So you’re breaking up. Getting dumped or dumping, either way, letting go is difficult, especially where nothing specific has really gone wrong. You probably had a wonderful first date after following my astoundingly accurate guides on how to dress for boys and girls, but apparently along the way, something went wrong (and it’s not my fault—my guides my be infallible for your first date but won't help you navigate the sticky relationship stuff that comes after).

How you dress for an impending breakup pivots on whether or not you are doing the breaking up or whether you are being broken up with. Then there are peripheral considerations that will also affect your chosen attire: have you been cheated on or has some kind of unforgivable injustice been inflicted upon you? How much does the other person still love you? How emotionally fragile and/or crazy is the other person? Do you want to remain friends after the fact? Would you like to have break-up sex? With all this in mind, here we go…

When you don’t want to get mad, you want to get even, it’s the most fun. This is where you get to be visually violent; listen: I’ll show you how to insult the senses of whoever it is that wronged you. Whether or not you are being broken up with or you’re doing the breaking up, it’s time to get all Blu Cantrell on his ass, or all Joe featuring Mystikal if you’re a guy. If you’re a girl get on Nasty Gal and think sexy. You want to go in all tousled hair, booty hugging skirt, cherry stained lips glory. It’s that perfect mix of “I didn’t even try but damn boi don’t I look hot in this—shut up motherfucker I don’t even care what you think.” If you’re a guy, think similarly, Sunday morning tousled hair, jeans that fit perfectly and a shirt that’s thrown on so purposefully it looks haphazard. The most important thing in this scenario is the smell. The asshole who broke your heart isn’t completely emotionless, and people identify emotions with familiar smells. Be sure to spritz your signature scent in your hair so they get a good, longing whiff before they watch you walk out the door. All of the above also applies if you want to have sex post break-up.

Where everything that went wrong is your fault, you don’t want to look too good, especially where the other person is a. madly in love with you b. a really nice person and / or c. emotionally unstable. This also applies in situations where a break up is mutual, due to a melancholic set of circumstances out of everyone’s control or very sad for both of you for whatever reason (and where no wrongdoing has occurred). In these sorts of situations the look you want to attempt to embody is “forlorn”. For girls, no make-up, for both sexes, tousled hair. It helps if you stayed up crying the night before because your eyes will have that adorable puffiness, your cheeks will be flushed red, your skin will be clear and your lips will look bee-stung. All this, obviously, is adorable in a break up.

Clothes wise, it’s the same for both guys and girls in this context: your favourite, well-worn blue jeans and an oversized knit. You want to look homely—both comfortable and comforting, because you’re about to really hurt someone and you want to look like something they want to cuddle rather than scream at. This will also make it easier for them to forget what a hot piece of ass you are, easing them into the break up process. But beware: this may induce some very emotional sex in which one or both parties cry.
 


1. Nasty Gal chiffon babydoll dress in navy
2. Nasty Gal crystallized tail blouse
3. Kill City varsity pleated skirt
4. Kill City exposed seams sweatshirt
5. Nasty Gal kate chiffon blouse in fuschia
6. Cheap Monday ribbed scoop tank in charcoal
7. MinkPink slasher flick cutoff short in wine
8. Obey light coastal woven shirt in indigo
9. Band of Outsiders plain flannel shirt in grey melange
10. Band of Outsiders corded stripe buttondown shirt in red
11. Nasty Gal gold dust knit
12. Topshop knitted stitch cardigan
13. Mother the looker high waisted skinny jean in light blue
14. VPL shifted knit in vapor
15. Topshop knitted pony jaquard cardigan
16. Topman grey grandad neck jumper
17. Topman blue stitch crew neck jumper