Many movies have paid homage to the New Year’s kiss. Think Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal in
When Harry Met Sally; Renee Zellwegger and Colin Firth in
Bridget Jones’ Diary; Angela Bassett and Ralph Fiennes in
Strange Days; and Al Pacino and John Cazale in
The Godfather: Part II. Ok, so the last one was a kiss of death, but it was a kiss nonetheless.
The following is a list of the men I would like to share my midnight pash with on December 31st. I could wax poetic about the symbolism of the kiss, how it represents hope and destiny and tradition and true love. But let’s not pretend that this list is anything more than my very own personal but now very public wank bank.
10. David Andrew ‘Andy’ Samberg
Andy Samberg appears to retain all the qualities I am looking for in a man person. He is funny, smart, driven, cute, mega talented, and friends with Justin Timberlake. His work with the Lonely Island never ceases to make me wet my underwear, and his digital shorts for SNL are some of my favourite videos ever to be removed from YouTube.
In the words of the lovely band Best Coast, “I wish he was my boyfriend. I wish he was my boy-oy-friend”.
9. Mehcad Brooks
Sure he played Tara’s evil boyfriend ‘Eggs’ is season one of
True Blood. And sure, his name was ‘Eggs’. But this model and actor can scramble my breakfast any day.
Nom nom nom.
Okay, I’ll stop that now.
8. The 2 Cellos (I’m counting them as one person)
I went to an Elton John concert recently (bask in my coolness, readers) and these two were in the band and I couldn’t stop watching them and sighing for the entire gig.
Handsome boys who play the cello like rock stars? FUCK. YES.
7. Barack Obama
“Oh hi there, I’m the leader of the free world. Look at me grinning adorably as I make laws and
give peace a chance.”
6. Ricardo Tisci
Not only does the chief designer for Givenchy look like
this.
But he is also responsible for
these.
And I am nothing if not fashion’s whore.
5. Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert is the funniest man on television and you can’t make me think otherwise. I will admit that Ron Swanson comes close, as does Jon Stewart of course, but there is simply no equalling the handsome, satirical, awesomeness that is the host of The Colbert Report.
Look at this photo and tell me you don’t long to play tonsil hockey with this genius.
4. Prince Harry
“How do you do?
I’m the bad boy of the Royal family. I could sleep around and have boozy nights out with my mega rich friends…
… but I also have a soft side, which I demonstrate
by cuddling babies…
…. and puppies…
… and the occasional echidna:
I also look really good in a Top Gun costume (Wills is totally Goose)…
… and with my shirt off playing Rugby in a warzone.
Oh look, here I am hanging with Kanye.
And here I just look really handsome all wet and hot after a polo game.
So now you know why Nadine von Cohen wants to put her tongue in my mouth.
Here’s to me.
3. This photo of Bruce Springsteen
Earlier this year this photo caused a Twitter sensation, under the glorious hashtag of “#bosscock”. Since then it has become the wallpaper of every gadget I own, and the star of many of my dreams.
2. Nick Cave
I have loved Nick Cave from the moment I set ears on him singing the Mercy Seat when I was about 14. Since then I have been to approximately 13 of his concerts, listened ad nauseum to everything he has ever recorded, read all his books, and dated anyone I could find who even vaguely resembled him. I love him. I love him like I love hot chips with vinegar. And I love hot chips and vinegar a lot.
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK AT HIM AGAIN BUT IN A MORE RECENT PHOTO.
How could anyone not love that face?
1. Ryan Gosling
Der.