An Open Letter to Lara Bingle

An Open Letter to Lara Bingle

Dear Lara Bingle,

Hey girl, what’s up? I wanted to talk about why I won’t be watching your show tonight and I felt an open letter would be the best way of expressing my feelings. Well actually I thought a musical ballad would be the best way of expressing my feelings, but I left my banjo at a friend’s house last week and I haven’t got it back yet. Plus I can’t actually play the banjo and I am shit at song writing. So an open letter it is! 


First off I’d like to say that you seem like a nice human, Lara Bingle. You seem like a nice, cashed up young human with oceanic eyes and the whitest teeth I have ever seen outside of a neon light disco. Sure, you may not be the brightest maiden in all the land, and your ability to make good decisions appears questionable if not entirely absent, but you are at least almost certainly not evil. Unfortunately however, not being evil is not basis enough for a television show, a fact that someone should probably have pointed out to Channel Ten and the producers of Being Lara Bingle.  Or more like Boring Lara Bingle, AMIRITE?


I went into the first episode of Being Lara Bingle ready to have many feelings about it. I went in ready to LOVE it and sing its praises to all who would listen, to be a positive voice amongst the naysayers. And I also went in ready to HATE it because of my preconceived belief the last thing this country needs is a reality show about a vapid (BUT NICE) sometimes model who spends her days driving around without a license and walking around her highly visible, waterfront, glass-covered house naked despite the omnipresence of paparazzi in her life. I was ready to tear the makers of the show a new one for inventing plotlines such as the (non-existent) sexual tension between your brother and your slashie (BFF/manager), and for constantly referencing your late father with all the subtlety of a photo on Brendan Fevola’s iPhone.

But I couldn’t love it or hate it, Lara Bingle. I couldn’t anything it.  In fact I was so entirely underwhelmed by the whole experience that hating it would have been a welcome relief from the nothingness. The series of “events” that made up your first episode were so mind-numbingly bland I have now almost completely forgotten most of them. The only moment that inspired even a hint of emotion out of me was when your Nan told you you’d “never do any bloody good”, and I felt a bit sorry for you. And the viewer’s pity should never be a television star’s end goal.

Seriously, Laz – can I call you Laz? – the thirty minutes I spent watching your show last week were possibly the most boring minutes of my entire life. And I studied sociology.  It just seems that in your quest to show people the “real you”, to be identified with as just a “normal girl”, you (or those responsible) forgot to make interesting television. Being nice and sweet and down-to-earth are wonderful qualities in a person, Laz (I’m going with it), but not in a reality TV show. Now in fairness I’m not a huge fan of keyhole reality television in the first place. I’m no stranger to the odd episode of Real Housewives, but in general I prefer my reality TV with a huge dose of competition, a washed out old rock star looking for love, or an orgy on a tropical island thinly veiled as a game of trust. But if I am going to watch a “Being So and So” or a “Keeping up with the Thingamyjigs” there better be some life-or-death drama and it better end in tears/a massive fake wedding and subsequent quickie divorce.

Oh, Lara Bingle, I hate that I can’t love or hate your show. I love loving things and hating things!

Suffice to say I won’t be watching your show again, and I suspect the same will go for many of the 900,000 viewers who tuned in to the premiere. Then again you are on after Masterchef and people are lazy so you might just be alright.

Goodbye, Lara Bingle. I wish you well,

Nadine von Cohen

profile of NADINEVONCOHEN

3 comments so far..

  • sdfgdfg's avatar
    Commenter
    sdfgdfg
    Date and time
    Tuesday 19 Jun 2012 - 5:14 PM
    Have not seen the show but you sound jealous... and your letter is contradictory. If the show was so underwhelming then why be inspired to write a letter about it and announce to all and sundry that you won’t be watching it again. You know what is boring, that this writer won’t be watching Lara Bingle… meh.
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  • Rapturer's avatar
    Commenter
    Rapturer
    Date and time
    Thursday 21 Jun 2012 - 6:25 PM
    Completely Agree! How was this ever going to be anything but nothing television. Lara Bingle is harmless enough...perhaps a touch delusional...but no great threat to the zeitgeist. Her show however...I would rather watch Mel B tell talentless celebutants that they have the stuff to make it all the way!! (PS. Mel B, not 1998 anymore honey). Gina Rinehart, now there's someone who would make polariising TV...Channel Ten I'm talking to ya'..... Ratings BONANZA!!! Loved it Nadine :-)!!!
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  • Emily 7572's avatar
    Commenter
    Emily 7572
    Date and time
    Sunday 11 Nov 2012 - 8:01 PM
    I don't see how her letter is contradictory. People write reviews all the time, even if its extraordinarily boring TV and in Being Lara Bingle's case it was. Its the first time an Australia TV channel has produced a reality in an attempt to make someone famous for doing nothing so obviously people are going to judge it. Furthermore compared to other reality Tv Shows Lara's was uninteresting and because of that the ratings plummeted as the season progressed. I watched the episode where they went to India and i turned it off half way through because NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. In addition she seemed to be only motivated by money and nice things and thus lacked substance or any kind of dignity. I was then promoted to write this comment, not because i was jealous and not because i was secretly pleased with the show but out of annoyance. Firstly, TV stations have to do better and secondly Lara just doesn't seem to have anything positive or constructive to offer other than generating gossip due to her own stupidity.
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