5 ways Tony Abbott can seem less negative, US women allowed to fight on ground - 10 things

UN denounces—North Korea responds

Official transcript:

UN: “Pyongyang, we see through your supposed “satellite launch” back in December. We denounce it!”

Pyongyang: “Ho ho ho, you guy, you got us! Well we’re going to test a nuclear bomb in April so YOLO!”

Or something like that.

Universal soldiers: ladies put down your nail files!

The Pentagon has just lifted a ban on women participating in direct ground combat. Now women can die with equal standing on the USA’s front lines. Yes, when it comes to bashing the enemy to a pulp in close quarters combat, it’s true that men have a significant physical advantage over the ladies but, if you look at it realistically, the USA has just tapped a massive source of cannon fodder. Their excel spreadsheets must be looking pretty good! Here’s actual footage from the front line:

Burning Chicago warehouse encased in ice

Fire crews in Chicago battled a massive industrial fire in minus 12ºC temperatures yesterday. But as the fire raged inside, the exterior of the building was coated in ice as they hosed it down. And they say Aussie firefighters face extreme conditions...

15000 crocodiles escape farm

It reads like a B-grade teen horror plot, ‘cept it’s not set on a quiet lake in a sleepy American town and it just actually happened. A flood hit the Rekwena crocodile farm in South Africa’s Limpopo province last Sunday. All 15,000 of the farm’s crocodiles escaped. Crocs have been found over 100 kilometres away on a football pitch and even in trees after waters receded. But rest easy South Africa, they’ve managed to recapture “a few thousand.” Given Australia’s penchant for the ghastly shoes, the croc epidemic is certainly not limited to South Africa. Seriously though, the floods have affected thousands (of people) in neighbouring Mozambique.

Twitter’s Vine app for iPhone

Twitter launched it’s video sharing service called Vine today… no, it has nothing to do with TheVine, but it still looks okay. As far as I can tell, Vine aims to be the motion video answer to Instagram, with its accessible 6-second videos and ultra simple interface. As Vine users scroll through their feed, the videos play automatically. Be sure to keep an eye on your 3G data quota kids. Oh, here’s my first post featuring a dog: http://vine.co/v/b5wEKtx0xll

DNA to be used as data storage

Is it just I, or do researchers not participate in the consumption of science fiction? The science fiction genre is the result of humankind’s subconscious predilection to heed the dangers of trying new things. Haven’t they seen The Matrix Trilogy? Have they not witnessed Keanu Reeves’ glistening performance in Johnny Mnemonic? Anyway, 4-grams of DNA is all it might take to store ALL of the world’s data and that data might be good for 10,000 years. The world’s data, by the way, amounts to 1.8 zettabytes. YES, THEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR PORN STASH.

“Double cheese, anchovies?” HAHAHA OMFG so funny Kenanu!

Don’t shoot people, especially if you have an obvious tattoo

Graeme Smith allegedly shot former friend Joshua George in the chest as the two met to sort out a fight the night before. Smith went on the run but was picked up by cops at a railway station after they noticed a man wearing a scarf (it’s summer if you didn’t notice). I’ve got nothing against people with tattoos on their faces, necks, hands and other unique places (in fact I encourage them)—but if your predisposition is to shoot people dead and you have a Ned Kelly tattoo on, say, the front of your neck—you’re as good as nicked. Tip: go for a button down shirt next time.

$30M+ per race gets you a pretty sweet girlfriend

Earlier this week it came out that Formula 1 boss, Bernie Ecclestone allegedly makes more than $30 million for every Melbourne FP grand prix, even if it doesn’t make a profit. That’s a lot of mullah. Interviewed on 3AW yesterday, Ecclestone stated, "if [the Victorian Govt. is] happy with what they pay for the event I'm very happy." No shit, ya billionaire! I’d be happy if I was an 82-year-old Englishman with a 31-year-old Brazillian girlfriend. To be fair, according to Victoria Events Industry Council, the Melbourne Grand Prix has generated nearly a billion dollars worth of exposure for the city.

Russian baby thrown in front of truck: survives

Since YouTube, I’ve slowly come to realise that Russian roads are very fucking dangerous. So this baby is super lucky. What’s the Russian word for ‘lucky’? I’m renaming the baby удачливый:


5 ways Tony Abbott can seem less negative

1. Kissing babies—of married gay parents, during a;

2. Solo yacht race from Indonesia to his Warringah electorate, where he;

3. Apologises to his Prime Minister for being a bit sexist, as he;

4. Routes all video communications via Twitter’s Vine app, to show that he has;

5. Lightened the fuck up.

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