The Voice recap: Week 4

The Voice recap: Week 4

We pick up the trail of The Voice in its fourth week, with erudite commentary on the ephemeral nature of art and success and Good Charlotte, thanks to Max Lavergne.

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It’s already week four of The Voice so we are pretty much DONE explaining the concept of this show. Remember back in S01E01 when after every ad break there was a visual representation of “THE JUDGES SIT IN CHAIRS. THEY SPIN AROUND WHEN THEY HEAR SOMEONE SING NICE. THERE ARE TEAMS AND MENTORS OR WHATEVER”? Not anymore. The vibe now is definitely a whole lot more “shut up this is happening and we have a lot of singing to get through,” and that is FINE. It’s efficient and that’s good, because let’s be fucking honest, we have a shitload of singing to get through and unless we crack right on it’s going to be August and we still won’t know who Delta is planning to “take” to “The Live Shows”.

First up tonight, Joel Madden chooses Carmen Smith to “battle” Michelle Serret-Cursio (side note: I accept that the producers of The Voice wanted to bring some of the competitive excitement of the movie 8 Mile to their singing competition, but where I’M from (a nursing home) we call two people singing a song at the same time a duet??? Right??? Who’s with me?!). Both of these women are extremely competent backing singers so it’ll certainly be very interesting to see what character type has been deemed more telegenic: kooky jumpsuit lady or generically “sexy” lady!

As usual, both competitors spend some quality time with Joel and Benji Madden before the performance. Just a roomful of very good singers, all hanging out together, talking about singing stuff. “Talking shop”. Voices. Notes. Songs. That stuff. Obviously they can’t show everything everyone says, but I wish they would show more of Benji “Singing’s Number One Fan” Madden dishing advice to Carmen and Michelle! “When I was playing guitar in Good Charlotte, it was very important to me to sing from my diaphragm.” - Benji Madden. I’m sure. Except not really! At one point in this conversation, Joel ACTUALLY says to them “I actually think you technically know more than me about singing.” Cool point, Joel. Maybe that could be your team slogan? They have team slogans, right?



In the end it’s a bloodbath! Carmen smashes it. ‘It’ is 'We Found Love' by Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris, which is just a total garbage song, but whatever. Michelle is boring. You are the weakest link, Michelle. (Cool reference (for a nursing home!))



Seal’s team is up next. He pits Sam Ludeman, a very pretty young man, against Kieran Fraser, a dude who is not pretty and always wears trackpants. It’s already not looking good for Kieran Fraser, but I don’t know what he expected, appearing on a show called The Voice But Also The Pretty Face Or The Sad Story. He doesn’t have a pretty face or a sad story! And it says right there in the name, you have to have one or the other!

Seal chooses 'Viva La Vida' by Coldplay for his boys to sing. Keiran explains that he always wear trackies because that’s what he feels most comfortable in. Sam says, “Sometimes I think people don't take me seriously because of the way I look.” He is TOO PRETTY! Real talk: only one of those sentences is not offensive and it is the Keiran one. Wear your trackpants, bro. You are a hero. Seal smashes him for his choice of attire and says that Australia doesn’t want to see him wearing trackpants. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SEAL? I’m not saying we’d have our second Fraser Government if he wore them on The Voice, but we’d certainly put him on local currency or something. Seal just jumped the shark.



A-grade visual gag. You’re welcome.

Anyway they sing the song and definitely do a totally OK job of singing it. Totally OK for sure! Keiran does some terrible dance moves. Sam .-~*sparkles*~-. Ricki-Lee does the worst and most embarrassing head-nod along to the beat. At the end, Delta drops another classic Delta line: “As a performance I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Should I be bringing it into your world or should I going into your world? So to compare you both and be able to say who it was, is quite hard because you really were both very different in your approach to the song. But tonight, on the battle, I’d say Keiran.” Seal does not say Keiran. He says Sam. The man who would be Prime Minister is sent home.

Since Keith Urban is the final judge who has not yet eliminated a member of his team in this half of the show tonight (holy shit this show is fucking long) he does that. It is Brittany Cairns vs. Kelsie Rimmer. They are both attractive young blonde women and they do an Adele ballad and zzzzzZZZjkleblwebd haha what? It’s over. Wow I must have fell asleep there. Wikipedia says Brittany wonnsdfjgeridbnjk oh boy I fell asleep again what is the deal there. I apologise.

NEXT, Delta teams up Matt Hetherington and our boy Jerson Trinidad on the CLASSIC Stevie Wonder joint 'Higher Ground'. Can’t wait for these two bad motherfuckers to tear this song a new one! Delta is so excited about the whole deal she wears these VERY cool glasses:



That’s MS. Cool Specs to YOU, mister. Jerson Trinidad does some pretty soulful singing. Matt Hetherington screams like it’s 2005 and Wolfmother are a cool band, which, since it’s also the last time anyone cared about Delta Goodrem, is a brilliant strategy, really. He wins. Bye bye, Jerson. I guess Australia just wasn’t ready for a guy called “Jerson”.

(Continued next page)

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2 comments so far..

  • Katie333's avatar
    Commenter
    Katie333
    Date and time
    Tuesday 08 May 2012 - 4:42 PM
    Max Lavergne, that article made me laugh out loud, several times. Thanks.
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  • PopTardis's avatar
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    PopTardis
    Date and time
    Monday 14 May 2012 - 4:46 PM
    That is honestly the worst attempt at Youth Humour™ I've ever read. But it's okay, Katie loved it!
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