The Daily Mail’s photo editor, Paul Silva, recently revealed that he gets sent between three and four hundred pictures of Pippa Middleton a day. Never mind that he said it in connection with the demise of News of the World and the ongoing debate here in the UK about celebrity privacy—no, my mind went straight to, “Who the hell would want to look at three hundred pictures of Pippa Middleton every day?” Because I certainly wouldn’t. After Babara Walters announced her as one of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011 (which was just shocking on so many levels), my occasionally catty sister had a tweet, which went something like, “Can we stop trying to make Pippa Middleton happen?” It was re-tweeted in such bulk that it hit us that there are other people out there who find her equally as irrelevant as we do.
This is where I’m supposed to make the token comment about Pippa Middleton probably being a lovely/nice/great girl, and that she of course can’t help that people are following her around, only to then continue my tirade. But as I started writing that sentence (and tried hard to come up with a synonym for one of the aforementioned three completely empty adjectives, which would be ascribed to a person as nondescript as Pippa) I realised that she can too help it. Yes: I’ve been at fashion shows that she has attended! Scumbag paparazzi shooting her have stood in my way before! (And I’m pretty sure she was posing, too!) And it’s hardly a coincidence that she gets papped wearing a new outfit every day.
Calling Pippa a hanger-on would be stating the obvious, and I will give her as much as the fact that it would probably be impossible for her to stay out of the limelight entirely. When it comes to dishing out the blame for trying to make Pippa Middleton happen, three corners are responsible: the fashion news media and bloggers, who make a living constantly publishing pictures of celebrities and give no thought to what those people are actually wearing, which then feeds the middle-of-the-road readers – of whom there are far too many – who like people like Pippa, who are as nondescript as themselves. These readers make out the second corner. And finally, I blame Pippa as well. Because frankly, I think it’s tawdry to bask in a spotlight you haven’t either earned or been born into.
I would, however, find it more acceptable to be met by pictures of her on blogs every day if she actually had something to offer in terms of what she wears. I mean, her sister is more flamboyant than she is, and that says a lot. Just because you’re the sister of a royal doesn’t mean you have to succumb to the wardrobe of a right-wing politician’s wife. A 40-year-old one. Who thinks Katy Perry is avant-garde. It bothers me that the world is blindly handing fame to a woman, who doesn’t do anything for it, doesn’t dress for it, and hasn’t even had the courtesy to marry into it. Why do people feed the promotion of these sorts of Plain Janes, who prance around in their jumpers from labels only Chelsea people know, and acknowledge their totally unearned fame by attending events? Stop trying to make Pippa Middleton happen. I beg you.