So, guy, you finally got up the nerve to ask that girl out and she said yes. You almost sort of half hoped she would say no— for realsies. You’re nervous, and understandably so — you know she’s already read
Kat George’s guide on how to dress for a first date and as a result she’ll be wearing the perfect virgin/whore ensemble. You’ll probably spend most of the night trying to figure out how to hide your awkward and horrifically inappropriate boner while simultaneously falling in actual love. Sweating yet?
If you’re not, you should be — girls are genetically and socially predisposed to be better at dating than you. For starters, we have a more appealing natural odor, the un-stigmatised ability to wear makeup to cover blemishes, and most of us look pretty fucking cute when we sneeze. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not good. But don’t be a pussy, and stop typing that text telling her you have the chicken pox and have to cancel goddammit — let Kat help you dress for your first date.
While your date is going to be mind fucking the crap out of you with an outfit that makes you want to screw her like the naughty little bitch that she is while (confusingly) stroking her hair and telling her about your childhood, your aim is to be inconspicuous. This is your mind fuck, listen — you want her to not notice what you’re wearing when you first meet. While men want their woman to be a virgin and a whore (seriously, what is wrong with you?), girls want to be surprised.
You want to be innocuous at first, but half way through the night when you’re telling her about your family, she will notice that wow, he actually smells great and that t-shirt is really cute, I didn’t even notice before… it must be because he’s charmed the pants off me, but wow, bonus steez, I think I’m in love! Funnily enough if she notices your outfit from the outset — you’re screwed. It’s either too good so it's intimidating or pretentious or it's fucking hideous and she’s not going to listen to anything you say all night, so no matter how amazing your personality is you’re probably going to fail. Plus she’s definitely going to tell all her friends how embarrassing it was to be seen with you the next day.
The first and most important thing is to wear some fucking deodorant. I’ve already touched on this but I can’t reiterate this enough — you stink. And there’s nothing wrong with that, unless it’s on a first date. Now, the important thing to realise is that no matter how much you think you stink, you actually stink about 17 times more than that. So deodorise. None of this Lynx shit unless you’re 15. And no Aqua D’Gio either — cologne is for guys from places like Tullamarine and the Jersey Shore.
The next most important thing is your shoes. If this girl is the kind of girl who knows what’s up then the first thing she’s going to do is look at your shoes. And she’s going to judge you based on them. Harshly. Shoe choice will vary depending on what kind of guy you are and what kind of vibe you want to relay. Do you like skateboarding or at least want to give off the vibe that you could like skateboarding? Vans. You can’t go wrong with Vans, unless they’re checkered.
If you’re more of a fancy guy and want to say “hey, look, I know I’m not much on a skateboard but I sure can navigate an art gallery and several thousand lattes on a Saturday afternoon” then you need a proper shoe. Nothing too pointy. Nothing too round. Nothing too embellished. Nothing too leather. Boat shoes work, as do very, very simple almond-toed brogues that aren’t too chunky. Admittedly, brogues are very easy to fuck up, so if you’re feeling a bit tentative to begin with, go with the boat shoes.
Never wear loafers. Or thongs. Ever. You will not get laid.
The rest is fairly easy as it’s more about don’ts rather than dos. Wear jeans, never ‘trousers’, whatever they are. Never bootleg. Never skin tight. Think skinny but straight — your jeans should never hug your calves. Half the charm of going out with a guy is that he is a guy, not a girl. No embellishments, whiskering or rips/tears/holes. If it’s summer you can roll them up a little at the bottom — it looks scampy and girls like that. Make them black or blue, and if you’re feeling confident you could try a washed wine red or a cappuccino shaded brown.
The top, again, is easy. No ties. No blazers. T-shirt or shirt but keep it simple. If it’s a tee, make it a little bit slouchy and boyish — the key is to show off your man bits, like your broad shoulders and small waist. This might shock you but those bits will look sexier in a loose fitting tee than in a skin tight one. Your tee can be a block colour or stripey — no images, words or St Lenny. Shirts should never be pinstripe and should always be accompanied by a wool sweater, but not in a Ralph Lauren way. You could even try an open shirt (denim) over a tee (white) which should probably get your date to swoon. No necklaces, that shit is for bitches.
No hats (two words — hat hair).
Double points for killing at least one spider in front of/to save your date. No outfit required for this, just sheer man power.
Acne Tee
APC Blue-vintage-wash-light-denim-shirt
APC Deep-blue-melange-kint-cardigan
APC Grey-bretton-stripe-cotton-knit
Alexander Olch Scarf
B Store leather derby shoe
Black slip-on Vans
Burberry London Gibson Wool Blend Pea Coat
Comme Des Garcons Play Top Dyed Lambswool Cardigan
Ermanno Scervino Short Sleeve T-shirt
Etro Wool Blend Plaid Coat
Gucci Oxford Wingtip loafers
J.Crew Ludlow Chino Suit Jacket
Rag & Bone Rb15x Straight Denim Jeans
Rivieras Navy Mesh Slip ons
Saint Augustine Academy Wool Tweed And Leather College Jacket.
Saint Augustine Academy Sweat Shirt W Pocket
Vanishing Elephant Kim-burnt-red pant
Vanishing Elephant Thornton-preserve-maroon jumper
Vivienne Westwood Gunmetal grey cotton high collar shirt