen pinup Zayn Malik, beneath a drawing of Malik’s current girlfriend, Perrie Edwards. Yet according to the above article, the 21-year-old claims Malik told her he was single… someone is lying. Webb’s mobile number was posted on Twitter by a friend of Malik’s who stated,  "Courtney was a friend who tried to cause an issue with another friend." Webb also claims to have received death threats, stating that one American girl left 6 death threats in her voice mail. The upside to all this is that I really, really couldn’t give a fuck if all these people just dematerialised back into obscurity and that I’ve proverbially scraped the bottom of the barrel to pull out my 9th story!

Twilight star gets a growling: wear a helmet

For a country seen by the world as chilled and girt by sea, Australia sure loves its rules and regulations. Robert Pattinson, here shooting a new film, found that out after he was photographed riding a bike wearing only a baseball cap along side Adelaide’s River Torrens. Obviously the police weren’t ever going to fine a fancy movie star, but they also had to be seen taking action. He avoided fines of $90 plus a $40 “victims of crime” levy. Sounds like a good PR exercise. Sadly SA has no laws against rigid acting. Did you know that Australia is the only significant country in the world to have a blanket bike helmet law? I mean, New Zealand does too but… naww, they’re just so cute with their little country.

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