They say that all women eventually turn into their mothers. I’m not sure if this is true in my case, but I definitely use more of my darling late mum’s catchphrases as I get older. For example, just this morning I told someone “get off” her proverbial “high horse”. And yesterday I told my nephew I’d “had it up to here” with his “michigas” (Yiddish was my mother’s first language. I’m pretty much Jerry Seinfeld).
The phrase I seem to be using with increasing regularity “age appropriate”. This is most often used in reference to clothing, but can also be pulled out in discussions about recreational activities. For example:
Random Person: “Hey, Nadine, do you want to come to Schoolies with us?”
Me: “No, I don’t think that would be a very age appropriate thing to do.”
Get it?
Mum would often point out women on the street or at restaurants and tell me that this one’s dress or that one’s blouse was not “age appropriate”. I would nod, roll my eyes, and vow to wear halter tops through my sixties. You see despite being the greatest woman of all time ever (FACT), Mum was not so much the most fashionable woman of all time ever. She wasn’t even the most fashionable woman of a given year. Or month. Or day. Hence I pretty much DISREGARDED everything she had to say regarding my sartorial conduct. You should have seen her face the first time I wore black with navy. It was as if I’d killed the family cat. It was AS IF I’d killed the family cat and then died her black and worn her as a scarf over a navy blazer. The chutzpah!
And yet despite my general distrust for all my mother’s words of fashion wisdom, I seem to now be championing her “age appropriate” cause like some sort of conservative radio talkback host. Getting older is a funny bitch.
The thing is that it’s not older folk dressing as young folk that bother me, so much as spritely young folk dressing as old fogies. Because whereas mutton dressed as lamb can be entertaining in their denial/desperation, lambs dressed as mutton are just plain weird. I’m talking about young women donning outfits more suited to their aunties than their peers, more mother of the bride than the bridesmaid. And there are several young Hollywood starlets leading this trend.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? Let’s look at some pictures!
This is mutton dressed as lamb.
This is also mutton dressed as lamb.
This is lamb dressed as mutton.
This too is lamb dressed as mutton. And just for funsies
, this is lamb dressed as mutton dressed as lamb that’s been left in the oven for too long.
Other serial lamb dressed as mutton offenders include Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, Tina Fey and The Olsen Twins (Capital O, capital T). Although in the Olsen Twins’ case their age inappropriate, oversized outfits are charming and amazing and I will not hear a bad word about my tiny, hungry fashion idols.
I’m not saying these ladies should don knee socks and pigtails and show the world their pink bits. There is a lot to be said for class and poise, and I applaud a good tailored suit and a classic LBD as much as the next fashion follower. But a raised hemline or edgy cut every now and then wouldn’t go astray. There’s a fine line between elegant and elderly.