If you’re female and on Facebook it’s more than likely you’ve already seen the “Fotoshop by Adobe” beauty commercial parody video, which has spread across the web this week quicker than Scarlett Johansson’s nude pictures. Made by Californian filmmaker Jesse Rosten, the clip comments on the beauty industry’s use of image-altering software Adobe Photoshop by perfectly spoofing a make-up commercial. Instead of antioxidants, bio-peptides and microfillers, models gush about “Fotoshop”’s healing brush and hue/saturation settings to remove blemishes and even out skin tone and its liquify tool for slimming hips in seconds. In just over two minutes Rosten makes it clear how easy it is to hoodwink consumers with clever camera trickery. Meanwhile, I predict that 90 per cent of women who watch this video will laugh, say “that’s SO true!”, and then go out and buy more anti wrinkle cream.
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This week I thought of the best 30th birthday present for Kate Middleton, only to discover that Kim Kardashian had beaten me to it – a $60 pair of vinyl shoes. I know, it would have been perfect, right? Instead I decided on a card that says “I don’t really like you so here, have this piece of crap”, which I think is a good substitute. But at least I know the Duchess of Cambridge will get that pair of cheap shoes, made by UK company ShoeDazzle for the Kardashian empire, which Kimmy thoughtfully presented to her in a video she shot on her mum’s iPhone in the spare room of some gentleman’s club. “Every woman should feel like a princess every day,” Kim says in the clip. Meanwhile, if you actually ARE a princess, you can take a day off by putting on these shoddy clompers and pretending you’re Kim Kardashian.
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French fashion chain Etam put the “arse” back into “arts” this week when it sent three bikini models on a near-naked streak through Paris’s Musee D’Orsay as a viral video promotion for its underwear line. Monocles were dropping into cocktails and top hats flying off all over town as news spread of the naughty stunt, with the unimpressed museum director saying such a prank was “unthinkable”. Of course it is – scantily clad women are only allowed on the walls of museums, and even then only when they’re covered with a thin layer of egg vellum. It’s a happy coincidence that “Etam” backwards is “mate”, which is probably what most Australian men will exclaim when they watch this video: “Maaaaate!”
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Occasionally in the world of fashion (read: quite regularly, in fact pretty much constantly) people take themselves so seriously you have to wonder if what you’re seeing is real or some sort of Zoolander-esque parody. Which is exactly the question I asked after watching Calvin Klein’s three new promotional videos for its “Naked Glamour” lingerie collection this week. Titled “strong”, “sexy” and “confident”, each black and white clip features celebrity stylist Annabel Tollman – who comes across as a sort of fashion version of David Brent – directing a photo shoot while explaining in the most pretentious way possible how CK bras inspire her to create “characters” to tell “fashion stories”. A microfibre sports bra has her ranting on about hippies and guitars to an exceptionally bored model, while a black lace bra sees her instructing another model to evoke “whiskey-drinking, strong, gorgeous, teutonic”. Because nothing sells underwear like an alcoholic German broad. Meanwhile, I’m quite concerned at the concept that one’s underwear “says a lot about who you are”, as I have at least two pairs of underpants with holes in them. God knows what they’re saying about me behind my back. (Or bum.)( You get the picture.)
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Ever wondered how male models get dressed in the morning? They run around parks semi-naked, pouncing on designer clothing items “in the wild”. Well, according to the new Marc Jacobs ad they do. This is why you should never schedule anything with a male model before 10am. Happy Friday!