Miranda Kerr reveals she likes to hang around in lingerie

Victoria's Secret are asking that profound, all encompassing question that has been plaguing philosophers for millennia. 'What is sexy?'

As it is with all such deep questions, the answer cannot be uncovered immediately, so, in the manner of Odysseus or Jason and his Argonauts, the company sent its Angels on a quest.

Like the best looking band of carnies you've ever seen, Victoria's Secret are trucking their Angels across the United States and into Canada on the Summer Bombshell Tour.

The tour kicked off in California, where the girls revealed the answers to something called the 'What is Sexy' list. From what I can tell, the list is much like Maxim's Hottest Women List, only unlike that progressive bastion of pro-feminist thought, which considers women as whole entities when determining their sexiness, the Victoria's Secret list itemises its subjects down to their individual sexy bits (Fact Alert: Mila Kunis has 'the sexiest eyes', while Dianna Agron has 'sexiest smile'), but not their actual sexy bits, because this is Victoria's Secret, there's no award for 'best rack' or 'prettiest puss', 'sexiest legs' is about as explicit as it gets.

The women featured on the list, Hollywood stars all, were then hunted down by the angels and sliced into little pieces, with their sexiest parts stitched together to form a creature known as Frankensexy, which, surrounded by her army of sexy, sexy Angel-creators proceeded to tromp mercilessly from Los Angels to New York, and then on to Chicago, smouldering out the eyes of all those who gazed on her sexy visage and wrecking havoc as she passed, spreading behind her a sexy plague of blindness that caused billions in damage, and loss of life. Next on Frankensexy's path of sexy destruction is Toronto, then Miami, and finally Dallas, where the sheer force of her sexiness will cause her to combust, destroying the entire city in the sexplosion.

Or not. Because that would be a little bit too wild for Victoria's Secret, which, much like the lyrics to Rihanna's S&M*, likes to roll around on the floor purring the word 'sexxxxxxy' over and over, but, when confronted with  genuine answers to a question like 'What is sexy?' (Charlotte Gainsbourg's pregnant bare belly at Cannes!!!!), blushes a deep shade of red and then tells you off for being a pervert. So what the tour actually consists of is a series of in-store appearances and prize draws by the VC Angels.

During one such event, Miranda Kerr was pulled aside by People magazine, and, possibly because of all the sexy, sexxxxxy sexiness in the air, she told them that her favourite thing to do is hang around the house in lingerie. "People have come to the house and I'm just in my knickers," she said. "(But) I feel like it's more appropriate to have knickers on than being completely naked." Nah Miranda, Nah!!!

Because telling a bunch of reporters that your favourite thing to do is wear lingerie (but not be completely naked because, OMG too rude!), whilst on a tour for a lingerie label that is probably paying enough to keep you, your husband and your new born baby in organic, single origin almond milk for the next several centuries is sooooooo shocking, the quote has of course spread all over the internet. Including here. Because it came out of Miranda Kerr's mouth, and I know it will be amazing for page views.

So perhaps Victoria's Secret are on to something after all with their definition of sexy. Above is a gallery of their Summer Bombshell tour so far. The images tell me that sexy is squeaky clean, skinny, tanned, smiling and wearing a near-non existent sun dress. I'll take Gainsbourg's belly anyday, thanks.

But the real question here isn't what I think sexy is, or what Victoria's Secret think sexy is. It's What is sexy? Really? What is the absolute truth of sexy? What is sexy's perfect form - the ideal sexy that all other incarnations of sexy are merely shadows of? Somebody? Anybody?

*Have you ever listened to S&M's lyrics? All she says is stuff like 'Oh yeah, I like it, S&M, whips and chains uuuhhhh'. The lyrics to Blue's 'Too Close' are way, way more sexually explicit.