I went to the Mulberry party at London Fashion Week and I have the photos to prove it. I was invited mainly because on my last holiday to England, I made a friend drive all the way to Somerest to the Mulberry factory outlet to buy a handbag and they thought I was awesome for doing so*. It's a great shopping story involving dangerous driving and stealth. I'll tell you more about it another time.

Actually Mulberry have an Australian designing their advertisements, so I went as his handbag. I took my Mulberry as my handbag. It, being a bag, needed none.

So we creep down the drive at Kensington Palace thinking and muttering "Oooh, Princess Di used to live here. Spooky.*" and "Gosh, a palace, do they know I'm a republican colonial?" We go through two sets of gate keepers where I say "Melanie Hick, TheVine" in a loud important way in order to get let in and maybe gain one or two new readers.

Soon we're hanging out the back of the Orangerie, where Princess Di used to keep her orange tic tacs* sipping salty-rimmed margheritas and talking about how eating canapes ruins your waistline and how the ones they're serving are too big. All sorts of famous people you see on gossip websites are all around us really genuinely enjoying themselves.

Then Alexa Chung's mate catches me gawking at her super-skinny bird legs and possibly mind-reads me thinking "man, she is super skinny and needs one of these pies". Only it's not Alexa, but one of a gaggle of girls that have taken their style cues so literally from her, that they could be decoys.

Inside, there's a band called Delphic, Olivia Palermo and some giant glittery panthers. Everyone wants to get silly make-up put on them and sit on the panthers. It may be because of the margheritas. A lady has one of the new "Alexa" Mulberry bags and wants to be in all the photos. Olivia Palermo is astoundingly beautiful.

The margheritas eventually cause us to eat some of the pies, ruining our waistlines but keeping us warm on the freezing night.

*PSYCH! It's right next to a cider brewery suckers!
*We also mutteres, I wonder if she used to make her driver stop here so she could have a spew?
*one calorie only.