The Bondi Hipsters - Dom and Adrian's Top Five for the month
Who's saying what
Welcome to our newest column, where we ask Dom Nader and Adrian Archer, AKA The Bondi Hipsters to trend cast the five hottest things you'll need to know this month. These guys are so underground, they're hot as magma, so consider this your supes sweet cheat sheet to everything edgy online.
So like, every month we'll pick at least one something that’s totes relevant to the particular month that we are in. This is the first week of April, and so this video is totes relevant to April. Okay, do you get it? Fuck, it’s not that hard mahn. Since the month is called April... Okay, whatevs, if you don’t get it now, then I’m not explaining it.
1. Turtles Forever "Lets Save April"
This video is totes amazebox, because it’s about the Ninja Turtles, who are totally old skool. Everyone remembers the Ninja Turtles, because they got to hang out with Vanilla Ice in their 1991 Blockbuster Film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II - The Secret of the Ooze, which was nominated for 7 Oscars including Best Director, Best Male Performer (Raphael) and Best Giant Rat (Master Splintsie).
The Ninja Turtles are also totally underground, because they live in a sewer, but not quite as underground as Krang, who lived in the Technodrome and pretty much spent most days digging a hole directly into the core of the earth. So fucking underground. They never actually explained why Krang wasn’t in the Ninja Turtles Movies, which we are still devoed about. Since he was like, the main bad guy, and totally dominated Shredder. Krang had such cutting edge thinking... cause he was an oversized brain. It’s actually rumored that Krang went on to become the CEO of FBI radio, because he was so fucking underground.
Anyway, there is this hot ranga chick named April who the Ninja Turtles were always keen on, so they used to risk their lives saving her all the time and shit. But she was totally slack, and never put out to any of them because they were turtles. If you ask me that’s racist. So what if they are green and turtley? They were totally cool and knew kung fu. We did a bit of Kung Fu when we were young, and our master taught us that if you do Kung Fu, all women will sleep with you no matter what. And all cameras will zoom in heaps close to your face.
In this particular video there are twice the amount of Ninja Turtles than there should be, and I don’t know why. And the extra ones seem to be taller and leaner than the real ones. I think it’s something to do with them being in another dimension or something. Either way we don’t care, because it’s totally revolutionised modern story telling. The creators have obviously adopted a “things don’t need to make sense” kind of attitude, and we respect that. Power to them. As a creator you can’t be bound down by ropes of structure, you need to be able to wander through space and collect the thoughts as they appear in the stars, then put them all in a bucket and throw them at the wall like human shit in a hotel room.
2. Rwandan Call and Response Video
We are totally into Call and Response at the moment, cause nobody in the Western World is doing it. Yarh, the odd jazz musician has a crack every now and then, but jazz is lame, and who cares about what old people do. If I wanted to hear old people play instruments I would listen to 106.5FM.... or go hang out at a retirement home. And I would rather shove pencils up my nose and slam my head on the table than do either of those things.
This particular Call and Response video is very spesh... Cause it’s from Rwanda. And we all know that Rwanda is a hot topic since that guy made a documentary and then went and masturbated at that busy intersection. We think it’s great that he was so willing to ego so far for his cause. It’s probably the most cutting edge marketing campaign of 2012 so far. I mean, what other charities have gone as far as to batt off in public to get some extra PR and Press Coverage around their cause? Thank god there is finally a rockstar in the charity world.
Rwandan Call and Response is some of the most ground breaking Call and Response in the World, because they don’t actually speak a language. They just make African sounding noises, and then respond with other African sounding noises. It’s art in it’s purest form. It doesn’t matter what is being said, but only the way in which it is being said. The raw human intention that lies beneath the sounds.
So anyway, this video is still totes undergroundballs and only has about 12,000 hits at the mo. But it’s rumored that the kid in the middle (Gahiji Hakizimana) has been scouted by Jay-Z, and is soon to be signed to Def Jam, and so he’s going to be fucking huge. DJ Wristy has already put his hand up to do a dub-step remix of this particular track. So now you can tell you friends that you heard him here first on TheVine, thanks to two guys who we would rather you didn’t mention, because we want to stay underground.
3. Breaded Cats
WARNING! If you were eating a slice of bread, and thinking that it would look really good with your cats face through it, then don’t bother, because it’s already been done to death. If you haven’t heard of cat breading, then you’ve probably been living under a fucking rock. But since there are so many people living under rocks these days, we figured that we better put it in the mainstream media to make sure that people know that it is NO LONGER COOL.
Yarh, I know that it’s disappointing, because it is totally fun to put your cats face through foods, but yarh. About 1 million people around the world already beat you to it.
We would also like to say, that there can be dangers associated with cat breading. Adrian and I used to have this beautiful little hairless Sphinx called Sid Vicious, and one day we got heaps stoned and tried to bread him (obviously back before everyone was doing it) but it all went wrong. Sid started getting totes bloated (which was really funny at the time because we were so stoned) but then he didn’t shit for about a week and we got totes worried. We meant to take Sid to the vet, but then Justin Hemmes invited us to this private party at the Ivy Pool and we didn’t go because the Ivy Pool is full of stuck up wankers, but we got invited to this other party down at the White Revolver, and we totally forgot about Sid. When we got home after a three day bender, Sid was suddenly dead. It turned out that Sid was gluten intolerant, and since we always fed him our leftovers (and we never eat gluten ourselves) we never had the chance to find out.
Anywaysies, if you have never seen Cat Breading, have a looksie, and laugh about how stupid the cats look with bread on their faces, but remember not to do it yourself, because it’s not cool any more.
4. Man with Horse Head Plays Piano
The best thing about this next vidsie, is that it is TOTES underground. At the point of posting this article, it only has about 140 hits. It’s a vidsie of a man with a horse head playing the piano.
If you don’t want to see that, then there is something wrong with you. You are clinically insaarn. It’s amaze because he’s got a horse head, but he’s got a human shirt, and human hands, and he’s playing a piano. It is true art, at the highest level.
There is nothing else that I have to say about this video.
And that’s it for this month. I know that it’s called “Dom and Adrian Pick 5” but we only feel like picking 4, because nobody tells us what to do. If we wanna break the mould, then we’ll break the fucking mould. And we’ll do it before the mould has even set. This is the very first week of “Dom and Adrian Pick 5” and we’re already turning TheVine on its head. Imagine what will happen next month. Who knows what we’ll do, or if we’ll even submit an article at all. Sorry for having a go at life and for having better things to do than write articles. You better get used to it.