The Dos and Don’ts of Style
While writing this list of sartorial Dos and Don’ts, I realised that many of you might read it and think, “Who does this bitch think she is telling me what to do? Who died and made her style queen? What even is a Nadine von Cohen?” And you know, I wouldn’t blame you. After all who do I think I am? Who did die and make me style queen? What even am I?
The fact is I’m just a girl, writing a fashion column, hoping to be able to pay rent this month.
So as I sat on my couch furiously typing “DO” this and “DON’T” that, wearing a dressing gown, Ugg boots and a whole lot of muffin crumbs, I decided to turn to the wisdom of those stylish bitches and bastards who have gone before me. Because I may not be the boss of you but Karl Lagerfeld most certainly is.
And so I present to you: The Dos and Don’ts of Style (With BONUS Fancy Quotations From Actual Stylish People).“I don’t do fashion. I am fashion.” – Coco Chanel
DO include “fashion” in your lists of interests in job applications, online dating profiles, and when asked in real true life.
DON’T ever refer to yourself as a ”fashionista”. Unless of course you enjoy being ridiculed/punched.
“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” - Sophia Loren (EASY FOR HER TO SAY!)
DO work out what works for you, not just what flatters you most but what you feel most comfortable, beautiful, happy or sexy in, depending on your modus operandi.
DON’T just wear something because a magazine or blog or TV show said you should. THEY DON’T KNOW YOU!
“Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it”. – Yves Saint Laurent
DO let your clothes reflect your personality and/or mood, not vice versa.
DON’T be a fashion robot.
"Fashion can be bought.Style one must possess" - Edna Woolman Chase.
DO pick a celebrity/fashion icon/friend whose style you covet and base your wardrobe choices on the question of “What Would [Insert Name] Do”?
DON’T dress EXACTLY like your chosen celebrity/fashion icon/friend. You will look desperate, unoriginal and kind of creepy.
“Fashion is what you’re offered four times a year by designers. And style is what you choose.” - Lauren Hutton
DO stay abreast of the latest sartorial trends and treat yourself to a few carefully selected on-trend pieces each season, finances permitting.
DON’T wear all those carefully selected on-trend pieces at once. One must never look like one has been vomited on by a copy of the September issue.
“Always wear clean underwear, you never know what is going to happen.” – Every mother in the history of the world.
DO know that underwear can make or break an outfit. It should be flattering, supportive, and comfortable, and it should not be seen unless there is some sort of TASTEFUL sheer shirt/feature bra thing going on.
DON’T look at me like that! I didn’t make the rules.
“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.” - Coco Chanel
DO pay due diligence to the first lady of fashion, Mme Coco herself, who advised to always revise your outfit and remove one item before leaving the house.
DON’T remove your top. She was referring to accessories.
“One is never over- or underdressed with a little black dress.” – Karl Lagerfeld
DO repeat after me “When in doubt, always wear your black clothes out”. Actually don’t, it sounds stupid when you say it aloud, but the sentiment is true.
DON’T forget to look in the mirror. Just because it’s all black does not mean it’s all good.
“Anyone can get dressed up and be glamorous, but it is how people dress in their days off that are the most intriguing.” – Alexander Wang
DO understand that jeans and a Tshirt can be as stylish as a couture gown. It just depends which jeans and which Tshirt.
DON’T however wear jeans and a Tshirt when you’re meant to be wearing a couture gown.
“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world.” – Marilyn Monroe
DO bow down to the supreme power of the shoe. Flat, high, open, closed, sandal, boot or trainer – they’re all precious to me.
DON’T steal the precious. The precious is mine. ALL THE PRECIOUS!
“Fashion is not about labels. It’s not about brands. It’s about something else that comes from within you.” – Ralph Lauren
DO be discreet about wearing fashion labels and logos. One monogrammed piece can work; any more than one is just tacky.
DON’T think for one second that anyone is impressed by the label-covered atrocity that is your outfit. Well done on looking like a walking credit, idiot.
“I think the most important thing a woman can have - next to talent, of course, - is her hairdresser.” - Joan Crawford
DO learn how to work with your hair, not against it. It doesn’t have to look perfect, but it should never look forgotten.
DON’T ever let your friends cut your hair. Especially not when they’re drunk. Learn from my mistakes, readers. I’ve done stupid things all my life so you don’t have to.
“No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.” – Oscar Wilde
DO dress your age.
DON’T dress your daughter’s age:
Or your mother’s age:
Even the random dude walking near her is all “HONEY, NO”.
“Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions.” – Coco Chanel
DO be aware of proportions. Getting them right can mean the difference between sleek and stumpy.
DON’T think there is anything wrong with your body if one trend or other doesn’t work on you. Every body is different, and none of them are perfect. Ok except these ones:
I’ll leave alone now to ponder what I have said and crywank over the hotness of Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer. You’re welcome.