The past year has been challenging to notions of “sexy” on all fronts – but I bet they say that every year. Things that weren’t sexy before are suddenly so sexy you get a semi just thinking about them and it’s all very pleasant but mildly confusing. Many of the sexiest symbols of 2011 are quite decadent compared to preceding years, and it seems like we’re either clawing our way our of the austerity of recession, or we just don’t really care anymore and would prefer to live a little, screw the man and his money. Below you will find a list of 10 of the things that have become sexy in 2011, in case you were wondering.
Disclaimer: You will notice that Ryan Gosling is not on this list, but it should be noted that Ryan Gosling is The New Batman. Between breaking up fights in NYC, becoming a meme, killing the shit out of badies in Drive, taking his dog on talk shows and just generally making everyone swoon all the time, he’s the sexiest thing of 2011 by an exponential number. Which makes him far too sexy for this list.
1. Pregnant Is The New Childless
This whole year has revolved around Beyonce’s baby, and while there have been chic pregnancies before, no one has made being pregnant quite as effortlessly sexy as Beyonce has. Gracefully appearing around New York in perfectly form fitting maxi dresses and heels, glowing like an angel and performing and working all the while, Beyonce has finally made motherhood glamorous. And while her fairytale pregnancy might not be a reality for the everywoman, she’s changed perceptions of what being pregnant means for a woman in 2011.
2. Vampires Are The New Vampires
Yeah, vampires are still sexy. Between Twilight and True Blood they’re not going anywhere (not to mention the fact that they’re undead and will live forever) so you might as well get on the fang banger bandwagon. I suggest you start with one Eric Northman of Bon Temps, Louisiana.
3. Music Geeks Are The New Rock Stars
Julian Casablancas who? 2011 is the year in which women everywhere eschewed their desire to sleep with cocaine sniffing, sunglass wearing, STD carrying rock stars and men stopped wanting to be them. Instead guys like James Blake, Justin Vernon and George Lewis Jr got the adoration, that, to be honest, is probably more deserved seeing as they do more in the name of music than just get drunk and sway and scream dramatically into a microphone in the hopes that their sex appeal will pass the performance off as worthy of fan’s hard earned dollars.
4. Women Are The New Men
I know that were not supposed to say things like “women are the new men” because we’re not trying to be men etc etc, but fuck that. Men dominate in the entertainment industry, so that’s essentially what women are working towards – to receiving the recognition that men so staunchly bogart. With Mila Kunis named one of GQ’s Men Of The Year, the roaring success of Bridesmaids and artists like Katy Perry and Adele penning some of the biggest hits of the year, we’re finally starting to find some equilibrium in the way women are represented in entertainment. And that’s sexy.
5. Heartbreaking Emotions Are The New Balling
There were so many broken hearts in 2011. Forget the Twilight saga – between Robyn, Drake, Adele and Bon Iver, self-examining, emotional outpourings became the new balling in music. Now tell me, for all the heart felt, soft lyricism of the aforementioned, is there is one you wouldn’t sleep with? Didn’t think so.
6. Women Are The New Girls
Men’s Health Magazine named 42-year-old Jennifer Aniston the Sexiest Woman Alive. Whether you think she deserves the title or not (I certainly do, screw you Angelina you home wrecking wench, Team Jenny 4 Lyfe!), the accolade showed that to sexy, that age ain’t nothin’ but a number, baby.
7. Acceptance Is The New Anorexia
Between Nicki Minaj’s bubble butt, the cast of Glee, Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” and the stunningly real Adele, our icons are telling us to tell with trying to change your body, it’s wonderful to be you. And it doesn’t stop at weight – Katy Perry’s video for “California Gurls” featured a cast of multicultural babes, Michelle Obama and Beyonce visited girls all over America to promote exercise and healthy self-esteem and Rihanna publicly and personally (no press releases or perfectly crafted statements) lashed out against both sexism and racism. Empowerment is sexy again, and it’s a damn relief!
8. Funny And Smart Are The New Boob Jobs And Big Weiners
From Jonathan Ames’ Bored To Death to Kristen Wiig’s Bridesmaids, this year was more about intellect and humor than bikini bodies and destruction. Although if that’s what you’re after I recommend www.boobsandexplosions.org
9. Kids Are The New Grown Ups
The Fannings, Tavi, Chloe Moretz and Hailee Steinfeld, I mean, really. When I was a teenager I was wearing PVC pants from Hound Dog and glitter eye makeup. These girls are the business, and while it’s not OK for you, creepy adult man, to look at them as sex symbols, I think that for teenage girls, these are really wonderful sex symbols. Because even though grown ups aren’t allowed to covet teenagers, other teenagers certainly can – a refreshingly beautiful new crop of idols for the underage.
10. 99 Is The New Rich (Fuck The Kardashians)
Flashing money around is not sexy anymore, and it seems like Paris Hilton has had the good sense to step away from the limelight. This year talking about politics has become sexy – having thoughts and opinions and working against social injustice. This, conversely, makes the Kardashians completely unsexy for their showboating, sham marriages and alleged knowing abuses of human rights in the sweatshops they use to produce their gaudy wears. I like to think of the Kardashians as a crime against humanity – hopefully as social awareness becomes sexy they’ll fade into nothingness, like fairies. They just stop existing if you don’t believe in them.