If American teen movies are to be believed, highschool is a breeding ground for stereotypes and cliques. At any given school you're likely to find the cliched groups of jocks, popular girls, nerds, emos. Fashion week is much the same. Sometimes it even feels a lot like school, just with much better clothing. Instead of classes, it's fashion shows and instead of a cafeteria, it's a bar. There is however the occasional bus ride to an offsite show, which does feel a lot like a school excursion, but instead of a trip to a museum it's a trip to an Ellery presentation.
In anticipation of next week's RAFW, I've made it my judgemental business to identify the class cliques of fashion week.
The Show Pony
These are the peacocks of the fashion world. Too much is not enough for them and 'minimal' is a foreign concept. The show pony's extravagant style (whether deliberate or not) can't help but be noticed within the crowd and as a result they are constantly being followed by a bevy of street style photographers. Some try very hard to gain attention (Anna) while others take a more casual approach (Meg Gray).
Wearing: Gold, neon, clashing layers, leopard print, Proenza Schoular, Prada, Romance Was Born
Who: Anna Dello Russo, Catherine Baba, Susanna Lau, Meg Gray
The Busy Editor
If you blink you may miss spotting the busy editor. Dressed inconspicuously, she ducks in and out of shows, leaving little time for socialising. While watching shows from the front row she shows little emotion. Instead of smiling or frowning she just looks tired yet calm. She may actually be a robot in a cunning disguise.
Wearing: Flat Marni shoes, Prada sunglasses, a Maxmara trench coat, Dries Van Noten, Celine, Anna Thomas, Lisa Ho
Who: Anna Wintour, Kirstie Clements, Jackie Frank
The Fashion Man
The fashion man is a beautiful albeit depressing creature. His clothes are impeccably tailored, he knows the power of mixing subtle textures and is a pro at colour blocking. He also has better legs than you. His bag is bigger and nicer than yours. Your life seems a little less fabulous when he's around.
Wearing: Tailored blazer, skinny jeans, perfectly coiffed hair, large man bag and Tom Ford glasses
Who: Every single gay man at fashion week
The Off Duty Model
You'll find them reading books backstage or enjoying a ciggie break just outside. They tend to move in packs and are often seen running and weaving through crowds in order to get to the next show. Although they dress quite casually compared to the rest of the fashion pack, their theatrical, shiny makeup and sleeked hair from the previous shows tend to single them out. Oh and they're also a gazillion metres tall.
Wearing: Lots of layers, Maxi dresses, skinny jeans, leather jackets, flat shoes, floppy hats, large duffel bags and a big Ipod.
Who: Abbey Lee Kershaw, Freja Beha Erichson, Chanel Iman, Rachel Rutt, Myf Shepherd
The Stressed Seating Person
If you happen to be in the presence of a seating person before a fashion show, tread very carefully. Don't have an attitude, don't talk too much – don't even look them in the eye. These people haven't slept in 20 days and are on the edge of a total meltdown. Post-show however, they return back to their human selves. You'll find them at the bar with a much deserved drink in their lap and a tired smile on their face.
Who: Kelly Cutrone and pretty much anyone with that job
Wearing: Comfy shoes, head to toe black or clothes by the designer they are representing.
The Token Celebrity
The token celebrity brings the buzz to a fashion show. Even if the crowd of journalists and buyers couldn't care less, the photographers go ape shit for them. What's strange about the celebrity front rower is just how seriously some of them take the show – sternly eyeing off each look like their thesis depends on it. Except Kerri-Anne, she's all smiles and champagne. Her way seems far more enjoyable.
Wearing: An outfit being shown on the catwalk that day; whatever their stylist picked out for them
Who: Alexa Chung, Kanye West, an Olsen sister, Lara Bingle, Kerri-Anne Kennerly and this year, quite possibly, Katy Perry.