The Weird Girl Gift Guide
This gift guide is brought to you by Clinique.
Like some kind of hipster Ariel with gadgets and gizmos a plenty, and whosits and whatsits galore, your self-identified weird friend probably has a fairly healthy habit for conspicuous consumption, so shopping for them is likely to be a task. Sure, like a normal girl, your weird friend secretly loves perfume and pedis, but you can never let her know that you know that. This means finding the right thing becomes a profoundly personal statement about both your and her individuality. Will she think your gift is uncool? Will she have bought one of those like months ago? Is she a total Bee for judging you on your present giving abilities? The answers you seek are in this guide. Even the answer to that last question, which is yes.
bower birds humans, your weird friend loves shiny things. Which is why if you’re incredibly strapped for ideas, I suggest you buy them a Taylor Swift album, look them dead in the eyes as they unwrap it, and then when they look up at you, just stare them down until they break eye contact. It’s a bold move sure to gain you leadership in the pack.
Alternatively, you could buy them one of these things.
Growing your own mushrooms are officially the new terrariums, combining the aesthetics of having a living thing in your home, with the dankness of student living and the sustainability chic of urban farming. As a bonus, it doesn’t matter if someone else got your friend exactly the same thing, because like scented candles and compliments, you can never have too many mushroom kits.
Yes, nail art is now totally mainstream, but that doesn’t mean the Ciaté Mini Mani Month advent calendar isn’t still the coolest gift ever. Especially because there were only a few, they were only at Mecca and they’ve all sold out. You can still get the cult nail brand’s caviar kits though, which are almost as great.
Sick of choosing between Instagraming and Polaroiding something? You totally don’t have to choose anymore! You can Instagram it, then print it. Then you can Instagram the printed version on a wooden table with a condensation circle left from a schooner of boutique cider next to it. Tap tap! Like this. Extra points because it doesn’t even exist yet.
A day mini golfing
Knee socks? Check. Creepers? Check. Coloured balls? Check. Mini-golfing is the perfect combination of adorable, competitive and appealing to short people to make it the ideal way to spend your limited time off. Just add my secret ingredient and it’s the best possible way to spend a day. My secret ingredient is a jumbo sized flask of cognac.
Membership to a gallery
This is an excellent gift, because if you talk to the gallery about it, you can make super certain your friend doesn’t already have membership there. Not only will membership to a gallery give your friend the chance to see major exhibitions for free or at a discount, and potentially access exclusive events throughout the year, it will also give them a cultural goo-moment every time they open their wallet and see their card.
Children’s toys from a modern art museum
These are deeply fun at house parties, look quite cool as conversation pieces, and on the off chance a baby might come over, they’ll be worth their weight in gold (which incidentally is exactly the ticket price of most of these items).
Shaken in an oversized jam jar over hand cut ice and served in a pub argument.
I’m just putting it out there, sea monkeys are disgusting. Like, eating each other’s corpses, green-because-you-forgot-to-change-the-water, my favourite genre of music is krillex, disgusting. But you can’t afford a fighting fish, and she can’t be bothered to care for it, so this is pretty much your only marine-based-lifeform option. And there's nothing hipper than marine-based-life forms, right French Sebastian?
You can get these badboys from Flight 001, and you should. Because they are mini, rechargeable and change colour. About twice as good as sticking your phone in a glass (probably).
There’s nothing more obscure than giving money to a person who doesn’t have access to traditional forms of financial aid to help them with their small business. This is the gift that keeps on giving, because as the loan gets repaid, they’ll have credit to spend helping someone else out, or, if they want to be terrible, they can withdraw the money and run.