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My Kitchen Rules - Week 2 recap

How are you feeling? It has been the highest-rating week EVER on My Kitchen Rules, with each episode rating above two million. If you’re wondering if that’s a lot, it IS a lot! Maybe how you should be feeling is warm & cozy & connected to your fellow Australians in a way that is profound and also hard to define. So many of us have watched My Kitchen Rules this week and it is a Stunning Vindication of MKR’s decision to cast people who are more interesting than good at cooking and it is also a stunning vindication of my decision to stop recapping MasterChef: The Professionals, which has been moping around 600,000 viewers like a thing of bok choy that’s been sitting in the crisper for like two months and is all withered and limp and gross. (Food metaphor!) 

The first week of this season of My Kitchen Rules was definitely characterised by cooking duos that were just ordinary Australians who were reasonably good at cooking, and if not reasonably good, then at least respectful of one another and personal limitations or whatever. That was the theme. This week of My Kitchen Rules has been geared more towards people who are not that good at cooking and also D-R-A-M-A! There was a lot more drama this week! Which was terrific, of course, drama is compelling and it’s good that the producers of My Kitchdramaen Rules remembered that and put the drama back into their cooking/drama TV program. The week started with the “Spice Girls” (a VERY lol moniker, because they are a) apparently girls b) apparently fond of cooking with spices), who - after spending last week enthusiastically shitting on everyone else - took way too long to cook some stupid garbage which ironically was widely agreed to be not spicy enough. Also, they revealed that they were NOT GIRLS*. What a web of deceit! What fraudulence! It was just another slap in the face for all of their poor dinner guests who were forced to eat a meager portion of Lamb Samosa & Pani Puri for entree, a bland & disjointed main course of Goat Sindhi Biryani and a curdled yoghurt mess for dessert. Everyone was so mad but also just disappointed at being lied to, they agreed. They received a score of 41 and pretty much just straight up died of rage!

On Tuesday night the thunderdome of snippiness travelled to Brisbane for Jake and Elle’s instant restaurant. Oh boy. What can you say about Jake and Elle? My gut reaction to rich kids criticising other people’s food for not being gourmet enough is to hand over the The Worst trophy and be done with it, but this is complicated. They were very nice to each other, for one, which is arguably not as important as the fact that they’re not very nice to anyone else but is still important. It also quickly became very clear that they are actually good at cooking: their Rabbit, Pancetta & Thyme Ravioli entree looked very nice; the T-Bone Steak with Mushroom Ragu, Silverbeet, Radicchio and Potato, and Parsnip Gratin main was criticised for being pub food but whatever, it looked fine; and their dessert of Orange and Basil Syrup Cake with Basil Ice Cream was also very clearly good food.

Despite that, they were awarded the second lowest score of 65. Jessie and Biswa gave them a 1 because they apparently don’t care about looking like petty babies on TV. Very strategic! Very clever! Except it backfired because now I, AN IMPORTANT RECAPPER ON TheVine.COM.AU, have no choice but to root for Jake and Elle because of injustice. Big mistake, Jessie and Biswa! (Not really a big mistake because you were 100% the worst all along anyway!)

The final instant restaurant of this group of people who, by now, can not possibly have any more small talk to make with each other, was hosted by Lisa and Stefano in Adelaide. Excellent! Let’s find out a little bit more about this strange and intriguing couple. We find out that Lisa is a slightly uptight older lady and Stefano is absolutely delightful and they like to kiss each other a lot. As far as fleshed out characters go they could probably be a little bit more fleshed out but it actually doesn’t matter because they are NICE. I like them. It is cute how they keep kissing each other. It’s funny when Stefano says things like “Food is soobleem pleasure”. Good job, guys! 

The final instant restaurant of this group of people who, by now, can not possibly have any more small talk to make with each other, was hosted by Lisa and Stefano in Adelaide. Excellent! Let’s find out a little bit more about this strange and intriguing couple. We find out that Lisa is a slightly uptight older lady and Stefano is absolutely delightful and they like to kiss each other a lot. As far as fleshed out characters go they could probably be a little bit more fleshed out but it actually doesn’t matter because they are NICE. I like them. It is cute how they keep kissing each other. It’s funny when Stefano says things like “Food is soobleem pleasure”. Good job, guys! 

It’s very telling how a bunch of the other contestants make little comments about how they hope that Lisa and Stefano make good food because they like them and they would prefer if Jessie and Biswa went home. It’s small insights like that that confirm that Jessie and Biswa really are a nightmare! But actually, most of Lisa and Stefano’s food turns out well conceived but poorly executed. Bummer. Their White Bean and Eggplant Puree with Rosemary Flat Bread entree is too simple and bland and the main course of Duck Breast in White Wine, Cinnamon and Sage on Polenta with Roast Potatoes and Artichokes is overcooked. Luckily, everyone loves loves loves the dessert, a Coconut Meringue with Passionfruit Curd and Rum Cream, and they score 52! Which is more than 41!

Jessie and Biswa are eliminated. Goodbye, Jessie and Biswa, you were dumb as hell and terrible cooks and I’d say it’s mystery why you were even on this show except DUH, it’s not! You were on it because you were dumb and talkative! Since last night’s elimination Jessie and Biswa have given some interviews in which they complained that they weren’t really so negative but they were edited to look like jerks. Whatever. Obviously, selective editing is a huge part of reality TV and Jessie and Biswa were the villains of this particular show, but there is no escaping that they handed out undeserved 1s and called other people’s food “boring” and, uh, “poo”. They said the words! No one made them say the words, they just said them, and no one should be at all surprised that the producers of My Kitchen Rules opted to air those words. Anyway: it’s over. Let’s hope we never see you again, Jessie and Biswa!

*No.


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