FIVE THINGS FOR MY FIVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!
My birthday falls five days before Christmas so there is hell to pay for the tight ass family members and friends who figure it’s all good to combine up on my gift and get me one thing for both events.
Let it be known to all you ‘yiftos’ (Greek for tight ass, malakas!), us Christmas babies have had enough of the cheap ass bull***t you try to pass off as the double gift. It’s time to revolt!
I’m the last person to stand by the “oh don’t buy me anything” crap. Bitch, I’ll take all the presents I can get. Love them! And so do you, don’t front! So I’m about to hit you with my ultimate five days of Christmas list giving you plenty of time to pull the trigger before the big day (Dec 20th peoples!).
What’s great about my list is that you don’t have to line up and deal with stress head ‘leave it to the last minute’ shoppers. You can cop everything you need for me from eBay. I make it easy for you!
HELLO KITTY INSTAX
For all you cats out there that know I’m partial to throwing up a camera in your grill with my Canon 50D…it’s time to downgrade and gets some instamatics on. For all you freaks that used to cream at the site of a Polaroid and break into “shake it like a Polaroid picture” when given your snap (and FYI…it’s not funny or original to bust into that joint, but for the sake of Christmas spirits, I’ma let it slide) this is the next best thing. For only approx $170 you can cop the camera decked in Hello Kitty cuteness plus 100 films to get you started and become the sex magnet of any party. Hey if it works for Ron Jeremy look-a-like Cobrasnake, it could work for me. Buy it now on ebay.
SNOW CONE MAKER
I have a massive penchant for ice cold drinks, especially those that contain shaved ice. I want my brain to freeze and my front teeth to go ballistic. I want to super soak all the syrup goodness out of those bad boys and crunch the shit out of the icicle leftovers until my mouth is numb with pain. Mr Frosty rocked it back in the day, and along with the Easy Bake Oven, it was the only toy I really really wanted but was never allowed. Well guess what mum! I’m 36 now, and I’m a make my friends buy me one! The Original Snoopy Sno Cone Machine is where it’s at peoples!!!
OAKLEY BLADES
I love me some Oakley Frogskins but let's take this shit up a notch and get our Kanye flamboyant on and start hitting me with some Blades. These things were the business in the ‘80s and ‘90s on the streets of Radelaide. They came complete with curly mullets, baggy string cut fluoro Quicksilver singlets, wedge thongs and zinc cream! These violet iridium splatter gems are so Andre Agassi, methinks I need to get my some achy breaky extensions on.
FIDO DIDO QUILT COVER
If you know me or have read some of my previous posts…I have a mad obsession with anything Fido Dido. It could be because I always wanted hair like Fido, it could be because my Dad and I used to rock matching checkered FD shorts and tees back in the day. But what better way to hit the hay than curled up in my very own Fido Dido ‘Comforter’. I actually already hit the seller up, but apparently TWIN size as stated in the description, means single bed to Canadians. FAIL!!!! If you ever find a double bed quilt cover, make sure to buy it for my birthday! PLEASE!
TV/MUSICAN DOLLS
Ok, by this I do NOT mean any sort of doll. I’m talking anything that I wanted from back in the day and never copped. Mum kept my Michael Jackson Beat It and Boy George doll, but somehow they were never complete without the cast of 90210, the entire NKOTB clan and who can forget, the Mary Kate and Ashley twin set circa Full House. I’d actually be really stoked with a John Stamos doll if you can find it! If you can’t find them on eBay, try Fat Helens on Chapel St yo!