A Christmas gift guide for the absolutely normal girl in your life
This gift guide was brought to you by Clinique.
Christmas is soon and my birthday is tomorrow (thank you all in advance for the well wishes!) so if any of you love me, and were thinking of showing your affections in a more physical manner, I’ve made both of our lives a little easier and put together some preliminary suggestions to help all parties attain what they desire this silly season. (Me: gifts, You: my eternal gratitude).
Just a small disclaimer before we dive headfirst into the carefully curated product selection – if you were thinking of buying me a funny*/ novel/ don’t-you-get-the-joke gift, please save your cash and my time. Pranks, souvenirs and whatever other arbitrary junk you picked up at Reverse Garbage is not welcome here. Steer clear of ‘sentimental’ gifts as well, please, (to clarify: no rocks, soft toys, and pieces of charred dinosaur bone marrow from your Broome trip in year five) because, well, they are useless. Well-meaning (see: cheap) gifts will quite frankly become just another unwanted addition to the world’s burgeoning land-fill epidemic.
Now that the formalities are out the way, here are 10 things I won’t deplore if they end up on my lap this month. If your girl – or any of the girls in your life, for that matter – happens to be a puppy-loving, FM-listening, E! Channel-watching human being (a.k.a. is normal) most, if not all, of these gifts will go far from astray. Here’s to thinking inside the box, and in case you are in doubt, it really is true that diamonds (and vodka) are (the average) girl’s best friend. Happy wrapping, bitches.
Given that Balenciaga products (or knock-offs – TheVine is a judgement free zone) strike that perfect balance between directional fashion and mainstream-enough-for-everyone-to-know-how-good-you-are-for-wearing, a bottle of Florabotanica perfume will truly be the gift that keeps on giving. The Kristen Stewart endorsed (let’s be real here, who doesn’t want to be indie’s latest darling) scent is an aromatic blend of floral, woody and green tones able to harness non-gendered admiration, adoration and appreciation. Actually, I already have a bottle of the good stuff but am not averse to receiving another. And another.
Prada Lips-Applique Clutch
Now, these are out of stock everywhere (trust me, my search has been so relentless ASIO’s most experienced computer engineers would be impressed by my google prowess) so if you manage to find a bona fide Prada (a good fake in this scenario will also be humbly accepted) Lips-Applique Clutch, and I say this with no traces of sarcasm, I will love you forever. The white version (as seen on the Man Repeller) is preferable, but this is not a scenario where any of us can afford to be fussy.
This leather-stitched beauty is a covetable accessory that – BOOM! – still has ample stock left on my favourite website, net-a-porter (I’ll get to that in a minute). The Russian doll inspired handbag is perfect for chronic black-wearers, appeals to my Eastern-European heritage and incorporates all the colours my healer said will stimulate my de-centred ying energy. Let’s fight the good fight together.