I've never understood St Valentine's day.
Why does anyone have to wait until February 14th to tell people they love them and give them a shit present like a fucking furry bear with devil horns holding a heart that reads
horny little devil like a boy did for me in year 12, for example?
It's not like you wait for a particular day to tell someone to eff off.
Imagine if there was a special day for that!
You could let loose with the fury of a year. There'd be cards to express your wrath, like the cute
you're a c*nt card from
Lifelounge. Florists would be on standby to send those who've wronged you a huge bunch of roses with the heads cut off. Prawn suppliers would do a flat rate for stuffing rotting crustaceans behind hubcaps. What fun, what japes you could have.
If you insist on saving up all your love for St Valentine's day, the least you could do is give the object of your affections something good. Give them a cute Bearbrick from
Someday, or some hella nice earrings from Julia Deville at
e.g. etal, or some roses crushed into
Kosmea rosehip oil for their beautiful face.
Keep the
you're a c*nt card on standby in case things go badly though.
