Designer Condoms for Valentines Day

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Valentines Day is a total pest for those unlucky enough to be shacked up with a luxury lover, but not so this year, with the release of ultra limited edition Chanel condoms, according to OMG. 

Yep, the gift of safe sex now comes monogrammed, and will set you back $279 for a 12 pack (that's $23 a rubber for those not sharp with their 12 times tables). There's just one catch, which is they're probably not real. The image that's circling the net looks photoshopped, and Refinery29 reports the Chanel stores in New York are calling the condoms a hoax. Fake they may be, but the Chanel condoms slot neatly into the label's proud tradition of stamping their emblem on weird shit, from surfboards and soccer balls to Segway personal transporters. 

If it were true, Chanel would by no means be the first designer brand to get prophylactic. Marc Jacobs has been retailing condoms for €1 a pop in his Marc by Marc Jacobs boutiques for over a year now. For reasons that have nothing to do with  an intended gag gift, followed by an unexpected evening in Paris personal experience, I know that Marc Jacobs' "safety first" advice is backed up by strong quality control. 

Sir Richards make stylish checker printed condoms packets with a do-gooder edge. For every condom you buy, they'll donate one to a person in need, which has lead the brand to be labelled "The most ethical condom brand in the world." Unlike Marc Jacobs efforts, Sir Richards also come with options, namely Extra Large, Ultra Thin, Classic Ribbed and Pleasure Dots. 

Closer to home, Australian brand Legends create cute little tins to store your jimmies in, available in a variety of different prints including denim and pony hair. The tins are good, because they act as protection for your protection, meaning you're less likely to wear a hole in your condoms before you get a chance to wear them.

Also Australian, and free, is the collaboration between Third Drawer Down and the Victorian Aids Council, which saw a number of local and international artists like David Shrigley, James Gallagher, Anne De Vries and Kill Pixie collaborate on arty cardboard condom cases, each containing lubricant and a rubber. The collectable condoms are yours to take from Fat, Alice Euphemia, Magnation and several other trendy Melbourne retailers. 

In a less usable take on the trend, a World Population Day celebration in Beijing in 2007 took condom couture to a whole other level with a rubberised fashion show. Rainbow condoms were layered together to create everything from disco pants to evening gowns, and the results were actually pretty cool. Last year the Nebraska Aids Project teamed up with Project Runway to put on a similar spectacle. 

Unfortunately, despite Big Sean's threats to "Fuck your bitch with a Louis Vuitton condom", no such items are currently available for purchase. Some quick google research tells me it is possible to buy "Mr Dior" condoms, although the retro packaging with its erupting volcano image (subtle!), and awful, awful font suggests these have little to do with the luxury house. 

So yes, many French letters may not actually be French, or real, but there are also plenty of legitimately chic sheaths on the market. So if you're going to splash out on a designer item this Valentines Day, you may as well make it a gift you'll both enjoy.

Beijing condom show images via EatingHost.